


Dean and Cas

by GlassRoom



Series: Dean and Cas [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Wings, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Castiel in Panties, Dean - Freeform, Dean in Panties, Destiel - Freeform, Dom Castiel, Friends to Lovers, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean, Hypnotism, M/M, Manipulation, Oral Sex, Pain, Panties, Sub Dean, Top Castiel, Top Dean, Wing Kink, Yearning, castiel - Freeform, closet feels, light inside the wings, men's lingerie, self harm chapter 15, slight humiliation chapter 14, slight shame chapter 14, slight somnophilia, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-05-10 17:13:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 72,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5594299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlassRoom/pseuds/GlassRoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is learning how to love Cas</p><p>Part one is the entire story of Dean and Cas. The remaining parts in the collection are the individual chapters posted as stand-alone stories. I was new when I posted all this and didn't know how to make a chapter book that I could add on to until a few chapters in. By then I didn't want to delete the already posted stuff or move it and risk losing it, so I did it this way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Please, Let Me Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas can't heal, but he can help

“That's it, I can barely keep my eyes open.” Sam said as he rubbed his face. “I'm off to bed.” He gave the open book in front of him a little shove as he stood up. “We can do this in the morning. Dean? Dean!”

  
Dean jumped a bit and tried to cover it up with a cough. “I'm fine, you go.” He looked up at his brother's face and noted the wrinkles of concern lining Sam's forehead. “I'm fine. Cas will keep an eye on me, won'tcha Cas?” Dean started to send Cas a warning look until he remembered that Cas never picked up on that kind of thing. He took a swig of beer instead.

  
Cas nodded at Sam. “Yes. I will see to it that Dean gets rest soon.”

  
“All right, I guess. Seriously Dean, go to bed soon. You're no good to us like this.” Sam stretched and walked away from the common table and towards the hallway to the bedrooms. “Early start tomorrow!” He called over his shoulder as he disappeared from view.

  
“You really should get some rest Dean. I can help if you want,” Cas said quietly.

  
Dean stared at the table and swirled the beer in the bottle. He remembered the last time Cas took away all the pain on the inside. It felt so good to be held like that. So peaceful and calm. He squashed the memory and emotion before it could get the better of him. “I'm good, thanks Cas,” Dean grumbled as he stood up quickly. Too quickly, it turned out. He lost his balance and the table would have broken his fall if Cas hadn't reached out and caught him. For just a second, Dean allowed himself to be caught. His muscles loosened up a bit as he started to relax in Cas's arms. As he turned his head he inhaled Cas's scent and felt a flood of peace and goodness. Part of Dean wanted to stay there forever, safe and warm. The other part took over and Dean tore himself from Cas's embrace.

  
Dean grabbed his beer and downed the remainder in one gulp, then banged the bottle down on the table. “Fine. I'll go. I'm going.” He straightened his back and managed to take a couple of steps before the limp came back.

“Dean...please...let me help you,” Cas stood waiting for permission, his eyes pleading with Dean.

  
“All right,” Dean said gruffly. “Fine. C'mere and be my crutch.”

  
Cas immediately went to Dean's side and gently put his arm around Dean's waist, lifting him slightly to take the pressure off of Dean's sore knee and ankle. They walked to Dean's bedroom slowly, Cas allowing Dean to set the pace while continuing to hold him up so walking was a bit easier.

When they arrived at Dean's bedroom, Cas pulled away and returned Dean's full weight to him. Dean grunted and put a hand up on the door frame to steady himself. Cas opened the door and waited for Dean to collect himself.

“I can help you Dean. I can take your pain from you.”

“No! Cas...your grace is running out. You can't use it on me to heal me. I'll heal just fine.” Dean angrily pushed himself into the bedroom and stumbled to the bed. “I'm fine.”

“You are not fine. I can help without using my grace. Dean. Please. Let me try.”

Dean looked over at Cas and realized that he had to turn his head up just to look Cas in the eye. The pain in his shoulder was causing him to slump over. Once he admitted that to himself, he could also feel a hot searing pain in his knee, the bite of his ankle when he rested weight on the foot, multiple cuts, and stitches that itched and twinged. Obviously the pain meds he'd taken with the beer hadn't really worked – or maybe they did and he'd pass out from pain otherwise. There was also something deep in his belly, like a ball of acid, that appeared whenever he thought of the people he'd killed. Normally he could push it away or drown it in whisky but today it overwhelmed him. Defeated, he looked up at Cas and nodded almost imperceptibly.

Cas took a grateful step forward and held out his arms. “Door! Cas shut the door!” Dean barked. He felt uneasy at the idea of his brother knowing what he was doing.

“Of course.” Cas quickly went to the door and closed it then took a step towards Dean. He could see the battle playing out in Dean's features: wanting to be tough but on the border of crying like a small, hurt child. “In order to do this, I will need to encircle you with my arms. Is that all right?”

Dean nodded but still would not look Cas in the eye. He could barely admit to himself that he had been craving this, wanting it, needing it from Cas since that one time. He couldn't figure out how he could feel this way about Cas when Cas was a dude. Seriously, a dude. Well, OK, an angel...but still in dude form.

Very carefully, Cas reached out and stepped closer to Dean. He felt the muscles in Dean's upper arm relax at his touch. He slid his hand to Dean's shoulder and around to Dean's upper back, feeling the softness of the shirt covering the hardness of Dean's build. Before Dean could pull away, Cas brought his other hand up and placed it on Dean's lower back, completely surrounding him.

Dean felt relieved almost instantly. The pain was fading fast and his head was spinning with something new and unfamiliar. Without wanting to be obvious he turned his head so he could inhale Cas's scent at the base of his neck. Tentatively, Dean allowed himself to slip his hands under Cas's jacket and return the embrace.

Cas groaned quietly and tightened his grip on Dean. In doing so he pressed his thighs and pelvis up against Dean. Now that as much of Cas was in contact with Dean as possible, Cas focused on flooding Dean with an aura of peace and kindness. It worked.

Dean felt his muscles turn to mush...except one. The surge of bliss from Cas caused him to gasp out loud, close to Cas's ear. His hands involuntarily clutched at the fabric on Cas's back as he lowered his head to Cas's shoulder and closed his eyes. For a single moment the world was only goodness, purity, and light. Dean felt as though his soul could soar outside his painful vessel if he could just let go.

A vague sense of discomfort brought Dean back to reality. His head cleared a bit and he suddenly became aware the Castiel had a huge erection that was pressing up against Dean's hip. Instinct kicked in and he tore away from Castiel's firm grip. Even more confusing for Dean was the throbbing boner he was sporting.

“What. The Fuck. Cas.” Dean snarled as he sat down heavily on the bed. “Seriously. Angels don't get...like that...” Dean trailed off while waving in the general direction of Cas's pelvis.

“Yes. No. Wait.” Cas closed his eyes to gather himself before continuing. He opened his eyes and looked directly at Dean, who met his gaze with some difficulty. “I don't know exactly why this is happening. My vessel responded like this before, when my grace was gone. I had...intercourse...with a woman. It was very...pleasant...but not...um...”

Dean realized that Cas seemed very uncomfortable, maybe even more uncomfortable than Dean felt right in that moment. “Look. Cas. Just stop, OK? Stop.” Dean held up his hand and looked away. “It's fine. Let's, ida know, forget about it. Not talk about it. OK?”

“Dean...I want to explain. You are-”

“Stop! I gotta rest right now. We can talk later, all right?” Dean said harshly.

Castiel waited for a moment just in case Dean was wanting to talk more. This was not the case so he turned to leave.

“Cas!” Dean grouched, then softened his tone. “I feel better. Thanks for doing the...thing.” He could not bring himself to look directly at Cas and instead focused on Cas's hand. “But don't tell anyone, especially Sam. Got it?”

Cas nodded, then replied aloud when he saw that Dean wasn't looking. “Of course. I'll go now, let you rest.” He waited a beat hoping Dean would invite him to stay. When the invitation didn't come he turned to leave, taking care to be quiet opening and closing the door. Once on the outside of the door, Castiel gently put a hand up on the door panel, allowing his fingertips to feel the smoothness of the wood. He closed his eyes and lowered his head slightly. His hand came away from the door and formed a loose fist to knock and ask to be invited back in. Before his knuckle made contact with the wood he turned away quickly. There would be other occasions to show Dean how he felt. It was becoming distracting to Cas, how much he wanted to be around Dean. Respecting Dean's wishes, Cas made his way back to the common room and wait for the brothers to wake up.

Once the door was closed Dean stood up quickly in his bedroom. He opened his mouth to call out to Cas, wanting nothing more than to be back in his embrace. At the last second he gave himself a small smack on the mouth to shut himself up. 'It felt good, it's over, that's it,' Dean told himself. He unbuttoned his jeans in preparation for bed, allowing his hand to graze his stiffened member. All of the peace and kindness and joy and euphoria came flooding into his hard organ. Dean barely had time to get his hand inside his underwear before he erupted in a sticky, gooey mess. After some clean up, Dean had the best sleep he'd had in months.


	2. The Next Morning

Dean woke up slowly. Very gently his dreamworld was replaced by reality, bit by little bit. Not quite ready to join the world, Dean snuggled down into his pillow and prepared to sleep some more. His body was having none of that though, and instead of getting comfortable Dean started to become aware of all his aches and pains. Each one a little more sharp, a little more painful, than the one before. His stomach grumbled and his bladder filled creating an urgent need to get out of bed. Without thinking he moved his hand over to the space beside him in bed. When he felt the bed was cold he pushed himself up and saw he was alone.

Last evening's events came flooding back and overrode everything else. Dean remembered how good Cas made him feel, and how ashamed he felt for feeling good. He let the conflict exist inside him and added the want to wake up next to Cas. Tousled, rumpled, warm, Cas. _Enough,_ he thought. _It's over. Done. No more_. Dean swung his legs out of bed and planted his feet on the floor. He rubbed his face and stood up, immediately regretting this decision as his ankle was not healed.

“Son of a bitch!” Dean lifted the offending ankle and gave it a little shake to disperse the pain a bit. “Goddammit,” he mumbled as he pulled on his robe and limped to the bathroom to take care of necessities before heading to the kitchen.

 

Sam was sitting at the kitchen table staring at his laptop. His mostly finished bowl of cereal was set aside next to the remains of his coffee. Cas was near the stove with an egg in each hand. “I remember liking these scrambled when my grace was gone,” Cas mused. “With bacon.”

Sam looked at Cas and smiled. “Yeah, eggs are good. So's bacon but bacon isn't good for you. Too much fat.”

Cas opened his mouth to reply when Dean limped into the room. Sam looked over at Dean and saw his brother's face light up when Dean looked at Cas. Sam moved his gaze over to Cas and saw joy radiating around him like an aura, then confusion. A quick glance back at Dean and Sam saw what he was used to seeing: his brother's hardened jaw and closed face.

Dean went over to the coffee pot and helped himself to a cup. “Did someone say something about bacon? Do we have bacon?” He looked in the fridge, mostly just to avoid looking at Cas. Dean felt like if he looked in Cas's eyes too long he'd be lost forever.

“We need supplies,” Sam said with a yawn. “There's nothing happening out there right now. Monsters must be taking some time off. I'm going to go into town and get some stuff, want to come?”

“Sure, why not,” Dean said while closing the fridge door. “I need food first. And there's no bacon,” he grumped while pouring himself some coffee.

Cas smiled at Dean. “The bacon is here, so are the eggs, do you want me to fix them up for you?” Cas asked hopefully.

“You can cook?” Dean asked with a bit of awe. He let his eyes travel over Cas's hands and saw an egg in each one. An image of those strong hands resting on Dean's back hit Dean so hard he almost groaned out loud. He then put considerable effort into abolishing such thoughts and took a large swallow of coffee to keep his mouth busy.

“Yes, I can cook,” Cas said. “I had to keep my vessel alive while my grace was gone.” He cracked the eggs into a bowl and set the bacon in a pan. “Sam, would you like some too?”

Sam was watching Dean and trying not to laugh at his brother. That coffee was hot and Dean must have burned the inside of his mouth. He wanted to say something to let Dean know that it was OK to be in love with Cas, but as usual he couldn't find the words. “Yeah, sure, not much though, I already had the cereal. And thanks.”

“Yeah thanks Cas,” Dean called out over his shoulder as he nonchalantly poured a large glass of cold juice. He took a huge mouthful of juice and swirled it around his mouth while staring at Sam.

“What,” Sam laughed.

“You got a problem?” Dean demanded after swallowing.

“Mouth hurt?”

“Screw you. Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

The brothers stared at each other for a beat. Sam could see that Dean was on edge about something...or someone...so he let it go. “So we need more bacon, probably beer, and-”

“Pie. We need pie,” Dean interrupted.

“Yeah, pie. And some bedding for Cas,” Sam said and then waited. He watched the expressions play out on his brother's face while Dean tried to figure out what Sam was saying.

Dean put his juice down next to his coffee cup and went over to the stove. He watched as Cas pushed the half-cooked bacon out of the way and dumped the beaten eggs into the grease puddle. “Bedding?” he asked as casually as he could.

“Yeah. Cas doesn't have a room yet but he should since he pretty much lives here with us now. The bunker's got the extra rooms, so why not? Right Cas?”

Cas stirred the eggs around and shuffled the bacon a bit. “I would like a room of my own, thank you. I don't have any money to buy anything. I will just use what is already there.”

“We've got you covered, right Dean? Cas you can come with us and pick your stuff out.”

Dean tore his eyes away from Cas's hands. “What? Yeah. We can cover it.” Dean realized he was going to need to sit down immediately. The last thing he needed was his brother teasing him about the tent appearing in his boxers at the thought of Cas and bedding. Wrapping his robe a little tighter he went to the table and sat across from Sam.

“Plates?” Sam asked with an amused look on his face.

“What?” Dean found once again he had to rip his eyes away from Cas to look at Sam.

“I will bring the plates, with food on them,” Cas said to Sam while turning the burner off.

“You're distracted this morning. Anything you want to talk about?” Sam asked Dean with some concern. Getting a rise out of his brother was one of his favourite things to do but somehow Dean seemed a bit off today.

“Pain. I'm in pain. My fucking ankle is killing me. I'm covered in cuts and stitches. Every bloody muscle hurts. Goddammit I miss Cas being able to heal.” Dean barked rudely. He had to bite his tongue before he told Sam what he really wanted...Cas's arms around him again.

Cas slid a plateful of hot eggs and bacon in front of Dean and a smaller portion in front of Sam. He then handed the two brothers forks and went over to the cupboard where he found some Tylenol. “How many, Dean? Two? Three?” He asked kindly.

“Three...please...thanks...” Dean took the medication and swallowed it with juice. He felt horrible for being rude but he had no idea how to fix it. “Cas, I'm sorry. I know it's not your fault you can't heal right now. I'm just...hurting. I'm not used to it anymore I guess,” Dean said as kindly as he could. It still came out gruff.

Sam watched his brother struggle with himself. All he wanted was for Dean to be happy and he could see that would be with Cas, if Dean could ever admit it was OK to have those feelings for another man. “Cas, give me a couple Tylenols too? Thanks.” Sam took them from Cas and swallowed them dry.

Dean shoved a forkful of eggs into his mouth and grunted appreciatively. “My god Cas, these are fantastic!” Dean looked up at Cas who was positively beaming from the compliment. Without waiting for a reply Dean tucked the rest of his breakfast away before his brother could ask for a bigger portion.

“Dean's right, you are a very good cook,” Sam added while he watched Dean lick the bacon grease off his fingertips. “You gonna lick the plate now Dean?” Sam teased.

“I'm gonna eat your breakfast if you don't shut up,” Dean warned, then went back to his greasy fingers.

Sam smiled and ate his eggs. Feeling generous, he flipped one rasher of bacon onto Dean's plate which Dean promptly gobbled up. Sam felt a bit better now that Dean was fed and seemed to be in a better mood. He picked up his plate to put it in the sink and noticed Cas standing very still and staring. Cas was watching Dean with open adoration as Dean took each finger into his mouth and sucked away the bacon remnants. “Hey Cas,” Sam ventured, “since we're shopping today anyway, what'd'ya think about some new clothes? It's always good to have more than one suit you know. Our treat.”

Cas moved his attention away from Dean and over to Sam. “Yes, thank you. I would like that,” he replied.

“OK, well, I'm going to take a quick shower before we go. Give me a half hour,” Sam said as he left the kitchen.

“Are you going to take a shower, Dean?” Cas asked quietly.

Dean stopped sucking on his pointer finger and looked Cas in the eye for the first time that day. “Do I smell bad?” he asked. Part of him very much wanted to give Cas a reason to come closer to him.

Cas hesitated. “No, Dean,...you smell...very good.” He slowly walked towards Dean without breaking eye contact. When he was next to Dean at the table he reached down and collected the plate carefully. He wanted desperately to kiss Dean, to taste the bacon on his tongue, but he could see that Dean was still struggling so he simply took the plate and put it in the sink for later.

Dean watched Cas through all of this and mentally kicked himself for not kissing Cas when he leaned over. Instead he got up suddenly and immediately cried out when he put weight on his ankle. He sat down heavily and put his hurt foot up on his knee. “Fuck!”

Seeing Dean hurt was too much for Cas and instead of preserving the remains of the borrowed grace, he placed a finger on Dean's ankle and healed it. Then he, too, had to sit down quickly before he lost his balance.

“Cas...”

“It's nothing. I only used a little of the grace. You will have to heal naturally from the rest of your wounds. Just give me a moment and I will be fine.”

“Thanks. Really, Cas, thanks,” Dean reached out and squeezed Cas's shoulder. He left his hand there for a moment, comforted by the touch.

The moment passed and Dean took his hand away with some regret. “I'll go get dressed so I'm ready when Sam is done. You OK?” Dean asked before getting up.

“Yes, I will be fine. I will wait in the common room for you and Sam.” Cas said tiredly.

Dean wanted to continue the conversation, maybe find a reason for Cas to come into his room for a while. Just as he was leaving the kitchen he thought of something and turned back. “Hey Cas, you pick a room yet?”

Cas thought about it for a moment. “No, but I think I know which one I would like,” he answered. “May I show you?”

“Yeah, yeah, go ahead.”

They walked to the bedrooms in silence and Dean's heart leaped a little when they arrived at his door. He was deeply torn between wanting Cas in his room all the time and not wanting to be gay.

“This one,” Cas suggested. “I know it's right across from your room but-”

“It's great. Really. Yeah. That one is a good choice,” Dean stammered like a teenager. Clearing his throat he opened the door to the unused room to make sure it was, in fact, still usable. It was. “Here, you check if you like the way the furniture is and all that while I get dressed.”

“Thank you Dean, I will.” Cas gazed at Dean with longing and wanted to reach out and embrace Dean again. Dean tried to maintain eye contact but he was getting too flustered so he looked away. Dean opened his mouth to apologize again to Cas for being rude earlier when Sam sauntered by.

“Hey,” Sam said looking between Cas and Dean. “What's going on?” Sam rubbed at his wet hair with a towel. It was obvious that Sam was still using the gym in the bunker on a regular basis. Dean's hand involuntarily went to his softer middle while looking at Sam's cut torso.

Cas looked at Sam excitedly and said “I was picking out a room. This one,” he said indicating the open door behind him. Cas did not seem to notice Sam was wearing only a towel.

“Yeah, OK. We'll head out soon.” Sam flicked his hair in Dean's direction. “As soon as I'm done my hair.” Sam fluffed his hair again knowing it bugged his brother.

“Gimmie a minute, I gotta find some clothes. Should take less time than your hair,” Dean teased.

“Right,” Sam laughed as he headed around the corner to his room with one last flick of his locks.

“OK, so, see you in a minute then,” Dean said to Cas as he went into his own room and closed the door. He was going to have to take care of some urgent business first. There was no way he was going shopping with a giant boner, no way at all. Luckily, it didn't take him very long with the thought of Cas across the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm figuring out this chapter thing and re-editing/tagging as I go


	3. Out Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, Cas, and Sam need some supplies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this both as an additional chapter and as a stand-alone.

Everybody piled into Baby in their usual seating assignments. Dean wanted to have Cas sit next to him but Cas had long ago given up on calling shotgun. “All right, where to first?” Dean asked while adjusting the rear view mirror to reflect Cas as well as the road.

“There's a mall nearby,” Sam mentioned. 

Dean groaned.

“I know, I know, you hate crowds. But it has that big box store with everything. Even pie.”

“Pies? Do they make pies?” Dean gained a little excitement for the trip. With a glance in his rear view mirror he put the Impala in gear and followed Sam's instructions to the mall.

 

Once there, Dean parked very far out in the lot. “You know Dean, you could park closer. Your ankle is going to have enough of a workout today,” Sam suggested.

“No. I don't want scratches in the finish. My ankle is fine.”

“Dean...”

“It's fine Sam. Let it go.”

“I healed it for him,” Cas interjected.

Sam looked impatiently at Dean, who would not meet his gaze. “Cas...you need to keep what's left of the grace. We haven't been able to find yours yet,” Sam admonished. He looked over his shoulder and saw the wounded look on Cas's face. Sam softened a bit. “Well, it's done now but please Cas, save it for emergencies OK?”

Cas nodded as he got out of the car and positioned himself so that he was beside, and slightly behind, Dean. “This place is very large.” Cas stated as he made sure to brush up against Dean's arm.

Dean drew in a breath sharply and tried to cover it by coughing a little. “We need clothes, food, beer, and sheets right? Let's get to it so we can get home.” Clapping his brother on the shoulder for distraction, Dean let his other hand gently curl around Cas's loose fist for a very brief second before pulling away. The three of them entered the store at the closest entrance and began their shopping.

 

“Clothes first,” Sam ordered and led them to the correct area of the store.

“You've been here a lot Sam? You know where everything is or what?” Dean chided. 

“C'mon Dean, all these places are the same.” Sam reached out and fingered some plaid shirts. “Oh these are nice, and cotton, easy to care for.” Sam grabbed a couple of different colours in his size. “We are going to need a cart, aren't we,” Sam said. “I'll go grab one while you two find some clothes.” With that, Sam handed Dean his choices to hold onto and left.

“Yeah, I'll just hold these for you!” Dean called out to Sam's back. Sam waved in acknowledgement and kept walking. With the clothes dangling in his hand he asked, “see any clothes you like, Cas?”

Cas looked at the selections around him with bewilderment. “I've never really thought about it. My vessel was wearing these and they are comfortable. So maybe more of them? I don't need much.”

Dean looked at Cas's suit and nodded. “Easy enough I guess, white shirt, dark suit. Blue tie.” He reached out with his free hand and ran the tie through his fingers with a little smile. It was still on backwards. “And...uh...underwear.” Dean dropped the tie. “Do you want something to sleep in as well?”

“I don't sleep Dean.”

“OK, relax in for the night then. You have a bedroom now and you can lie down and get comfortable while you recharge or whatever.” Dean could feel the heat coming up his face at the idea of Cas in comfy pants under sheets. He quickly turned away to hide the blush and busied himself with flicking through shirts on the rack next to him. 

“Yes, nightwear is a good idea. Thank you.” Cas looked at the shirts Dean was rifling through and pulled one away from the rack. “This is soft. What is it?”

“Flannel,” Dean replied after checking the tag. “It's my size, do you like it? We can find it in your size.”

Cas hesitated. “I like it for you,” he finally said.

Dean started to say something, although he had no idea what, when he glanced up and saw Sam coming back with a cart. “It's about time,” he growled halfheartedly. He tossed Sam's choices in the cart and added the shirt Cas liked.

“Just one?” Sam asked. 

Dean cast a glance around the department. “No, my clothes are all torn to shit. I'll pick more. Cas wants a suit so we need to go over there too,” Dean indicated a corner of more formal wear.

“All right,” Sam said and turned his attention to the clothes he liked, adding to the pile in the cart. Dean also chose a bunch on his own...and accepted every single one Cas picked for him after checking the size. Jeans were in the same area and thankfully the store had the brands the brothers wore regularly. After grabbing a couple of pairs each they moved to the underwear area with Cas pushing the cart.

Dean swallowed hard and tried to appear casual and relaxed. Images of Cas in underwear were now invading his thoughts. 

Sam could sense his brother's sudden change in attitude and tried to lighten up the situation a bit. “What do you think, Dean, trunks? Low rise? Which do you prefer?” he joked.

“Bitch,” Dean responded with a little smile, grateful for the distraction. He found the boxer briefs in his size and put them in the cart beside Sam's briefs. “Cas...uh...what....um...” Dean was lost. He cleared his throat to buy some time when Cas spoke up.

“There are so many different kinds. These look terribly uncomfortable.” Cas was holding a package of thong underwear. 

Dean now had an image of Cas in a thong clamouring for his attention. After a quick second he took them away from Cas and tossed them in the direction of the display. “Do you like the underwear you have on right now?” Dean asked as gruffly as he could manage.

“They are....roomy. So yes. I suppose so.” Cas searched the display and found some broadcloth boxers in different colours. “How do I know what size?”

Sam and Dean looked at each other. Sam indicated with a raised eyebrow and slight nod at Cas that Dean should answer. Dean looked back with his WTF face and waited for Sam to take over. 

Sam gave in. “Cas, you see the washrooms there?” Sam pointed and Cas nodded. “Go in to the men's room and into a stall. The size is on the waistband usually on the back. Also check your pants size, it will be somewhere on the waistband as well. OK?”

“Yes, all right. I will be right back.” Cas walked the short distance to the washrooms and went in.

Dean and Sam waited mostly patiently. “It's like shopping with a kid,” Dean said as he chose some socks.

“Yeah no kidding.” Sam also tossed socks in the cart. 

Dean noticed the dress socks nearby and found some that looked like what Cas wore. “These ones you think?” he asked his brother.

“Probably.”

Cas returned with a proud grin. “I found the size. Medium.” He made his selection and added a packet to the cart.

Dean realized he was still holding the dress socks so he held them up for Cas. “These the socks you like?”

“Yes, thank you Dean. Do I need to find out the size for them as well?”

“No Cas, it's basically one size fits all. Unless you're a moose,” Dean teased his brother.

“Jerk. Now over to the suits.”

The trio wandered over to the suits where much to their surprise they found replicas of the one Cas was wearing. “Your vessel must have liked easy care,” Dean laughed. Cas looked a bit confused but didn't pursue it. They found the right size and chose two pants and two jackets before moving on to shirts. White shirts were also very easy to find. “These sizes are strange. There is no medium,” Cas said to the brothers.

“Shirt sizes are different. Here, let me check your collar.” Dean got behind Cas and resisted the urge to press himself against Cas's backside. He leaned forward a bit to try to see the tag on the back of the shirt, momentarily giddy with Cas's delicious scent. Dean's fingers trembled as he tried to pull the collar down to look at the tag. He tried to inhale more of Cas's scent surreptitiously while he fumbled around the back of Cas's neck.

Sam watched Dean struggle for a minute before gently pushing his brother away. “I'm taller, I can see better,” he said as kindly as he could. He pretended not to notice Dean's rapid breathing and flushed face. With one movement he pulled down the collar and called out the size. He straightened Cas's collar and stepped away from Cas and over to the rack of shirts to give Dean some time to pull himself together. He found some white ones in the right size easily enough. “Two white ones, right Cas?” he asked without looking.

“Yes, please. And thank you,” Cas replied while trying to catch Dean's eye. He really liked the feeling of Dean's fingers brushing his neck.

“All right, are we done then?” Sam asked.

“Uh, no, pyjamas for Cas too,” Dean mumbled and headed over to the sleepwear without waiting for a response.

Sam looked surprised. “You don't sleep,” he mumbled to Cas as they followed Dean. 

Cas gripped the cart handle a little harder. “To change into while I rest. Dean said it would be more comfortable. I agree.”

Sam gave Cas a nod of assent and caught up to Dean who was looking at some jersey knit pants and shirts. 

Fingering the soft material Dean caught himself daydreaming about Cas's strong back covered in such cozy fabric. How the pants would cling just enough to show shape but be baggy enough for comfort. Suddenly aware of where he was, he cleared his throat and dropped his hand. 

“Do you like those ones, Dean? Are they comfortable for resting?” Cas asked casually.

“...I...like them...for you,” Dean stammered. He held out a set in sapphire for Cas's approval.

“Thank you. I like them too,” Cas watched as Dean added two sets to the cart.

Sam wanted very much to tell Dean to just kiss Cas and get it over with but he knew his brother would have to come to terms with this on his own. In the meantime he tried not to roll his eyes right out of his head. “And on to sheets,” he said, taking the lead so he wouldn't have to watch the two of them eyeball each other.

Sam found the right aisle easily enough and stopped in front of the shelving.

“They make sheets in jersey material now? No way,” Dean almost gushed. “These will be way more comfortable.” Dean looked at all the colours available and kept coming back to the blue...the blue that matched Cas's eyes...how good this colour would look as a backdrop to Cas's sleep-rumpled hair when he opened his eyes...with a deep breath he pulled himself back to reality. 

Cas watched Dean and seemed to actually catch on. “May I have these?” He asked, holding the blue package up. 

“Yeah, sure,” Sam said with a shrug. “Your bed is a double so make sure the sheets are double too.” Sam then chose soft grey for himself.

Cas checked the package and put them in the cart. Then he placed his hand on the forest green set on the shelf and looked at Dean questioningly.

“Yeah, grab those for me would'ya Cas?” Dean grunted when he saw the colour Cas chose for him. Cas beamed as he took them off the shelf and added them to the growing pile.

“Food. We need food. And beer goddammit,” Dean blurted. 

“Will we have room in the cart?” Cas wondered.

“Yes.” Dean leaned over and squished everything down to make room. “Let's get to it.”

The food went relatively easily and they filled the cart to the brim with Sam's smoothie ingredients and Dean's cheeseburger fixings. Breakfast stuff and a metric fuckton of cans created a mountain in the cart, with beer and pie balanced delicately on top. “To the till and home,” Sam said with relief. 

“Can we use your cards, Sam?” Dean asked. “I gotta sit down, my stitches are killing me. I'm gonna meet you at the car.”

Sam looked at his brother closely. He looked pale and exhausted. As much as he really did not want to go through the till himself, he agreed. “Go get the car and bring it to the entrance for me since you parked so damn far away. Cas, go with him and make sure he's ok.”

Cas nodded at Sam and looked over at Dean with concern.

Dean grumbled. He wanted Cas with him but didn't want his brother to know that. He opened his mouth to disagree with Sam and thought better of it and snapped it shut. He figured making a fuss would be worse than not. “Fine. C'mon Cas, let's get the car and bring it around for Sammy.” Dean left with Cas following while Sam chose a till.

Once outside Dean stopped and took a deep breath of fresh air. The morning was warm and while the store had many people milling about inside, the parking lot was blissfully quiet. He closed his eyes and gathered courage.

Cas waited patiently beside Dean, looking around for possible threats and gauging the distance to the car and Dean's strength. His arms hung loosely at his side and was startled to feel Dean's hand slip into his. Without pulling away he looked at Dean for permission. Dean gave his hand a small squeeze and began walking to the car. Cas had no choice but to follow, keeping close to Dean so as not to advertise the positioning of their hands.

The walk to the car was both an eternity and a millisecond to Dean. He had never, ever in his lifetime held another man's hand like this. It made him feel better to think of Cas as an angel but for anyone looking at them, they were two men holding hands. He gratefully allowed Cas to keep close and sort of hide their hands. This way he was also able to bump up against Cas's arm occasionally.

Cas took advantage of the contact with Dean to radiate an aura of peace and joy so Dean's pain could be lessened for a moment. He felt some of the tension drain from Dean so he redoubled his efforts.

By the time they reached the car, Dean was weak in the knees and craved much more contact. He turned to face Cas without letting go of his hand and scanned the area around them. Nobody seemed to be paying them any attention so Dean took his hand back and placed it on Cas's hip under his coat. 

“Dean,” Cas breathed. His eyes searched Dean's face and saw the struggle of desire behind Dean's eyes.

“Just...” Dean didn't know what to say so he slipped his hand from Cas's hip around to his lower back while stepping forward. Dean's other hand also found its way under Cas's coat and completed the embrace.

Cas lifted his arms and placed them around Dean's shoulders. In the process he moved his head so his nose was near the soft join of where Dean's neck met his shoulder.

Dean turned his head slightly so he was breathing gently but insistently into Cas's ear. Tightening his grip on Cas, he opened his lips and timidly settled them on either side of Cas's earlobe.

Cas moaned and moved his lips to Dean's neck. Following Dean's lead he parted his lips and placed them on the softness of his neck. He sucked a tiny bit and swirled his tongue to taste Dean's sweat. 

Dean groaned and released the earlobe only to exhale warmth into Cas's ear. His tongue slipped out and trailed a course around the inner cartilage, causing Cas to press his pelvis up against Dean while Dean clutched Cas's back. 

A sound drew Dean's attention. He looked up and saw a group of moms and toddlers making their way across the parking lot to the store. One mom gave him the thumbs up and a wink to show approval. A rush of coldness flooded Dean and he suddenly remembered himself. Blushing furiously he ripped himself from Cas, turned, and took a step away. He put his hands on his hips and stared at the ground for a moment while he collected himself. With a shaky voice he said, “Sam will wonder what's taking us so long. Let's go.” He went to the door and put his hand on the handle before glancing up at Cas.

Cas stood still and looked at Dean with open desire and longing. “Dean...”

“Get in the car,” Dean ordered. He lifted his eyes again and saw Cas's hurt expression. Something inside Dean melted. “Please, Cas...we can talk about it later, OK? Just...please, get in the car so we can go home.” Jerking the door open, Dean shoved himself into the car and started it up. He waited while Cas arranged himself on the front seat before putting it into gear and driving to the entrance.

Thankfully, it must have taken Sam a while to pay as Dean got to the entrance before Sam emerged. Dean took a moment to look over at Cas after putting his hazard lights on and parking up against the curb. Very tentatively he reached over and cupped Cas's shoulder that was closest to him. Cas looked at Dean hopefully and made as if to move closer. Dean prevented that by pressing on Cas's shoulder, but he left his hand where it was until he saw his brother come out with a massive number of bags in the cart. With a little squeeze he released Cas and went to help Sam load up the car.

“What took you so damn long,” Dean griped. 

“Had to use multiple cards,” Sam explained. “Quit being a lazy ass and help get this shit in the car.”

Dean said nothing and did as he was told. Once done, Sam moved the cart up to the building and out of the way. He went to get in the car and saw Cas in the passenger seat. He was about to say something when he saw the look on Dean's face: somewhere between 'start a fight, I dare you' and 'please let him stay there'. Sam raised his eyebrows and got in the back without argument. It was squishy back there with his long legs, but the drive was short.


	4. Dean's Struggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is trying to deal with his feels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut here but I had to get it out of my head before typing porny things.

Dean slid Baby into her designated stall in the parking garage of the bunker, leaving a bit of room in the rear for access. They spilled out of the car and went around to the back where Dean opened the trunk. All three stared at the sheer number of bags to be brought in and put away.

“All right, let's get it done,” Sam said with resignation as he started to load up his arms with bags.

Not to be outdone, Dean also grabbed as many as possible.

“Dean,” Cas admonished. “You are in no shape to be straining yourself. Here, I will take them.” Cas reached out and tried to remove the bags from Dean's hands.

“I've got it,” Dean insisted. “Take those,” he said indicating the remainder in the trunk.

Cas happily took the rest and banged the trunk shut. He let the brothers walk ahead of him, just in case Dean changed his mind and wanted to pass off some bags without Sam seeing. He didn't. By the time they got into the kitchen Dean was looking strained. Cas tried to catch his eye but Dean was having none of that.

“You guys want your stuff washed?” Sam asked as they dumped the bags on and around the table.

“Like dirty stuff?” Dean asked nervously, thinking of the shirts he'd used for cleanup earlier in the day and last night. He did not want his brother touching those, thank you very much. Dean popped open a beer and offered one to Sam, who accepted.

“No, the new stuff. Your shirts and Cas's sheets, all the new fabric.”

“Why do you wash new things?” Cas asked with a furrowed brow. “Aren't they clean already?” Cas opened a bag, poking around for his things.

“To get the sizing out,” Sam replied. Before Cas could ask Sam continued. “Manufacturers put sizing in fabrics so they look nice in the store. It makes the colours a bit brighter and the fabric look a little shiny. The sizing bothers some people so it's good to wash your new stuff. Also, you don't know who else has tried on your stuff before you.” Sam took a swig of beer and started putting groceries away.

“Yeah, let's just wash all of it,” Dean decided. He took a large swallow of beer with more Tylenol and sat down, content to watch his brother 

“Seriously Dean? You're not going to help?” Sam waved his arm at the ocean of bags.

Dean shrugged and smiled at Sam. “I'm hurt, remember, wouldn't want to strain myself.” With that he drained his beer and reached for another.

Sam considered pitching cans at his brother until he was _really_ hurt. “Fine. Show Cas the laundry then and I'll put away all the food. Fair?”

“Fine,” Dean grumbled. 

“I will get all the dirty clothes,” Cas stated and started to walk away.

“No! Uh...I mean, I'll get the dirty stuff and you start taking the tags off the new stuff. Meet me in the laundry room.” Without looking at either of them, Dean went to the bedrooms and collected his clothes. He considered not bothering with Sam's stuff just out of spite but thought better of it. Sam kept his room neat and his dirty clothes were in a hamper instead of on the floor like Dean's, so he dumped his dirty stuff on top of Sam's and took the hamper the laundry room.

Dean was relieved when he got to there and it was empty. He took a minute to put his cleanup shirts in the washer first so he wouldn't have to explain that to Cas. He was in the middle of making piles when Cas showed up with a very full armload of clothes...and the beer Dean had left in the kitchen. “Thanks Cas,” Dean said as he took the beer from him and swallowed a bunch. “You know how to do laundry?”

“It goes in the washer and comes out clean, then into the dryer,” Cas informed him as he started to cram the whole armload in the washer.

“Whoa, hold on there, we sort it first. Light colours and dark colours, jeans and towels separate.” Dean quickly made piles and added clothes to the shirts in the washer. “Then soap, not too much, just enough depending on the load size. Then start.” Dean started the machine and leaned back on it, downing the rest of the beer. He looked at the empty bottle with a sigh. It went down way too fast.

Cas watched Dean carefully. He noticed how jittery Dean was and that Dean would look over at him but not in the eye. “Dean...you said we could talk when we got back...” Cas trailed off unsure of how to start.

Dean cleared his throat and stared at his boots. A full beer would be very good right now. Or a mickey of whiskey. Or both. “Cas..I...” he wiped his mouth as if to erase the words he wanted to say. “Cas,” he started again setting his empty bottle on the washer. “Look, uh, I don't know what to say, I'm...” Dean looked at Cas and saw those beautiful blue eyes staring back with concern. Maybe it was the beer but he thought Cas looked positively angelic. _Well duh_ , his mind said back to him, _he's an angel dumbass._ Dean took a moment to take Cas in; the dark, ruffled hair, the rumpled overcoat, the loosely tied tie, the five o'clock shadow, those eyes... _they will be your undoing,_ his mind whispered to him. Dean struggled mightily between the desire to feel his tongue tangle with Cas's and the deep confusion about Cas's gender.

Cas waited Dean out, quietly watching Dean's discomfort slowly take over. Dean's mossy green eyes were tearing up and his face was twisting with whatever torturous thoughts ran through his mind. He kept shuffling his feet around and shifting position against the washer, occasionally gripping it behind him like a drowning man clinging to a lifeline. 

Dean turned away from Cas and ran his hands through his hair to buy some time. He brushed the tears away and planted both hands on the washer. “Cas,” he choked.

“Dean,” Cas interrupted. He wanted nothing more than to take Dean in his arms and comfort him, but not like this. Not if Dean was going to push him away again. He resigned himself to wait until Dean was ready. “This seems very difficult for you. Would you like some time-”

“Yes!” Dean whipped around and faced Cas, relief dancing out of every pore. A shadow of guilt passed through Dean at the look on Cas's face. “Some time,” he croaked. Clearing his throat he started again. “Some time would be great, thanks Cas. Really, thanks.”

Cas's shoulders slumped forward as he nodded. “I will finish the laundry while you two get some research done.”

“Yeah, research,” Dean said under his breath. His day involved food and beer at this point. But research was a good idea, see where Sam was at with Cas's grace. He didn't know what else to say so he left, turning back once. He gazed at Cas's back and felt such intense longing that his breath caught in his throat. Cas started to turn around but Dean left before he could meet Cas's eyes.

Cas sensed Dean's pause and turned around with hope, just in time to see Dean whip his head around and head out the door. He took a step towards the door before remembering to give Dean some space. Instead he settled himself and waited for the washer to finish.

 

Dean went directly to the kitchen for another beer, thought better of it and grabbed the whiskey instead. After a healthy slug directly from the bottle he wandered to the common room and saw Sam with his nose in some books.

Sam looked up and saw the bottle first and Dean's STFU expression second. He raised his eyebrow and returned his attention to the book in front of him. “Hey Dean, I might have a bit of a lead on Cas's grace. He said he heard something vague on Angel Radio and it looks like it might have some merit.”

“When did you talk to Cas about that?” Dean demanded. As soon as it was out of his mouth he realized he sounded stupidly possessive. “Never mind. What lead, what are you talking about?” He took another generous swig of whiskey.

Sam went on to explain a bit about it and where it could lead. He was about to go on about how he thought they should proceed, instead he asked, “hey, what's up? Are you OK? Like, really OK?”

Dean sulked for a minute, staring intently into the mouth of the bottle. He wanted to make sense of how he felt about Cas. Talking to someone would help, and he trusted his brother more than anyone else. Except Cas. The thought of Cas made him close his eyes and grip the bottle tighter.

“Dean? I'm getting a bit worried over here. Something's bugging you, I can see that, anyone looking at you can see that. Seriously, can I help?” Sam wondered if he should say something more specific, something about Cas.

The alcohol was starting to make Dean feel a bit fuzzy. He looked at his brother and saw only concern in his face. “Sammy...” Dean fidgeted, unsure of how to continue. “I don't know...”

When it looked like Dean wasn't going to add anything Sam decided he'd had enough of waiting. “Dean. Dean, look at me.”

Dean resisted for a beat and avoided Sam's gaze by swallowing more whiskey instead.

“Dean,” Sam said firmly.

“What are you, my dad?” Dean growled and ultimately looked over at his brother.

“No. I'm not dad. But I think that's where some of your problems lie, isn't it?”

“Watch your mouth Sammy,” Dean warned. He didn't like anyone dissing their dad. Not even Sam.

Sam took a moment to choose his words very carefully. “You seem to think that the only way you can honour dad is to be a soldier. To be everything _you_ think a soldier is. But you know dad loved you because you are _you,_ right?” Sam watched his brother take that in through the haze of impending drunkenness. Seeing Dean struggle he tried again. “Look, dad and I didn't have the best relationship in the world, but I know that you have made him proud. And nothing Dean, nothing, will take that away.”

Dean felt like he was about to cry so he distracted himself with more alcohol. “You think so, really?” he asked in the tiniest voice.

“Yes, I do. I also think that the person that is judging you the harshest is you, Dean, no one else.” Sam watched his brother fiddle with the label on the bottle. “And Dean, just so we're clear, there is nothing you could do or be that would drive me away. I've got your back, understand?”

Sam couldn't be saying what Dean thought he was saying, no way. “Nothing?” he whispered.

“Nothing. With everything we've gone through I'm surprised you don't already know that.”

A tear escaped Dean's eye and trickled down his cheek. Sam resisted the urge to brush it away and instead got up and took the bottle from his brother. “Why don't you go lie down for a bit, think about things and maybe sleep off some of the whiskey.”

Dean nodded without looking up. The bedrooms seemed ridiculously far away and his limbs felt way too uncoordinated to figure it out. Sam appeared by his side and Dean almost asked him if he could fly like Cas. “C'mon, I'll help you to the couch.”

Sam practically dragged Dean over to the couch they'd bought for movie nights. As much as Sam liked company, he didn't always like sharing the TV in his room so they bought a big one for the bunker along with a couch. Dean flopped himself down unceremoniously and was asleep almost instantly.

 

Sam continued his research for the rest of the afternoon while Dean snored noisily on the couch. Well, mostly research, also random Internet browsing. He glanced up in time to see Cas with an armful of clothes. “These are clean.” He was about to drop them on the table when Sam stopped him.

“Whoa, let's put them away, all right? Need help carrying them?”

“No, I've got them. To the bedrooms?”

“Yeah, let's start with Dean's since he's passed out.” The two of them went into Dean's room and Cas dumped the clothes on the bed in a big pile. “Here, sort them out into three piles. Mine, yours, and Dean's.” Once that was done, Sam told him to take his pile and put them away in his room. 

“What about Dean's?”

“Dean can put his own clothes away when he wakes up.”

Cas gave a small shrug, grabbed his pile and went to his room. Sam gathered his own and took them to his room. Putting them away he noticed his hamper was missing so he made a mental note to bring it back when he got a chance. On his way back to the common room he saw movement in Dean's room. He peeked in and saw Cas neatly hanging up Dean's new clothes.

 

Dean woke up with a groan and almost rolled right off the couch. Cas reached out, caught him, and helped him sit up. “You watching me sleep again Cas? Creepy,” Dean commented out of rote. Truth be told he was quite flattered. “Oh god my head.” He put his elbows on his knees and head in his hands while he took deep breaths. He drank way too much, way too fast.

Sam watched his brother for a minute before moving a garbage bin so it was accessible to Dean.

“Why does he need the-”

“I'm not going to-” Cas and Dean said at the same time, just before Dean's stomach ejected its contents into the bin. Mostly.

“That looked unpleasant. Are you all right?” Cas put his arm around Dean for comfort and for once, Dean didn't shrug it off or move away.

Dean groaned again. “I'm done.”

“I doubt it.”

“Sam, if he says he's done then-”

Dean leaned over and let the rest come out, getting all of it in the bin this time.

“How much does the stomach hold?” Cas mused.

“Now he's done.” Sam handed Dean a box of tissues. “Go clean up, brush your teeth.” Dean obeyed without a word leaving the mess behind, head hung with shame.

Sam sighed dramatically and began to clean up after his brother. 

“How did you know he wasn't done, and is done now?” Cas looked at Sam without offering to help clean.

“We've lived together a long time, Cas. It's not the first time he's drank like that. Usually he takes it slower so he just gets a nice buzz. But sometimes he tries to drown his stress too quickly and, well, this happens. You going to help clean up?”

“It's kind of disgusting,” Cas observed.

Sam laughed at that. “Yeah, it is. The human body is full of disgusting stuff sometimes. You were human once, don't you remember?”

“I never did that,” Cas pointed at the full pail.

“Well, depending on how long your grace lasts, you might be human again soon and it might happen. But I think Dean would clean you up if it does.” Sam gathered the cleaning supplies and picked up the pail. “Cas?”

Cas was looking at Sam through narrowed eyes. “You know something. I've stayed out of your minds for a long time now, since Dean told me to, but I can see that you know something. You said Dean is drinks to drown his stress. There haven't been any hunts for a while, what is causing Dean stress?” Enlightenment was dawning on Cas. His expression slowly changed from suspicion to pleading, and a touch of fear. “Tell me, please. Have I done something?” Cas sounded worried.

Sam cast a glance back at the hallway to the bedrooms to make sure Dean wasn't standing there. “No, Cas you haven't. Not really.” Cas's eyes widened a bit in shock. “No, Cas, wait.” Sam looked behind him again. He really did not want to speak for Dean. Turning back, he said quickly, “it's not that you've done something, it's more that Dean is confused about how he feels about some stuff. It's going to take a while for him to come to terms with it. But he will, just give him some time. He will talk about it when he's ready, OK?”

Cas nodded in time to see Dean emerge from the hallway. “Do you feel better Dean?” 

Sam turned around to see his brother, pale and rough around the edges. “I'm going to get rid of this,” Sam lifted the pail a bit, “then we need to check on your stitches. Sit down in the kitchen with your shirt off.”

Dean avoided Sam's eyes. “Yeah. Sure. Uh, sorry about that,” Dean indicated the pail. “Thanks for cleaning it up, Sammy. I'll do better.”

“Yeah.” Sam had heard it before. Thankfully it didn't happen often. “Shirt off.” Sam left Cas and Dean alone.

“Can I please help Dean?” Cas wanted Dean in his arms so much it almost hurt. He couldn't stand to see Dean in any kind of pain.

“No. Not this time Cas. This is self inflicted so I'll just take the pain as my punishment this time.” He finally looked up enough to see Cas's deep blue eyes full of concern...and hurt? Dean's own heart squeezed at the idea that Cas would be hurt, but it seemed like all he did lately was injure Cas somehow. He felt like the world's biggest fuckup. “Can you help me with my shirt?” He asked tentatively. “I don't want to snag the bandages trying to get it off.”

Gratefully, Cas followed Dean into the kitchen. He stood behind Dean and moved his hands under the shirt, holding it away from Dean's back while Dean lifted it up and over his head. Cas laid a hand on Dean's bare shoulder away from the stitches and before he could stop himself, he leaned in and kissed Dean lightly on the back of the neck. A small noise escaped Dean's lips at the feeling of Cas's warm lips resting on his tired neck. Sam came into the kitchen in time to see his brother looking positively ecstatic for a flash before he started to shut down again. Cas backed up and let go of Dean's shoulder while Dean sat down, hugging the back of a chair. “Get it over with,” he demanded.

Sam sighed mightily. He set the first aid kit down on the table and washed his hands. “OK, here we go.” Sam peeled off all the gauze and tape and inspected the stitches. “They are ready to come out, no infection. You ready?” Sam knew Dean absolutely hated the feeling of the thread moving through his skin as stitches were pulled out.

“Yes. No. Fuck, can't they just stay in forever? It's the grossest thing in the world,” he grumbled clutching the back of the chair hard.

Cas sat down opposite Dean and said “no, what was in the pail was the grossest.”

Sam and Dean looked at Cas. “Did you just make a joke?” Dean asked incredulously. 

Cas merely smiled a bit, lifted an eyebrow, and gave a slight nod. Both brothers laughed full and long for the first time in a while. Dean's hands loosened their death grip on the chair so Cas reached out and took them into his own. “I will ease some of the pain as Sam cuts your stitches.” Dean started to resist but thought better of it. Instead he squeezed Cas's hands and thanked him in a low voice. Cas looked up at Sam and nodded, Sam gave a nod back and got to work on the stitches.

It didn't take long, but for Dean it was an eternity. There was no pain, thanks to Cas, but the feeling of revulsion was not lessened at all. By the time Sam was done Dean looked like he was in danger of filling another pail. 

“Dean? Wasn't I able to help?” 

Dean saw that Cas looked like a lost puppy. “Yeah, there was no pain at all...just...oh god...” He swallowed hard a few times and shuddered violently. 

“Sam.” Cas commanded. 

Sam moved lightning fast and got a bowl under Dean just in time. Cas went to the sink and wet a washcloth but hesitated about bringing it over to Dean. “Sam, is he done?” he asked cautiously.

“Yeah, I think so.” Sam turned away and cleaned up. Again.

Cas moved the washcloth over Dean's mouth and Dean let him for a moment before putting his hand on top of Cas's. “Thanks.” Dean took the cloth from Cas and finished up. “Sorry about that. I, well, I uh, it's just, um,” he stammered. 

“It's OK,” Sam rescued him. “You probably shouldn't have had so much to drink, and I probably could have waited to pull the stitches. It's weird though, you can kill a demon and get goo all over you, but this is what does you in.”

“Sammy,” Dean warned grabbing his shirt.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. It's done.” Sam waited a beat. “Dean?”

“What,” he grumped.

“Do you remember what we talked about before you passed out?”

Dean's face flushed and he lowered his head. “Yeah, I do,” he said softly while twisting his shirt in his hands.

“All of it?”

Dean nodded.

Sam looked at his brother, reasonably confidant that he did indeed remember. “OK. I'm starving. You want anything to eat?”

Dean turned slightly green. “Fuck no. I want sleep.” He started to walk away and turned back. “Hey Cas,” he asked shyly. 

“Yes Dean,” he said eagerly.

“Can we talk?” The poor shirt in Dean's hands was being strangled.

“Of course.” Cas led the way out of the kitchen, understanding that Dean wanted to be private.

Dean cast a frightened glance back to his brother and was flooded with relief to see only kindness reflected back at him. He turned back and followed Cas out of the kitchen.


	5. Dean Lets Go, Castiel's First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally allows himself to admit how he feels, porn ensues

Castiel turned back to see Dean wringing his shirt while staring at the floor. 

“I just gotta, um,” Dean let go of his shirt with one hand and wiped his mouth before running his hand through his hair. “My mouth tastes bad, I'm gonna go brush my teeth. Be right back.”  
He saw Cas look up from his bare torso and nod. Dean used his shirt as a weak shield, not wanting to have Cas compare him to his brother's well defined abs. Without another word Dean turned around and got himself to the bathroom.

He saw the sink ledge and said a silent prayer of thanks that Sam is slightly more organized with household stuff than he was. Dean never would have thought to include something like mouthwash when buying personal care products. His hands shook so badly that when he opened the bottle he ended up spilling it all over the sink and himself. “Fuck,” he spat, “get a fucking grip,” he told himself. A couple of deep breaths helped him to calm down enough to get the mouthwash in his mouth so he could gargle, swish, and spit. Twice for good measure. Brushing his teeth was easier. After rinsing he splashed water on his face and body to get rid of the spillage he'd created. _I'll clean up the sink later,_ he thought as he walked out while drying himself with his shirt. He almost slammed right into Cas.

“Jesus!”

“No. It's me.” Cas deadpanned.

Dean smiled and gave a little laugh. “Um, I need some clothes. Might as well get into my jammies.” He started walking towards his bedroom.

“Jammies? Oh...pyjamas.” Cas suspected Dean might be stalling. “I will change too, if that's all right.” Cas waited patiently for a reply while Dean appeared to turn that image over in his mind.

“Yeah, yeah...good idea.” Dean got to his door. “I'll be right out.” And with that he ducked into his room and shut the door. As quickly as he could he stripped off his clothes and threw on some old, comfortable pants and ratty shirt. When he reached for his housecoat he noticed his new clothes hanging up. _Sammy wouldn't have done that,_ he thought but was too distracted to consider any other options about how his clothes got that way. Pulling on his housecoat he opened his door and looked across the hall. He saw Cas's door wide open and Cas standing there getting dressed. 

He froze and time slowed down. Dean directed his gaze first at Cas's feet, covered in warm thick socks...a pair Dean was sure were his. A wave of tenderness flowed through him at the thought of Cas taking them from the laundry for himself. The new pyjama bottoms pooled on the top of Cas's feet in a way that surprised Dean in their cuteness. Slowly he brought his eyes up the length of Cas's muscled legs moving gently as he reached for something. Then he saw the waistband...the waistband was slung low on Cas's hips. so. low. Dean inhaled sharply. Cas turned toward Dean a fraction and Dean forgot how to breathe at the sight of the pants barely covering Cas's length. Cas turned away and Dean saw that he was indeed correct, the fabric had enough cling to show the shape of his butt and enough drape to keep what was inside up to his wild imagination. “oohhhhhh,” Dean exhaled when his brain released information on breathing to his lungs. The muscles in Cas's torso were moving and taking Dean's attention so he let his eyes wander to see his lower back stretch and ripple for a second before a blue drape of fabric fell down. Startled, Dean's gaze snapped up to Cas's shoulders and saw he'd been putting on a shirt. The shirt was magnificent in hugging the muscles without being too tight. As Cas moved, the fabric would alternately cling and release depending on which muscle was activated. Cas's arms reached out for something and Dean watched his biceps and forearms twist and dance as they slid into the arms of a thick housecoat, and the way each shoulder rolled into its designated alcove. Only then did Dean look up at Cas's face to see the top of Cas's head as he looked down to make final adjustments to the fitting of his clothes. Cas's head popped up and immediately saw Dean staring so he smiled proudly. “They fit well. Thank you for choosing these. You were correct, they are very comfortable,” Cas beamed.

Time snapped back to normal and Dean remembered how legs work. He crossed the distance between the rooms making an effort to hide his aching erection. “Cas..” he said huskily. “Privacy...close the door while you change.” Dean entered the room and closed the door with a soft click. On autopilot he walked over to Cas and loosely held the lapel. “You wear this just like your overcoat,” he mused.

“Is that what you want to talk about?” Cas asked very quietly.

Dean stared at the lapel in his hand for a beat. “No. Cas,” Dean choked. He pressed his lips together to hold the words back. Taking a breath he lifted his eyes and saw unending devotion and concern in Cas's face.

Cas raised a hand and gently cupped Dean's elbow. “Dean,” he pleaded, leaving his soft pink lips slightly apart.

Dean steeled himself with a long breath. “Let me say this one time before I lose my nerve, OK?” Cas nodded so Dean continued, tightening his hold on the lapel. “Everything that matters to me has been taken away from me. Even Sammy a few times. I can't....I don't...” Dean let go and ran his hands through his hair while turning away. He suddenly turned back. “I can't lose you too. It would just hurt too goddamn much. You are-” Dean's voice hitched and he struggled to control himself. “You are too important. To me. To lose.” 

Cas saw a world of hurt in Dean. He opened his mouth to say something when Dean waved for him to be quiet. 

“The other thing. Is that....it's...you're...fuck!” Dean exhaled harshly and shifted from foot to foot. He rubbed his face and looked away, finding it easier to focus on the wall. Changing his mind he dragged his attention back to Cas's open face. “You're a guy!” he finally spit out. “I like girls! Or...I thought I did. But all I think about...is you...and...and it freaks me out.” Dean was breathing hard from panic, his erection long gone. He was terrified that Cas would turn him away, or worse, ridicule him. He waited for Cas to respond and remembered he'd basically told Cas to shut up until he was done. “That's it. I don't know. That's...Cas, please say something.” Dean did his absolute best not to stare at the floor.

Cas seemed to consider how to start. “You are important to me as well. I very much enjoy when we are together.” Cas watched Dean's expression collapse into relief. “I know it bothers you that my vessel is male, but it doesn't bother me. I have had more pleasure from embracing you than I did the entire time I was human and with a woman. I will go as slow as you want to go. I will be as patient as you need me to be. But Dean,” Cas paused watching Dean's face twist with fright. “Please don't take my hand just to pull it away when someone sees us. It's too...difficult...for me. I can't tell what you want when you do that.”

Dean swallowed hard. “I won't. I promise. Not any more. But we can go slow...really?” He added hopefully.

“Yes Dean. I will follow your lead.”

Dean reached out with a shaky hand and placed it just above Cas's divine hip. “Thank you,” he breathed while stepping in to complete the embrace.

Cas responded instantly by lifting his own arms and hugging Dean close to him.

Dean let out a little huff of air at the sensation of Cas's body pressing against his own. He could feel how thin the fabric of Cas's pyjamas was and instinctively jerked his hips forward while squeezing Cas a little harder. “Cas,” he whispered, suddenly breathing faster. Cas moved his head so he could face Dean fully. Dean took him in as best he could and noted Cas's eyes practically glowing, his pink lips moist and slightly parted, his chest rising and falling in cadence with Dean's. He also noticed his erection was back with full force, raging against Cas and in response he could feel Cas's member hard against him. Unable to stop himself, Dean lowered his head slightly and brushed his lips against Cas's.

Cas moaned softly and responded by pressing his lips to Dean...and Dean stopped trying to hold back. Instead he lifted his lips and parted them so he could slide his tongue on Cas's lip. Cas whimpered quietly in response, opened his own mouth, and searched for Dean's tongue with his own. The first touch inside their mouths sent a shock wave of pleasure through Dean while Cas melted against him. Dean managed to get one hand to the back of Cas's head so he could hold him there while his lips became more and more insistent on Cas's. 

Dean felt a tug on his housecoat and took the opportunity to try to calm down a little. He pulled his face away, Cas's following for a split second before looking at Dean with confusion. “Clothes,” Dean gasped as he shoved his hands between Cas's shoulders and the housecoat, sliding it off his body and onto the floor. Cas returned the favour, then Dean grabbed the bottom of Cas's shirt. He forced himself to slow down and carefully lift it while trailing his fingers along Cas's torso, feeling the muscles twitch in response. Once it was over his head and on the floor, Dean leaned in with an open mouth and gently sucked at Cas's neck.

Cas groaned out loud, barely able to contain himself, gripping Dean's shirt with everything he had. Dean kept sucking and swirling his tongue along Cas's neck until he reached his ear. Cas's ragged breathing was getting out of hand so he pulled back and tugged at his shirt. Cas took the hint and tore it off of Dean and dumped it on the floor. Cas lay a hand on each side of Dean's neck before deliberately running them over Dean's shoulders, onto his chest, and around his back, admiring the softness of his skin. Cas leaned down slightly and kissed the hollow of Dean's throat while sliding his hands down Dean's back and resting them on the waistband of his pants. Hesitantly, he slipped one pinky finger under the elastic.

Dean felt a stab of panic. Not ready for that yet he put a hand on Cas's and moved it up slightly so it rested on his waist. He could feel Cas's disappointment so he bent down and whispered a very low 'sorry' in his ear. Cas gasped and Dean concentrated on licking his earlobe and outer ear. In response Cas let his tongue taste Dean's neck while running his hands up and down Dean's back some more. Dean's breathing then became rough and he gripped Cas on the back with one hand while the other found Cas's delightful butt cheek. Cas was actively groaning aloud as he started rutting around, creating a lot of very pleasurable friction. 

Out of the blue Dean decided he was more ready than the thought and fumbled to get his cock free. Cas started making nonsensical noises as Dean hooked his fingers in Cas's waistband and pulled the pants down just low enough so his member sprung free. Dean lowered his head again and worked on Cas's neck, trying to get to his mouth. Cas squished himself up against Dean and started grinding with earnest. Dean felt a small spurt of pre-come lubricate his own crown and belly, and in turn, Cas's as well. Dean tried to kiss Cas again but Cas thrust his head back and called out, “Dean....the friction....Dean...” and then no longer made sense. 

A strange feathery noise startled Dean. He leaned back enough to see Cas's wings had snapped open and were expanding to their full width. Cas's ecstasy then pushed Dean over the edge and he exploded with a grunt in between their bellies. Cas cried out loudly and with one mighty thrust he also erupted massive ropes all over them. Cas's head came back to center so Dean leaned forward quickly to lick and suck at his lips. For a moment all Cas could do was pant before slowly responding to the kisses. 

Their grinding slowed down, as did their breathing, and their kisses became gentler. Cas's wings gradually receded, as did their erections. Suddenly feeling sticky, Cas pulled away and looked down at the mess with confusion. “Dean...what?” He tipped his head up at Dean and looked a bit frightened.

Dean furrowed his brow at Cas. “Didn't you say you were with a woman before?” he asked as kindly as he could.

“Yes, but this didn't happen. Dean? What is...this? It felt so good,” Cas was getting concerned and started to back away.

Dean held him in place. “Cas. It's normal. It's, uhh, come. You know, spunk, um...” Dean searched for words.

Cas suddenly understood. “Ejaculate. Right, I remember now. How silly of me.”

Dean laughed lightly. “Not silly. But I thought you knew about it. I thought you would have had that experience before.”

“No. You are the first person to make me feel that good.”

Dean blushed furiously. “Well, you can make yourself feel that good if you want, people do it all the time.”

“I doubt it would feel as good as having you here,” Cas stated.

Dean's blush deepened. “Let's get cleaned up.” He remembered his pants were around his ankles so he let go of Cas carefully and reached down for his shirt. What he wanted was a wet towel but he wasn't about to leave Cas's room like this to get one. So after he got most of it off of both of them with his shirt he stepped out of his pants and reached for Cas's shirt. He took it over to the sink and wet it with warm water and wrung it out. He rubbed Cas down tenderly before finishing cleaning himself. “There. Clean. When you have your mojo back it will be easier to clean up,” he said with a sly smile.

Cas's whole body smiled with the knowledge that this was going to happen again. Dean checked his pants and found that they were miraculously clean and tugged them on. Cas's had a couple of stains on them so Dean suggested he put on his other pair, which he did, as well as his second comfy shirt. Since Dean's shirt was soiled as well, he put his housecoat back on. The bunker was drafty.

“Hey Cas, can I stay here tonight?” Dean looked hopefully over at Cas and saw that it was never in question. 

“Of course. I will watch over you while you sleep.” Cas pulled the covers back on the bed for Dean.

“Well, I mean, will you lie down with me? I want to,” Dean paused while getting into the bed. “I want to cuddle you.”

Cas was delighted and got into bed as well. After some shifting around they found a comfortable position and settled in. “Lights,” Dean mumbled.

Cas reached up and turned off the bedside light. He watched as Dean's breathing became deep and even. Occasionally he would kiss Dean's temple to keep the bad dreams away.


	6. Waking Up In Cas's Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up in Cas's bed for the first time...and it's heavenly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> much smut...many porn...so wow

A lazy hand gently caressed Dean's shoulder and brought him up from the depths of sleep. He wanted to stay like this forever, entwined with Cas. Exhaling softly he completely let go of everything except the sensation of snuggling against Cas's body.

“You're awake.” Dean could hear the smile in Cas's low, relaxed voice. “Did you sleep well?”

Dean shifted slightly in an effort to have every available inch of his body touching Cas somewhere...anywhere...everywhere. “You smell so good. How can you smell this good?” He buried his face in the sweet spot where Cas's neck met his shoulder. “Fantastic sleep,” he mumbled, lips brushing Cas gently.

Cas moaned lightly at the sensation and increased his hold on Dean. His hand snaked up from Dean's shoulder and palmed the back of his head. He pulled it away from his neck so he could lean in and kiss Dean.

“Morning breath,” Dean warned. He tried to block Cas but Cas was insistent. Once their lips met Cas moved his hand to the top of Dean's head to card through his hair while his tongue sought Dean's. The other hand found the belt on Dean's housecoat and untied it, flipping it open so he could run his palm around his torso and onto his back.

Eager to oblige, Dean shifted and moved so that his bare chest pressed against Cas's through the thin fabric of Cas's shirt. Dean kept breaking away from the kiss just enough to suck and lick at Cas's lips before returning his mouth fully on Cas's. Pressing his full weight on Cas, he used his hands to explore every bit of Cas that he could reach above the waist. Anything below the waist Dean knew would seriously shorten the experience for himself. Cas, however, was taking great interest in fondling Dean's firm buttocks at this point. Even occasionally allowing one finger to slide between them through the pants before letting his hands return to Dean's hips and back.

Cas broke away from Dean's nibbling and suckling kissing to catch his breath. Dean immediately dove into swirling his tongue through the light stubble just below Cas's jawline. Cas arched his head back and started groaning out loud. Dean lost the ability to hold back from the roundness of Cas's backside and cupped it lovingly before squeezing and massaging it though the pyjama pants. Right about then Dean noticed they had begun to find a rhythm of rutting and grinding. Grunting with pleasure he found Cas's ear and flicked the tip of his tongue along the delicate lines, breathing hot and heavy, making Cas call out with his fingers clutching Dean's skin.

Dean pulled away and lifted himself off of Cas, much to Cas's dismay. Cas found Dean's eyes with his and silently begged for Dean to press their bodies together again. Without breaking eye contact, Dean sat up and ripped off his robe and uttered “shirt” to Cas. In a flash, Cas's chest was naked as well and the shirt was flung across the room. Bolder this time, Cas grabbed the sides of Dean's pants and gave a little tug down. Dean hopped off he bed and stepped out of his pants with as much speed and grace as he could manage. Cas let out a strangled cry at the sight of Dean's erection swaying slightly, no longer encumbered by pants. 

Cas lifted his hips off the bed and hooked his thumbs into his pants, preparing for nudity as well. “Wait. Let me,” Dean commanded. Cas whimpered but let go, moving his hands to clutch the bed sheets. Dean drank in the sight of his lover against the bed. How adorable he looked with his dark hair tousled and pressed into the pillow. Those inviting pink lips slightly moist and separated. He marvelled at how the blue of the sheets picked up the blue of Cas's irises...what he could see of them around the huge pupils. Dean hungrily ran his eyes over the heaving chest with the perfect combination of muscle and softness. And down...down...down to the huge tent in the pants moving in cadence with the hips that were still squirming, searching for friction and release.

Breathing heavily, he knelt on the bed between Cas's feet, placing one hand on the top of each foot. _Those **are** my socks,_ he thought as he ran his hands to Cas's ankles. Slowly he inched upward keeping his hands on the outside edges of Cas's legs. Fingers feeling Cas's twitching calves, thumbs finding the sharpness of his shins. In between whimpers Cas would call out Dean's name as if he'd forgotten any other word. Dean took his time sliding his hands up Cas's thighs until they finally rested on each beautiful, undulating hip. With a low moan, Dean placed his palms under the waistband of the soft fabric. He timed his movement so that when Cas lifted his hips he pulled the pants down over his behind, then lifted the front of the pants to expose Cas's throbbing cock without touching it. Resting for a beat, Dean stared at Cas's member. He saw how stretched the skin was from engorgement and how one vein roped around the shaft. Returning to the task at hand he pulled the pants down Cas's legs, finally getting to the feet and slipping them off while backing up off the bed. 

Kneeling on the bed again Dean fingered the socks and decided to leave them on. Placing a hand on each of Cas's feet he began to run his hands up Cas's legs again. This time he kept his hands on the inner edges of Cas's muscular legs, eyes never leaving Cas's trembling erection. When he arrived at the top of Cas's thighs he squeezed gently in the tender seam where his legs met the underside of his pelvis. Cas's hips bucked as he let his legs splay open so Dean could see his tight entrance. An image of him plunging himself into Cas while watching Cas come on himself slammed into Dean's head so hard he almost finished right there without touching himself. He struggled to keep control while fervently eyeing Cas's stiffness. He'd never touched another man there much less put his mouth on it, but sweet hot damn it was the only thing he wanted to do right now. Giving in to the temptation he got a hold of Cas's hips and hovered over top of his pelvis.

“Dean!” Cas had let go of the sheets and was trying to pull Dean up to him. “I want to kiss you...please....” Cas panted wildly. “..Dean.......I want to be....against you...again..... _now!”_

He looked up at Cas and saw desperation in those beautiful eyes. “I have something better in mind.” Having no idea of how to perform a blow job he decided to do what he liked done to him. “Never done this before Cas, so bear with me OK? Tell me if you don't like it or want it different.” And with that he gave Cas's hips a squeeze and lowered his mouth to lick away the precome on Cas's tip.

Cas made a noise of surprise and pleasure and rammed his head back against the pillow. One hand thrust into Dean's hair and held on for dear life while the other gripped Dean's upper arm.

Feeling bolder, Dean licked around the crown and under the ridge line of the head before wrapping his lips around the tip. He alternated between sucking once or twice and pulling away, gradually making his way down Cas's shaft. There was no way he could get all of Cas into his mouth so he took one hand off Cas's hip and started massaging the base. In his mouth he felt Cas grow impossibly harder. He knew Cas's eruption was imminent. Dean surprised himself by deciding he wanted to taste Cas so he prepared himself as best he could for the orgasm.

“Dean! It's happening again-” Cas barely got out before arching his back and releasing his shadowy wings. With one loud cry Cas emptied himself into Dean's mouth. Dean continued to suck, albeit gentler, while he swallowed as much as he could. When Cas was reduced to twitching and groaning he drew back and wiped his mouth with his hand. Cas reluctantly let go of Dean and watched as he flopped himself higher up on the bed so they were side by side.

“I want to do that to you.” Cas moved so he was down in between Dean's legs. “Oh my,” he breathed when his face was in line with Dean's hips. “Um...”

“Yeah?” Dean was panting hard at the idea of what Cas was about to do until he saw the worried look on Cas's face. “What? What's wrong?” Suddenly concerned he propped himself up on his elbows so he could see Cas better.

“I don't know what to do. And when you, uh, when the, um when the-”

“Cas. Biggest rule is no teeth, keep those away so you don't bite or something. I gotta tell you that I want your mouth on me so bad I don't care what you do. We can work out the details the next time.” Dean paused to catch his breath and try not to finish before Cas started. “And if you want to swallow then swallow. Or spit it out. Or back away before it happens. I'll give you a warning. OK?” 

Relief washed over Cas's face. “Thank you,” he breathed with a smile. He lowered his head and wet his lips. Dean let out a soft moan and fell back on the pillow. 

It took every fibre of Dean's being to not come the second Cas's lips touched him. Those puckered, moist lips resting on the very tip of Dean. In order to distract himself he threaded one hand in Cas's ruffled hair and concentrated on not forcing Cas's head anywhere. It sort of worked. Cas slowly slid his lips down, opening his mouth wider as needed but never losing contact. His tongue trailed the underside of Dean, keeping pace with his lips. When he got down as far as he could go he began the equally slow ascent. On his way back up to the tip he sucked gently and swirled his tongue when he could. Once again he went down. This time only to the edge of the head where he moved his lips to the tender underside. There he pursed his lips slightly and sucked while moving his tongue around in circles. Dean started to wiggle his feet in an effort to hold back for a while longer. It worked until Cas started to descend again. That slow, wet feeling of being engulfed by Cas's mouth threw Dean over the edge. “Coming!” he choked out as a warning for Cas to move away if he wanted. Dean let go of Cas's head and tried not to shout too loud. Cas didn't back away. Instead he sucked greedily as Dean shot rope after rope, slowing only when Dean's throbbing diminished. With one final curl of his tongue Cas lifted his head and moved back up on the bed next to Dean, eyes asking if he did all right.

“That was fucking fantastic,” Dean panted.

Cas smiled and ducked his head shyly, blushing slightly. “Yes, it was.” He moved to kiss Dean but this time Dean successfully blocked him.

“Nope, uh-uh. I really have to brush my teeth now.” Cas moved his head to Dean's neck instead. “And take care of other human things, including a shower and breakfast.” Dean said breathlessly while moving to hug Cas tight against him.

“Shower? Would you like some help?” Cas murmured in Dean's neck. “I can wash your back for you.” Cas took one hand and ran it along the length of Dean's spine. 

Dean felt himself get a chubby at the thought of Cas naked and in a shower. “Let's go.” It wasn't until they were both in their robes and Dean had a hand on the doorknob that it occurred to him that they might run into Sam. He faltered for a second while he fought with himself. 

“Dean?”

“Yeah. Sorry. I just- never mind. Ready?” Dean was shifting his weight from foot to foot while gripping and releasing the doorknob.

“Dean.” Cas waited until Dean looked at him. “I listened to Sam's thoughts. He is in the gym starting his workout.” Knowing he was supposed to stay out of their minds he added, “I didn't listen to all of his thoughts, just enough to know where he is.”

Dean did a quick calculation. If Sam just started his workout then they'd have about an hour before Sam was done. An entire glorious, fantastic hour. Snapping himself back to reality he opened the door and took Cas's hand. “Let's go shower,” he said with a huge grin.

The shower room was indeed empty when they got there. Relief flooded through him, followed by shame for feeling relief. “Teeth first,” he instructed. “Yours too after where your mouth has been,” he added with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Cas used the mouthwash as instructed and did his best to wait patiently for Dean to finish up at the sink. He failed. Instead he distracted Dean by tugging at his belt and trying to plant kisses on the back of his neck.

“OK, OK, OK,” Dean laughed and spun around. “Come on, let's get naked,” he shrugged out of his robe and dropped it unceremoniously on the floor. He watched in awe as Cas took his time with his own robe. First the tie unspooling from its knot, then the strong hands pulling the robe open, each shoulder rolling out individually, finally the robe dropping off of his arms. Cas caught it at the last second and turned away to hang it up.

Dean gasped Cas's name. “Your wings,” he breathed. “I can sorta see them...but not really. What the hell?”

Cas turned back. Without looking at Dean he walked over to the shower and started the water running. “Come help me with the temperature.”

“Seriously Cas, why can I see your wings? Are they always there? And why do they spread out right before you, uh, finish?” Dean tested the water and added more hot. “Are you blushing?” he asked with amusement.

Cas still wouldn't look up. “I've never shown them to anyone like this. They are...diminishing...as the grace wears out.” He gave Dean a gentle shove to get him under the water spray. “I don't know why they come out when we do that. Does it bother you?” He picked up a washcloth off a nearby shelf. 

“Hair first.” Dean took the washcloth from Cas and lay it on top of the bottle of body wash. “Nah, it doesn't bother me. I'm just...ida know...nosy I guess.” A ball of ice worked its way through Dean's abdomen when he realized Cas had not looked in his direction since he started asking questions. “I didn't mean to upset you,” he said tenderly, searching for Cas's eyes. “Cas....why won't you look at me?”

Cas found the shampoo and squirted some on his palm. “I'm not upset. Well, not really.” He reached up and started massaging Dean's scalp with the shampoo. “I like my own wings.” Cas finally met Dean's eyes. “These are...inadequate.” Realizing he had way too much lather he scooped some off and started working it on his own hair. 

Dean took over and cautiously scrubbed his hands through Cas's thick hair. “I didn't know that wings were personal like that. I think the ones you have are beautiful.”

“When I get my grace back, I will show you my real wings. They are much more...substantial.”

“I'd like that, but only if you want to. No pressure.” Dean let go of Cas's hair and ducked his own head under the water to rinse. “Your turn.” Dean switched places with Cas so he could rinse his hair as well. While he was waiting, Dean got the washcloth lathered up with soap. “Can I wash your back or...”

“Yes Dean. It's fine.” Cas turned around and Dean began running the cloth over those beautiful muscles. The wings shimmered a little, or maybe it was an effect of the water. Either way it had Dean mesmerized. It was odd how the wings were both there and not there at the same time. It was strange how he could wash Cas's back muscles and be under a wing...but not really feel the wing. Without thinking he slid the soapy cloth down to the crest of Cas's butt. Cas moved slightly and Dean's hand travelled in between the cheeks. At first he just moved the cloth up and down slowly, firm but gentle. Cas started moaning Dean's name so Dean pushed the washcloth up against Cas's tight hole. Dean caught himself staring at the wings shudder and flutter as Cas's breathing increased. 

Dean felt his chubby gaining momentum. “Oh my god I didn't think I could get hard again so quickly.” Dean pushed in closer to Cas and used both hands to separate his cheeks. The washcloth fell to the floor as he rested the head of his cock where his finger had just left. His hands searched for any part of Cas that he could hold on to, settling for his hips so he could still watch his wings quiver. A slapping sound drew his attention. He looked up and saw Cas had braced himself against the shower wall with his hands.

Cas started to move his hips back and forth, his cheeks caressing the tender head of Dean's erection. Dean stood motionless, watching Cas's wings quake, feeling Cas now rotating his hips in tiny circles around Dean. Having Cas take control was more of a turn on than Dean had expected. Fuelled by desire he let his hips buck once, hard, while forcing Cas's hips back onto him.

Cas cried out in pain and shot himself forward. Dean immediately let go of his hips and took a step backward. “Cas!” Panic edged into Dean's voice and his erection vanished. “Cas I'm sorry. I am so sorry, Cas?” The flowing water created a wall between them. “...Cas?” he tried again, weakly.

Cas had pressed himself up against the shower wall. He turned slightly so he could see Dean through the shower spray. Dean couldn't breathe for a moment at the look of pain on Cas's face. “I didn't like that. It hurt.”

Dean almost burst into tears. “I didn't mean it! You felt so good and I...I didn't think. I wa-” Dean gulped. The tears were coming whether he wanted them to or not. “I wan-” he cleared his throat and tried again. “I wanted t-to be ins-s-side you. But I...I d-d-don't kn-know what I'm d-doing.” With that he bowed his head so he didn't have to see the pain he'd caused.

Cas closed the distance between them and took Dean's hands. “I liked it up until that part. It felt very good.” Cautiously, Cas let go of Dean's hands and embraced him.

Relief poured through Dean. He returned the hug and tried to stop crying. A few hitching breaths later he felt calm enough and whispered another heartfelt apology into Cas's neck.

“Maybe,” Cas murmured. “Maybe we can try to make it not hurt. I think I would like having you inside of me.” 

“Only if you want to. We don't have to. Really, we don't. I just-”

“Maybe I would like to be inside of you, too.” Cas leaned away from the hug and looked at Dean mischievously. 

Dean laughed quietly. “Really? Well, I might like that too. But only from you. And not now. The mood is gone.” _Please forgive me, please Cas, please, I won't hurt you again, PLEASE,_ Dean prayed.

Cas nodded. “I agree. And you still need cleaning. I will wash you.” And with that, Cas retrieved the cloth and applied more soap. They took turns getting each other's nooks and crannies clean. When they were done they took their time helping each other dry off as well. Dean held Cas's robe open for him to slide into. Smoothing the lapels he apologized again, making sure to hold Cas's gaze.

“I can hear your prayers, Dean. They are very loud. I have already forgiven you. It was an accident and I don't believe you will want to hurt me again.” Cas stepped away to tie his robe.

Dean let his head drop to his chest in shame. “I just don't want to fuck this up.” He busied himself with finding the armholes to his own robe. 

Cas gently took the robe from Dean and helped him put it on. “I have waited this long for you. I am not going anywhere while we figure stuff out.” He felt Dean's shoulders relax a tiny bit. “Now, do you want breakfast? We bought more bacon.”

“Hell yes I would like bacon,” Dean perked up a bit. “Clothes though. We need clothes.” While still in the privacy of the shower room Dean drew Cas in and pressed as much of himself against Cas as possible. Cas melted into the comfortable cuddle until he felt Dean move away.

“OK, clothes. Then food.” Dean opened the door and followed Cas out. They walked back to the bedrooms with loosely held hands. Dean gave Cas's hand a little squeeze and a chaste kiss on the cheek. “See you in a minute.” He watched Cas turn around and enter his bedroom. “Hey Cas,” he called out.

“Yes, Dean.”

“Close your door this time when you change, OK?”

“You bet.” closed the door with a wicked grin.

Cas's door snicked shut. Dean stood in his own doorway with the sudden realization that Cas probably left the door open last night on purpose. Sly little angel, he thought while shaking his head. He closed his own door and went to find clothes.


	7. Castiel's Grace is Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel runs out of grace

Dean rushed over to his closet to find clothes for the day. Underwear, socks, jeans, those were easy enough. But shirts were becoming a problem. He wanted to wear the ones Cas had picked out for him but wearing them all at once was just silly. A small laugh escaped him when he realized he was acting like a goddamn lovesick teenager. Finally he chose the first shirt that Cas had selected on their shopping trip.

Slipping the shirt on he wandered over to the mirror. There he buttoned the bottom up quickly to avoid seeing his soft belly. _Really gotta work out more,_ he thought as he debated how many buttons to leave open. _Stop being silly,_ he thought with a shake of his bowed head. He caught movement in the mirror and saw it was just him, grinning like a fool. His hair was sticking up from the shower so he fussed with it until it was the way he liked. An image of Cas' dark, wet hair from the shower appeared in his mind creating a flush in his face and neck. _Get a hold of yourself._ A deep breath and a few minor adjustments and he was ready for breakfast.

The first thing he saw when he opened his door was Cas. Cas dressed as usual in his overcoat. Cas standing across the hall. Cas' smile. Cas' damp hair. Cas. Just...Cas. “Is the shirt I chose comfortable?” he asked with a grin.

It took a minute for Dean to remember how words work in his mouth. “Yeah...I uh....yeah, it is. Thanks.” Dean self-consciously smoothed a hand over his belly. He wanted to look his best but at the same time wanted to look normal. Or naked. Naked and in a bed with Cas. Naked Cas. _Stop it!_ he told himself. “OK, um, breakfast right?” 

Deciding not to wait for an answer, Dean closed the distance between them. He lifted his hand and rested it softly where Cas' jaw met his neck. Cas leaned into the touch without breaking eye contact, pupils huge with desire. Dean felt Cas' hand on his hip pulling him closer. He let himself be drawn in to Cas' embrace, moving his hand to Cas' hair and the other around his waist to the small of his back. From there he leaned down and brushed his lips lightly on Cas'.

He heard Cas moan his name quietly right before Cas returned the kiss with passion. Dean grunted slightly as he melted into Cas, pushing him up against the wall. 

“How about breakfast?”

Startled, Dean broke away and started to separate his body from Cas' while staring at Sam. “Um...”

Cas reluctantly released his hold and prepared to be pushed away again, disappointment oozing from him as he felt Dean's hand leave his hair.

Dean glanced at Cas' downturned head and felt a rush of assholishness for how he pulled away so fast. “Um, french toast OK? And bacon?” Dean tightened his hold on the back of Cas' shirt thereby drawing Cas a little closer. He felt a tentative hand press into the middle of his back where Sam couldn't see.

“Yeah, that would be awesome! I'm going to grab a quick shower first, get the sweat off. Think you guys will be done making out by then or should I start breakfast without you?” Sam was wearing a huge smile that lit up his whole face. 

“No! You are a terrible cook, sorry Sammy. We'll get it started, you shower.” Dean started to relax. It didn't look like Sam was going to make fun of him or freak out about what he saw.

Sam laughed and took a step or two backwards. “Hey, I can make cereal. And coffee.” He turned away and headed for the showers.

“Guess I'm making french toast.”

“You may need to release the death grip on my shirt first.” Cas' eyes danced with amusement before turning serious. “Thank you for not pushing me away.”

Dean suddenly couldn't meet his eyes. “I did though. I did and I promised I wouldn't.” He closed his eyes and waited for a reprimand.

Instead, Cas leaned in and kissed him chastely near his mouth. “You did well, the best you could. You didn't let go, you held on. Thank you.” Cas completed the embrace, holding firm without being restrictive. Muscles Dean didn't even know he tensed were loosening up, as did his hold on Cas' shirt. 

After a few deep breaths into Cas' shoulder Dean felt steady again. Steady enough to pay attention to the loud rumble of his stomach. “Food. I really need food.”

“Yes, food would be a good thing. I'm hungry.”

Dean pulled away completely, concern etched in his face. “How can you be hungry?”

“The grace is gone now.”

Dean was speechless for a beat. “How? When? Wait, it wasn't because of what we were doing...was it?” Panic started settling in his skin. _Did I do this to him? How could I have not noticed? Will he be OK? Ohmygod what am I gonna do?_ Dean's thoughts ripped through him.

“No, it wasn't because of anything we did.” Cas took his hand and led him to the kitchen. “It was happening anyway. It wasn't my grace so I burned through it. But Sam has a good idea of where to look for mine, I'm sure we'll find it.” Arriving in the kitchen Cas began to pull out ingredients for breakfast. 

“Are you OK though, like, really?” Dean fussed with milk and eggs in order to calm down a bit.

“Mostly, yes. Weak though, and tired. I may take a nap later.”

Nap. Oh sweet heavens a nap. Curled up anywhere with warm, sleepy Cas nestled in his arms. Nap.

“Dean, hello? Anyone home?”

He spun around and saw his brother looking at him weirdly. “Uh, yeah. Fine. Cas'...” Dean's voice broke. Clearing his throat, he turned back to the counter and cracked eggs into a dish before continuing. “Cas' grace is gone.”

“Oh. Cas? How are you doing?” Sam's voice was tender.

Cas gave a little shrug. “Hungry. Tired.” A faint blush crept over the bridge of his nose. “Worn out. Will you be able to find my grace with the information I gave you?”

“Yeah, yeah actually. I think I know where to look.” Sam went into a brief description of what to expect as Dean plopped gooey bread onto the hot pan. It took a minute to realize his brother hadn't responded to anything he had said. “Dean, you're quiet.”

Dean pushed out a breath as he flipped the last piece of toast. He handed plates and silverware to Cas and pointed to the table. Trying to find the right words, he loaded a serving plate with the mountain of french toast and bacon. “I don't want Cas to come with us.”

Cas and Sam looked at each other and waited for Dean to continue. “He's human now. If he gets hurt, he might-” Dean dropped the heavy plate in the centre of the table and took a shaky breath. “He might die. I'm not having any of that. We don't have to go too far. We will just-”

“Dean.” Cas' voice was kind but firm. “I don't know if I like that idea.”

“Cas. No.” Dean was adamant. He poured some coffee and put food on his plate. “Just. No.”

Sam and Cas exchanged a look over Dean's bent head. “Well, I guess Cas could stay here.”

“Sam,” Cas grumbled. “I want to go too.”

“Actually, Dean has a good point. You are weaker right now and the travel alone might be too much for you.” He ignored Cas' frustrated noises. “Better to stay here and get some rest. We won't be too long and you know us, always safe.” Sam pointedly did not look at Cas and instead tucked in to his meal.

“Cas, please,” Dean said very quietly.

Cas finally relented. “Fine. I will stay here. But I won't like it.” He stabbed a chunk of french toast and put it in his mouth with a groan that sent pleasant shivers down Dean's spine. “I missed food.”

Dean's shoulders collapsed with relief. “Thanks.” He leaned over and gave Cas a kiss near his ear. Cas acknowledged it – barely – before practically inhaling the rest of his breakfast.

Sam just watched them with delight. “You guys are adorable.”

“Sammy.” Dean warned.

“Nope, uh-uh. You do not get to be mad. You get to be adorable to me. Now, you going to have that last piece of bacon before I get the dishes done?”

Dean didn't react fast enough. Cas reached over and snagged it before Sam was done talking. 

“Hey now,” Dean feigned irritation. 

Smiling, Cas broke the strip in two and gave Dean the smaller half. Dean took it from Cas' slightly greasy fingers. Images of those fingers in his mouth started to roll around in his head. Sucking the grease off one finger at a time. How Cas would make that wondrous noise from the back of his throat.

“Dean!” 

He jumped. “Sorry, what Sam?”

“We have to plan out the trip, we can leave soon.”

Dean tore his attention away from Cas' beautiful hands and nodded at his brother. “Yeah we should get that done.”

“I am going to watch a movie.” Cas got up, rubbing his full belly. With a disgusted sound he said, “do you know what I don't miss? Urinating.” Dean smiled as he watched Cas leave for the washroom. 

“All right, how much planning do we need? What supplies again?”

Sam rolled his eyes. He knew he'd told Dean all of this already, probably twice, then remembered where Dean's mind has been. “Look, why don't I do all of that while you have some time with Cas before we go.”

Dean was practically out of the kitchen before sending a noise of consent behind him. Rushing a bit, he managed to meet Cas right outside the bathroom door. “Hey.”

Cas startled. “Hey.”

“Sam's making all the arrangements so we have some time...” Dean didn't need to elaborate. 

Cas' shy smile slowly crept across his face. “Whatever should we do.” He didn't bother to wait for an answer before kissing Dean.

Dean's hands immediately went in between the layers of Cas' clothes so he could feel the heat of his back through the shirt. Cas moved his head away so Dean dove into his neck, trailing kisses wherever he went. He pressed his hips up against Cas to show him how hard he was and noticed something missing. There seemed to be no hardness in Cas' pelvic area. Dragging his mouth away from Cas he tried to catch Cas' eye. “Cas?”

“Sorry.” His gaze flicked up at Dean's face before settling on his shoulder again. There was a battle playing out on Cas' face.

Confused, Dean watched Cas for a moment. “Hey Cas,” Dean said softly. “Can we make a deal right now that no matter how bad one of us wants sex, if the other doesn't then we back off? No pushing, no nothing, just...stopping.”

Relief flowed over Cas' body. “Yes, we can. And Dean...can we start that now?”

“Yes, absolutely. We don't have to do anything.” He felt Cas lean in slightly so he gathered him up in a hug and just held him for a bit. “What would you like to do? I can see something is bothering you, is it about us leaving you behind?” 

Cas burrowed into Dean's shoulder before answering. “Yes. Partly. I also ate too much I think. I don't feel...right. And I'm so tired.” 

Dean considered a few options. “Well, how about you get back into comfy clothes and meet me on the couch. We can cuddle and watch Netflix until you fall asleep.”

All remaining tension slid out of Cas. “Yes, please. I would like that.” 

“All right.” Dean planted a kiss on Cas' head and released him. “Meet me on the couch?” Cas nodded and Dean led him to his bedroom. “You're good?” Cas nodded again. Reluctantly, Dean left him to change while he went to set things up.

Luckily there was still a blanket on the couch from the last movie night. Dean made sure a couple of the cute throw pillows Charlie had brought were nicely fluffed as well. He just finished loading up Netflix when he heard Cas shuffle into the room.

Dean's heart broke a little. Cas looked so lost and uncomfortable. “C'mere,” he said gently, getting up to guide him to the couch.

Cas gingerly sat on the edge before lying down on his side. Dean positioned himself behind Cas so he could cuddle. “Is this OK?” Cas simply nodded. “One thing...um...I might poke you....just ignore it.” Cas nodded again. Dean settled in and found Cas' profile on Netflix. “Do you want to watch anything in particular?” Cas shook his head. Dean selected the first thing under My List and hit play. Then pause. “Cas?” He felt Cas turn slightly towards him. “You aren't talking and it's freaking me out a bit. Will you tell me what's wrong?”

“Digestion hurts.” Cas' voice was so tiny Dean almost missed it. 

It dawned on Dean that Cas body wasn't used to food. Especially heavy, rich, fatty food. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and shot off a quick text to Sam. **On the couch, bring me a water bottle.**

**What are you, fucking 5? Get your own damn water.**

**Cas ate too much. Food isn't digesting. Think he needs some water.**

Dean was about to send another text when Sam arrived with two water bottles and a face full of worry. “Cas, Cas you OK?” Cas started to nod, then shook his head. “Here,” Sam uncapped a bottle. “You need water to digest food. Don't gulp, just sip.” He held the bottle to Cas' mouth and tipped so some dribbled in, and some on the couch. “Cas do you think you are going to be sick?” Cas shrugged a bit. “Here, I'm going to readjust you guys.” Sam put the bottle down and grabbed all the pillows he could find. He indicated for Dean to lift Cas' torso up. “Let's keep you somewhat upright.” Sam tucked every pillow under Cas and Dean so their upper bodies were elevated. Then he shook out the blanket and draped it over them both. After short consideration, he also put a bucket nearby. “Drink the water Cas, all of it, slowly.” Cas nodded. “Now Cas. Drink some now.” Sam pressed the bottle into Cas' hand and guided it to his lips. Cas drank. “Good. Drink more in a minute. Keep doing that, little drinks, until the bottle is empty.” Cas nodded and had a bit more.

“Sam,” Dean said shakily. “Thanks, really.” 

“Yeah no problem.” Sam directed his attention back to Cas. “Drink.”

Cas had started to squirm a bit in Dean's arms. Small distressed noises were coming from his throat as he rubbed his stomach.

“Uh, Sammy, I don't think his breakfast is going to stay inside.”

“Yeah I'm getting that too.” In one fluid motion Sam got Cas sitting up and leaning over the bucket. “Cas just let it happen.”

Cas made a questioning noise before filling the bucket. Shaking and spitting he managed to whisper “awful”.

Sam huffed out a laugh. “It is awful. Rinse your mouth.” Cas did. 

Dean grabbed the box of tissues and gently wiped Cas' mouth. “You done?” 

Cas was still trembling and grabbing his belly. A spasm shot through him and he dry heaved a few times.

“OK, you're empty.” Sam and Dean looked at each other, Dean a silent 'seriously, thanks' and Sam a silent 'yeah no problem'. Sam took the bucket away while Dean wrapped Cas up in the blanket. 

Dean whispered all the comforting words he could find as he settled Cas back on the pillows. He found the water bottle where Sam had left it and brought it to Cas' lips. “You still have to drink, please Cas.” He accepted the bottle and took a small sip. Dean knelt on the floor next to the couch, keeping a hand on Cas as an offer of comfort.

“Stomach. Hurts,” came a little voice buried in the blanket.

“Yeah, Cas, I know. I should have eased you into food.”

“My fault. So good.” The water bottle crackled in Cas' hand as another spasm ripped through him. Dean felt tears rise up from a place in his soul he didn't know existed as he watched Cas try to ride out the cramps. 

Sam appeared from nowhere with a mug of tea. “Cas, drink this, it will settle your stomach.”

Cas gratefully handed off the mangled water bottle and took the mug of tea. “Peppermint?” He croaked after a sip.

“And sugar.” Sam saw the question on Dean's face. “Charlie taught me. I don't know how Cas will react to medicine...so I thought of this.”

Dean lifted an eyebrow and nodded his head in his usual 'what the hell, whatever' motion. 

A few tentative sips calmed Cas' trembling. His face relaxed just a tiny bit. A few more and the cramps appeared to subside. Cas eyelids became heavy and his blinks longer. Dean continued to gently rub and touch him where he could reach, murmuring all the calming words he could find. He watched as Cas' breathing became deep and even. Very gently, Dean took the mug from Cas' loose grip. He set it aside then brushed a faint kiss on his damp forehead. 

Dean watched for a little while to see if Cas would wake up. Only when he was certain that it would be a while he got up and shakily made his way to the kitchen. On his way he became vaguely aware his cheeks were wet. He wiped them with his hands wondering how long he'd been crying. 

“How's he doing,” came a low questioning voice from the table.

Dean jumped about a foot. He hadn't noticed his brother leave the common area or that he was in full view at the kitchen table until he spoke. A fresh rush of tears threatened to spill so he turned away and cleared his throat. “Sleeping.” He opened the fridge for a beer but thought better of it and slammed it closed. “Thanks for the help,” he muttered, staring at the sink with his back to Sam.

“No problem.” Sam paused. “How are you doing?” 

_Well, I'm a complete failure for giving Cas heavy food on a new stomach. I am absolutely useless at knowing what to do when he's sick. I didn't even know about peppermint tea. I'm a huge fuckup and I think I did something to make Cas' grace go away._ The tears won the battle. Or maybe they had never stopped, Dean couldn't tell. A sob escaped and with it the last vestiges of control over his emotions. He felt a warm hand on his back offering comfort he didn't feel he should have. There was a weak attempt at shaking Sam's hand off but ultimately he relented and allowed Sam to actually hug him.

“Cas is going to be fine. Just a rough patch while he adjusts to humanity again.”

Dean pushed away, shrugging off Sam's comfort. “I don't know how to help him,” he finally admitted while discreetly wiping away his tears.

“You will figure it out.”

“But you already know, how do you know what to do?” 

Sam looked at Dean with as much patience as he could muster. “Dean. Do you remember all the times dad came home shitfaced? How many times I had to clean him up? It's the same thing, just one is from drinking and the other from a bug.”

Dean blew out a breath. “Yeah.” Then it dawned on him. All the times he was sure he puked everywhere after a bender but woke up clean and in his bed. For the first time since entering the kitchen, Dean looked directly at Sam and saw resignation, patience, and possibly even affection reflected back. Words completely failed him. Sudden and complete understanding of how oblivious he'd been to what it must have done to Sam to see Dean act like their dad.

Sam searched Dean's face before nodding, a silent acceptance of Dean's revelation. “Why don't we put off the hunt for a day or two. Make sure Cas will be all right first.” Dean simply nodded, words were still too hard. “Think Cas'll want company when he wakes up.” It wasn't a question, it was a command for Dean to get his shit together and think of the needs of someone else. 

Dean nodded again. He opened his mouth to thank his brother again and apologize. Somewhere deep inside he knew words would not be enough, so he closed his mouth before heading back to Cas.

Thankfully he was still sleeping somewhat peacefully on the outer edge of the couch. Dean crept in behind Cas with as little disruption as possible. He settled himself so he was cupping as much as Cas as he could, snaking one arm around his waist. Cas pressed back against him in his sleep while letting out a contented sigh. Fresh tears pricked Dean's eyes as he thought, _I want to be better for you._ After a while, he fell asleep as well.


	8. Being Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel needs to learn to adjust to eating again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much smut in the next chapter, not so much here.

Dean slept fitfully, waking slightly every time Cas moved, drifting off again when he settled down. He took comfort in knowing Sam was close by while also giving them some space. As much as he liked packing the car up with supplies for a hunt, there was nowhere he'd rather be than wrapped around Cas.

A mumble pulled Dean into reality instantly. This one sounded different than Cas' previous whimpers. “Cas? Cas, how are you doing?” Dean asked as soon as he saw Cas was awake.

“Mouth tastes horrible.” Cas' face was twisted in a grimace as he reached for the water bottle on the floor next to the couch. He started to sit up so Dean launched himself up first in order to provide support for Cas' weakened state. Cas got himself upright much more slowly, and with a lot of leaning on Dean. Once the laborious task of sitting was accomplished, Cas tackled trying to open the water bottle. 

“Here, let me,” Dean said softly, taking the bottle from Cas who offered no resistance. Uncapping it easily, he handed it back and watched Cas practically pour it down his throat. “Whoa go easy there.”

Cas didn't seem to hear him, just sucked back the water like it was drawn from God's personal pond. The look of satiety was interrupted by a huge cramp that rocked him against Dean. He cried out clutching his stomach with one hand and crushing the bottle with the other.

Dean stiffened and prepared for Cas to eject the water. When that didn't happen he held Cas as close as he could, rocking him gently as the cramps wore down.

“Stomach is working now. I think. I feel hungry again. And thirsty.” Cas shuddered out a breath. “Really want to brush my teeth.” He made no move to get up. Instead he took a few steadying breaths while allowing himself to be rocked.

”Do you need my help getting to the bathroom?” He felt Cas nod so he got up and helped Cas to his feet, dropping the blanket in the process. Dean kicked it out of the way rather than bend down and pick it up. He took the squished bottle from Cas and dropped it near the blanket, intending to clean up later. Cas stumbled a bit for the first few steps before getting a slow walking rhythm going. Dean matched his pace, arm around Cas' waist for stability. Eventually they made it to their destination. 

“How can I possibly have to urinate again?” Cas practically whined, going towards a stall. Dean huffed out a small laugh as he, too, selected a stall to do his business. 

“Hey Cas, you have a toothbrush?” Dean asked over the flush of the toilet. He exited his stall and washed his hands.

“No.” Cas emerged after flushing. He leaned up against the stall entrance, gauging the distance to the sink. Dean's gut twisted at the pained expression on Cas' face. 

“C'mon.” He went over to him and held out an arm for Cas to lean into for the walk to the sink. “I think Sam always has extras in the cabinet.” Dean made sure Cas was steady on his feet before rifling through the cabinet. “Found some. Here, remember that yours is the blue one,” Dean unwrapped it and handed it to Cas. “You can put it with ours when you're done.” Dean indicated the holder with a small wave.

Cas cleaned himself up slowly and thoroughly, pausing occasionally like it was almost too much effort. Dean remained by his side, a hand on him at all times, ready to catch him if he fell. A small eternity later, Cas looked like he felt a bit better.

“So you're hungry?” Cas nodded. “To the kitchen then. Get some food in you.” Finally, something Dean could absolutely do well; cook something. He ran over his options as he guided Cas to the kitchen. They eventually got there and saw Sam picking through the fridge.

“You're up! How are you feeling Cas?” Sam asked while closing the fridge and looking him over.

“Better, thank you. Hungry.” Cas let himself be lowered into a seat by Dean. 

“Good. How about you, Dean? How're you doing?” Concern knitting up his brow.

“Fine. I'm fine. I'm gonna make chicken noodle soup and sandwiches. You want any Sam?” Dean rummaged through the cupboards for ingredients.

“Hell yes.” Sam grabbed a water bottle for Cas, who drank from it greedily. “Beer?” he asked Dean's back.

“Hell yes.” Dean turned in time to catch the one Sam tossed. He downed a good third in one long gulp. “Hits the spot,” he confessed, turning back to his cooking. Before long he was humming tunelessly, lost in the soothing repetition.

Sam sat down opposite Cas with a second water bottle. Cas reached for it but Sam held it away. “Let your stomach deal with the water already in there first.” Reluctantly, Cas pulled back and settled in to watch Dean. Affection radiated from him as he tracked Dean's movements. It was clear how much Dean enjoyed cooking, everything from filling a pot with chicken stock to cutting carrots into tiny pieces to buttering bread. 

It delighted Sam that both Cas and Dean seemed better. Cas had a little colour back in his face and Dean's back was straighter. “Smells fantastic,” Sam said just before a loud rumble came from Cas' belly. 

Cas commented that maybe he was hungrier than the thought. “Is it almost ready?” Cas' eyes were pleading. 

Dean cut the last row of sandwiches in halves. “Yeah it's done. Sammy you wanna fill some bowls?” Sam grumbled a bit but there was no real feeling in it. He portioned out the soup while Dean loaded the serving plate with a mountain of sandwich triangles. Sam turned back to the table in time to see Castiel drain the second water bottle. 

Sighing, he retrieved another water for Cas. “Eat slowly.” Sam ordered Cas as he set a bowl and water down in front of him. “And it's hot, so blow on each spoonful or you'll burn your mouth.”

Sam barely had the bowl touching the table before Cas had his spoon in it. He tested the soup with his tongue and found that Sam was right, it was hot. With a grumble of frustration he blew on the spoonful. 

Dean put the platter of sandwiches on the table before downing the rest of his beer. “Too hot for you, Cas?” Dean asked with amusement. He grabbed a couple of ice cubes from the freezer and plopped them into the soup. “That should cool it a bit for you.” Dean felt his chest lighten up at the sight of Cas holding a half eaten sandwich in one hand and frantically stirring the soup with the other. 

The three of them fell into a silence as they ate. Sam and Dean watched Cas closely as he drained his soup and reached for yet another sandwich. “Cas, how about that's the last one?” Sam suggested. Cas pulled a sullen face but didn't take any more.

“Hey Cas, you gonna eat those?” Dean looked pointedly at the pile of crusts beside the empty bowl. 

“I like the soft part of the bread better.” Cas added one more to the pile with a yawn. “I think I need another nap.” He stood up and stretched out slowly, his shirt riding up a bit to expose the tops of his hips. 

Dean couldn't move his eyes away from the little strip of skin between the pants and the shirt. He licked his lips and tried to swallow, imagining his tongue tracing the warmth just above the waistband of Cas' pants. When Cas dropped his arms suddenly, the shirt fell back into place, making Dean blink several times to return to reality.

“Lovesick much?” Sam laughed. Dean blushed furiously, shooting a warning glare at Sam. “Nope, that's not gonna work on me. I have been waiting for you two to figure this out for years, I'm gonna have my fun with you.”

Dean got up from the table. He considered really laying into Sam. But really, he was thrilled that the sadness was erased from Sam's features. Even for a little while. “Need help to the couch Cas? Or your room?” Dean put a gentle hand on Cas' arm.

“No. I think I'll be ok getting to the couch.” Cas rolled his eyes, somehow with his whole body. “But first I have to urinate. _Again._ ” He practically stamped off to the washroom.

The brothers just grinned at each other. “All right, I'll clean up.” Sam started gathering dirty dishes while Dean found plastic wrap for the leftover sandwiches. “Maybe convince Cas to at least put his dirty dishes in the sink.” Sam offered.

“Yeah, no shit.” Dean bungled the first strip of plastic, creating a tangled ball out of it. “Why does this stuff always do that? Like, really.” He managed to get the next strip actually covering the platter. “Sandwiches for supper, too.”

“Awesome,” Sam grinned.

They went about cleaning easily enough. Living together for so long they rarely got in each other's way. Before long the food was in the fridge, dishes washed and set out to dry, table wiped, Cas' crusts discarded. Dean waited until they were almost done before opening his mouth. “Sam.”

Sam looked up but Dean was busily wiping the counter. “What?” Concern rising in his belly.

“So. It doesn't bother you. Me and Cas I mean.” Dean's blush was back with full force. Sam was pretty sure he was going to wipe the finish right off the counter soon.

“No.”

Dean stopped and finally turned around. “No. Just no. That's it?”

“That's it.”

“But.....he's a _guy,_ ” he fretted.

Sam weighed his options before replying. “Why does that matter?” Sam insisted. “Really, why?” Dean was at a loss for words so Sam jumped in again. “Dean, I've seen the way you look at guys, I'm assuming you've never....” The question hung between them. Dean simply lowered his head and shook it. Sam nodded. “All right. Do you know I've been with guys?”

Dean's head snapped back up. “What? Really?”

“Yeah. Experimented a bit in college but didn't really go for it until after Jess died. There's only one that was...special...the rest were just one nighters.” This time Sam waited until Dean spoke.

“The rest? How many...” Dean didn't finish. He wasn't completely sure he wanted the answer.

“Only about six. So no, it doesn't bother me at all about you and Cas. You care about each other, that's been obvious for a long time. You're good for each other. Between the two of you you'll figure out the, uh, well the sex.” Sam did not think it was possible for Dean's blush to deepen, but it did.

Dean was speechless. Still trying to wrap his head around the idea that his brother actually had sex with guys. More than once. Willingly. How could he have missed this? “How come I didn't know?” he said out loud.

Sam considered. “I didn't bring any of them home, ever. Or to the motels. And I never specified gender when I said I got laid. You just assumed.”

Dean turned that over in his mind. “Huh. Yeah. Ok. Yeah.” He blew out a gust of air. “What, um, what did, uh, what-, uhhh, s-se-, how d-, fuck.” He shoved his hands into his pockets as he curled his shoulders inward and stared at the floor.

“Google.”

Dean sort of looked up, got to about Sam's chest. “What?”

Sam kept his voice even and free of judgement. “Google it. Tons of information, all online. And buy some lube if you don't have any already.”

Lube. Oh god. That would mean going somewhere and actually picking it up off the shelf and paying for it. With other people around. Where they could see him. Holding lube. Dean stared at the floor like a hole was going to open up any second and rescue him from the single most uncomfortable conversation with his brother in the history of ever.

Sam watched his brother squirm for a few minutes. For all Dean's bravado he really seemed repressed about sex. “You know what? I'm going out later. I'll buy a bunch of different kinds and you can try them. I need some anyway. Once you know which one you like, you can always order it online and have it delivered. Would that be easier?”

What would be easier is if this conversation never happened. If he could roll back time and not have started any of this. If he was the one telling his little brother what to do. If the floor would just agree already and swallow him up, please and thank you. That would be easier. But...at least it meant he wouldn't have to go to the store. For lube, his mind whispered. “Uh, yeah that would be easier, thanks,” he mumbled. “I should check on Cas,” Dean said a little louder, searching for a reason to end this conversation. Forever.

“Yeah, haven't heard him for a bit.” Both brothers left the kitchen to wander over to the common area. There was Cas, sprawled out on his stomach on a pile of pillows. It looked like he pretty much fell forward, snuggled into the pillows, and fell asleep. Dean stood and stared for a moment, enraptured by how peaceful he looked while sleeping. He felt Sam's hand on his shoulder. Beside him his brother was grinning away. “You make him happy.”

That simple statement resonated inside Dean. He realized it was true, Cas was usually perked up when he was around. It took a long time for him to see it, but once he did it was all he saw. He loved the way Cas looked at him as if he was the angel, or the way he would lean into him when he clasped Cas' shoulder. It was like having his own personal ball of sunshine. He stored that thought deep inside, where nobody else could get it, resolving to look at it the next time he felt his world was all dark. Something else drew his attention though. On the coffee table was a pile of three or four crusts. “What the fuck?” Dean left his brother's sort-of embrace to investigate.

“What?” Sam tensed.

Dean picked up a crust and showed it to Sam. “Seriously? When did he take these?” Cas began to stir in slow, languid movements. “Cas, what the hell man?” Before Cas could answer, Dean saw the bulge in Cas' robe pocket. “You have got to be kidding me.” He reached down and pulled out another sandwich triangle. “Really Cas? Really?” Dean could not keep the amusement out of his voice. Sam was losing a fight to keep his laughter to himself.

“I was hungry. I only took a few extras at lunch. They are delicious.” Cas reached for, and took, the sandwich in Dean's hand. Cas' bit into it with a soft moan. “You make very good sandwiches Dean,” he said around the mouthful. Cas continued to chew contentedly, listening to his two favourite people laugh.

Dean gave up. If Cas said he was hungry, then he was hungry. It didn't look like there was going to be a repeat performance of breakfast, and he was there to help if there was. Cas would learn the capacity of his stomach on his own. Once Dean got a bit more control over his laughing he went to the kitchen. Sam's giggles trailed after him as he retrieved the sandwich platter, several water bottles, and some beer. “Hey Sammy, grab a garbage can,” he ordered from the kitchen.

Dean brought all the stuff back to the couch in time to see Sam holding the garbage with a questioning look on his face. Rather than answer it, he turned to Cas. “Dude, put your crusts in the garbage.” Sam clued in an placed it within reach of Cas' lazy arm. Cas dropped the one he was holding into the can, but left the rest where they were. Sighing like he was the most put-upon man in existence, Dean cleaned up the rest of Cas' mess. _Goddamn crumbs everywhere_ , he thought, only sort of grumpily.

Cas had perked up when he saw the tray, sitting himself up for easier access to it. He gratefully accepted a water bottle while Dean and Sam each had a beer. Halfway done the water and he was reaching for another sandwich. “Haven't eaten in a while,” was his only comment before biting down. Dean watched in awe at how marvelous Cas looked in the nest of pillows he managed to create. Cas' hair was mussed from sleep, his pyjamas slightly wrinkly under his open robe...and he was wearing another pair of Dean's socks. Dean wanted to gather him up in his arms and hold him forever. Instead he sat next to Cas and put an arm around him.

The three spent the remainder of the afternoon in a cocoon of their own making. Sam and Dean let Cas choose whatever he wanted on Netflix. Dean allowed Cas to lean on him, even almost cuddle. Dean was nervous at first but after a while it felt natural. Nobody got off the couch except for a new drink or to recycle what they had already had to drink. Conversation was minimal and frivilous. With every passing hour Cas got better. His body digested the food, his colour and energy came back. Dean found that for a brief moment he'd forgotten about the upcoming hunt – or retrieval really, as it was Cas' grace they were after – and felt a pang of sadness for having to leave Cas to do it. 

Dean hadn't been aware that he'd dozed off until Sam gave him a little shake. “I'm going out now but I guarantee I won't be back before midnight, 'k?” He said quietly.

“Guarantee?” Dean rubbed his face. He looked Sam over and saw a new shirt and freshly done hair. 'Out', yeah he knew what Sam meant.

Sam flicked a glance at Cas, who was engrossed in his show, and back at Dean with a raised eyebrow. Dean blushed and nodded. “Thanks Sammy.”

“We should leave tomorrow if Cas is feeling well enough to be left on his own.” Worry furrowed Sam's brow.

“You ok with that Cas?” Dean nudged the warm, cozy, adorable man nestled in the crook of his arm.

“I will be fine, other than missing you.” Cas pressed into Dean slightly.

“Cool, hey uh, Sammy, are you...um...still going to the store?” Hope and fear were an odd combination in his mouth as he spoke.

Sam smiled broadly. “Yeah, it's my first stop. See you after midnight.” With that, Sam left for his evening's adventures.

Dean waited a few minutes in case Sam forgot something. Pulling out his phone he checked the time. He considered setting an alarm. Maybe. Don't want Sam getting an eyeful. Trying not to get too hopeful, he set an alarm for 11:45 pm. Just in case.

“What time is it?” Cas asked casually as Dean dropped the phone on the table.

“Uh, eight.” Dean shifted restlessly. _Calm down,_ he thought. _Cas might still feel pretty awful, don't go getting your hopes up. Or anything else up._

“So, we have four hours?” Cas shifted against Dean so he could see him better. Not losing eye contact, Cas lowered his head so he could kiss Dean's chest through his shirt. “Alone?” His lips brushed the fabric of the shirt sending shivers down Dean's lower belly and into his groin.

Not trusting himself to talk, he only nodded. 

“Well, we should make good use of the time,” Cas's voice was husky with desire. Then he rolled his eyes. “But first I have to urinate _yet again!_ ” With a huff he was off the couch and mumbling his way to the bathroom while Dean collapsed into a fit of laughter.


	9. Cas is Feeling Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is feeling better and wants to try something new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah...smut.

Dean watched Cas disappear down the hall to the bathroom. His joy was tainted slightly by how empty the bunker felt with Sam not around. _It shouldn't bother me,_ he thought. _Sam knows about us now, why am I nervous? What the hell?_ In order to distract himself he started cleaning up around the couch. He turned the TV off, draped the blanket over the back of the couch, put all the bottles on the now empty serving tray, cancelled the alarm on his phone. Without another thought he went to go meet up with Cas before he made it back to the common area.

Luckily, they managed to meet in the middle. _God I love the way he wears his robe like his overcoat,_ Dean thought. Dean's breath hitched in his throat as he got closer to Cas. When they were close enough Dean reached out for his hand. Cas slipped his in Dean's, interlacing their fingers. Dean gave Cas a half nod towards the bedrooms while tugging on his hand. “My room,” Dean stated with a slight question.

Cas shrugged lightly.

Neither said anything else as they arrived at Dean's door. He guided Cas into the room shutting the door behind him. That's when he breathed a sigh of relief. Now the world felt better; safe, secure, and private.

“You sure you're feeling better?” Dean's voice was tentative.

Cas nodded. “I want you to kiss me. And do some other things.” Cas was sporting a lascivious smile. Dean's lower belly twisted pleasantly in anticipation. 

Cas drew him into a light kiss while enfolding him in his arms. Dean returned the embrace instantly. He matched Cas' deepening kiss. He felt Cas' hand move up into his hair, scraping his fingernails against his scalp. A shiver ran down Dean's spine with every brush of Cas' nails. Each shiver creating a throb in his groin. Dean had to break away to catch his breath, burying his nose in Cas' neck to inhale his scent before licking lightly at the stubble. He heard a small moan and felt Cas clutch him a little tighter, now gripping his short hair. Dean moved his hands so they were under Cas' robe and before long, under his shirt. There he ran his hands up and down Cas' muscular back, pausing to squeeze and caress his warm skin. His lips had a mind of their own as he sucked gently on Cas' neck, moving up to his ear. When he slid his lips around Cas' earlobe he felt Cas buckle slightly. “Move to the bed?” Dean murmured in Cas' ear.

“Yes,” Cas gasped. His hands found their way to the button on Dean's jeans. “More comfortable without these.”

Dean broke away to shimmy out of them, his arousal now obvious. Cas made a strangled noise while staring at the massive tent in Dean's underwear. Instead of talking he closed the distance, getting a hold of Dean's shirt in the process. He bent down and lifted the shirt slightly to gain access to Dean's soft belly. Dean groaned when he felt Cas' hot, wet mouth kissing and sucking his way up his torso, lifting the shirt as he went. Cas' mouth on his sternum made Dean's nipples tighten, causing Dean to whimper as he clutched at Cas' shoulders. Cas hesitated for a beat, then drew a thumb across each little nub simultaneously.

Now it was Dean's turn to have his knees buckle. Cas played a little more, his mouth moving up to the hollow in Dean's throat. His fingers pinched and twirled at Dean's nipples, moving deftly under the shirt that dropped back down. Dean became aware that he was the one making the keening noises that filled the room. He tried to push his arousal against Cas but found he was clumsy with desire, clawing at Cas' robe, bucking his hips. With one final squeeze Cas took his hands away to tug off Dean's shirt. Reluctantly he let go of Cas' robe long enough for Cas to complete his task.

“You too,” Dean croaked. In his mind he wanted to take his time, slide the robe off and admire Cas' frame. Or kiss the skin as it was exposed like some slow motion sexy time gif. In reality he jerked it down roughly in his eagerness to see as much skin as possible. Trying to calm himself down he was gentler with the shirt but not by much. The second Cas' shirt was off he clutched Cas close to him. In his wildest imagination he never conjured anything as wonderful as being in Cas' embrace or being drunk from his scent. For a beat he found could only stand there holding Cas close, feeling his rapid heartbeat matching his own. Cas' lips trailing kisses along his jaw prompted him to finally move again. Cas' erection throbbed against Dean's eliciting another groan of pleasure from Dean's lips. On impulse he brought both hands down and cupped Cas' beautifully shaped behind. He squeezed gently, pressing Cas closer.

Cas let out a cry into Dean's neck. Immediately he began to rut against Dean, gripping his back almost hard enough to bruise. For a moment Dean was lost in the incredible sensation of Cas' cock pressing on his in rhythm with his butt moving beneath Dean's hands. “Bed, oh please, Cas, I n-need to l-lie down, please,” Dean begged as he grabbed fistfuls of Cas' pants.

“Take my pants off first,” Cas ordered.

Dean was shocked at how the authoritative tone in Cas' voice wrapped itself around his cock. The realization slammed into him that he would do anything Cas asked him to do right then. Literally _anything._ “Yes, Cas.” He knelt down quickly, pulling Cas' pants down with him. When he got them to Cas' ankles he gently tugged on one foot at a time to pull the pants off completely. “Do you want me to do anything else?” Dean quavered. When he didn't get a response he hesitantly looked up at Cas.

Cas was looking down at him as if he was trying to sort out this new turn. Dean watched as an eyebrow raised just as a glint of understanding flashed in his eyes. “Socks,” Cas demanded quietly.

Dean's hands instantly went to Cas' right ankle. He lowered the sock as far as he could before carefully lifting Cas' leg so he could pull it off. After setting his foot back down, he did the same with the left and set the socks aside. Then he looked up again intending to ask for more instructions. Cas' stunning cock distracted him instead. He found he was staring at the vein on one side, imagining tracing it with his tongue before sliding his whole mouth over Cas. His hand moved to his lap as his mouth opened, tongue loose, lips wet, ready to taste the precome that had oozed out of Cas.

“Stop.” Cas' voice was somehow firm and soft at the same time.

Dean whimpered but pulled his hand away from himself. Panting hard he placed his palms on his thighs. 

“I want you on your feet, completely naked.” With that he took one step away from Dean.

From his kneeling position he got both socks off at once. He then hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his underwear so he could pull them down as he stood up. Stepping out of them he waited for Cas.

Cas watched Dean for a beat. “Thank you for doing what I ask,” Cas soothed.

Dean felt a pleasurable wave of something he couldn't identify cascade through him. Cas reached out, taking both of Dean's hands in his own. Dean felt a small tug, a silent order to come closer. He obeyed allowing himself to be drawn close. Cas' pliant lips on his was his instant reward. Cas directed their hands so they created a small barrier between them. Dean tried valiantly to keep his breathing under control. Cas' lips and tongue caressed Dean's with increasing vigour. Dean tried to press all of himself against Cas but Cas was only allowing minimal contact. The anticipation of more pressure was driving Dean wild. 

Cas gently broke off the kiss. “Do you remember the pizza man?” Dean nodded. “Tell me what you remember.” Cas' lips brushed the stubble on Dean's jaw. He kept gently sucking and licking while Dean spoke.

“You were watching porn,” he said breathlessly. “Sam and I were doing research and couldn't see the TV screen. You made a c-comment about what you saw and looked down. Oh god you had a _boner_.” Dean squirmed against Cas until Cas moved away slightly. “I wanted t-to...touch y-you right then. _Ohhhhhh_ I wanted t-to put my hand d-d-down your p-pants.” Dean felt like he was going to explode.” C-Cas? Cas I'm getting c-close.... _really_ close...”

“Lie down on your back. Do whatever you have to, but don't come.” Cas released his hands. Dean carried out Cas' orders as quickly as he could. In no time his breathing was more even. Only then did Cas walk over to the bed. Dean tried to roll over but Cas pushed him back down. “Not yet.” Cas knelt on the bed, placing one hand on either side of Dean's torso. He bent his head down over Dean's chest, hovering over Dean's hardened little peak. Dean lifted his head to watch Cas as he licked his lips before plunging himself down to suck on his nipple. 

Dean cried out, jamming his hips against the bed so he could arch up to Cas' mouth. He tried to reach for Cas' erection but Cas blocked him. With a whimper he settled one hand on Cas' shoulder blade, threading the other hand through Cas' hair. There he hung on for dear life as Cas did things he didn't know could ever feel so good. Things with his lips, his tongue, his teeth. Things Dean never thought to do with anyone else, much less ask to have it done to him. Right when Dean thought he couldn't stand it any more, Cas lifted himself off...and went to the other side.

Dean started writhing on the bed. Bucking and thrusting and twisting beneath Cas. He knew that if he could get a hand on himself, or really any kind of anything touching him, he would come immediately. Instead he ground his hips down into the bed as he gasped Cas' name. Just when Dean thought he could actually finish without a single touch to his cock Cas lifted himself off again. This time he lowered his mouth to Dean's. He set the pace at slow gentle kissing to calm Dean down. It worked. Dean started to feel less frantic and more centered with each swipe of Cas' tongue against his. 

_I will find it. I will find the spot on you that unravels you. I will search every bit of you, try anything, do anything, to see you come apart, to make you feel as good as you make me feel,_ Dean vowed when his neurons reconnected themselves.

“There is something I saw the pizza man do. It's something I want to try. I think it can be done with two males,” Cas murmured, giving Dean little kisses in between words.

“Anything,” Dean confessed.

“If you don't like it, we can stop,” Cas pulled away from Dean, eyes searching for consent.

Dean reluctantly let go of his hold on Cas. “Ok, same for you.” Dean stroked Cas' upper arms. “Do you want to tell me what it is, or show me?” Dean felt butterflies at the sight of Cas' face breaking into a huge smile. 

“Show you,” Cas mumbled, turning slightly pink. With that he gently pulled on Dean, a silent command for him to roll over. When he was on his side Cas pressed his hand against Dean's arm to stop him. He leaned in for one more kiss before slithering himself down and turning around so his mouth was at Dean's pelvis and Dean was staring at Cas' leaking cock.

“Oh... _oh!”_ Dean understood. 

“Dean. You can come. But only after me,” Cas instructed.

Dean shuddered at the order. He leaned forward a tiny bit to lick at Cas' slit before twirling his tongue along the head. At the same time he felt the blissful sensation of Cas' hot wet mouth surround him. It was exhilarating having Cas suck on him while he had Cas in his mouth. After a moment he tried to emulate Cas' motions. 

Cas pulled off and pulled out of Dean. “Don't try to copy,” he advised kindly.

“Ok,” Dean gushed. He was rewarded with Cas' hot mouth circling him again. The feeling of Cas alternately sucking and licking was amazing. Letting out a cry he plunged his mouth back on Cas. Cas lifted his top leg up so his foot was flush with the bed. Dean took advantage by breaking his mouth away from Cas to apply a generous amount of saliva to one finger. Returning to suck at Cas he wrapped his hand around Cas' hip so he could tease at his tight entrance.

Cas gripped Dean's hip in response, his moans vibrating against Dean. Suddenly it was too much. Dean felt his orgasm gathering too fast to stop. A tiny part of his brain reminded him that Cas had to be first. There was a split second where he just didn't care what would happen. Before he could finish the thought he felt Cas thicken in his mouth. Dean pushed his feet into the bed to stave off his finish, knowing it was only seconds away. He felt Cas pulse and fill his mouth while crying out around Dean's cock. Dean discovered there was nothing more sexy than having Cas come in his mouth at the same time as Cas sucking him off. The way Cas' mouth was almost slack on him, the noises he was making, the care he was taking to not force himself too deep in Dean's mouth, the pulsing Dean felt in his mouth as he tried to catch every drop. Without further warning Dean's orgasm crashed through him. He shot hard into Cas' waiting mouth. Cas immediately returned to licking and sucking Dean while still moaning around Dean's cock. 

As the aftershocks subsided, so did their play. Dean let go of Cas as Cas started to sit up. Dean watched in awe as Cas dragged the back of his hand against his swollen lower lip. Time slowed down for Dean as he drank in Cas' flushed face, intense shining eyes, mussed hair, wet lips, and oh god that hand moving across his lip and chin. Dean seared the image into his brain. He desperately wanted to take a picture but he couldn't remember where he put his phone. Even if he had it, he wasn't sure he could open the app fast enough to capture Cas anyway. 

“You're beautiful,” Cas crooned, lowering himself to be beside Dean. “Thank you for letting me try that.” Dean drew Cas into a loose hug. 

“Anything, Cas. Anything.” Dean whispered. Cas leaned over to kiss him but Dean turned his head away. Cas looked down at him with a raised eyebrow. “Almost anything?” Dean gulped. 

Cas burrowed into Dean's neck instead, placing chaste kisses in the stubble. “I might like to taste myself in your mouth one day. But I can see you don't want to taste yourself.” Cas' voice was understanding.

Dean felt a rush of remorse followed by panic. _I fucked up already. I need to fix this._ Steeling himself, he moved to kiss Cas but Cas avoided him.

“No, Dean. Don't do something that you don't like.” Cas had adjusted himself so that he was the only thing in Dean's field of vision. He waited until Dean was looking him in the eye before continuing. “There will be other opportunities that I can kiss you and taste myself.” Dean watched a slow smile spread across Cas' face. “I will make sure of it,” Cas stated before leaning in to nip at Dean's neck some more. “Besides, I've asked enough of you today. I'm very happy with what you gave. Very, _very_ happy.” 

Dean felt himself relax a bit. _Ok, Cas is happy, this is good,_ he thought. Dean tugged gently on Cas, wordlessly pleading to be held. Cas figured out what Dean was asking for very quickly. Without a word he gathered Dean up in a comfortable cuddle. He made sure the maximum amount of skin was in contact with Dean before closing his arms around Dean. Once positioned he stroked lightly where his hands could reach without releasing the embrace. Dean slowly felt his tension seep out. 

Dean let himself just exist for a while. No decisions, no worries, no responsibilities. Just breathing in Cas' scent for as long as he needed. When he felt like the emptiness inside him was fuller than he remembered it ever being, he pulled slightly away from Cas. “I really wanna go brush my teeth,” Dean admitted with a smile.

Cas laughed a little. “Probably a good idea.” They took their time finding their comfy clothes for bed before making their way to the bathroom. Teeth brushed, bladders emptied, hands washed, lights off, and they were back in Dean's bed. “Wait,” Cas was off the bed so fast Dean didn't have time to react. In a flash he was back with his pillow from his room. “I like pillows,” he said sheepishly.

Dean just smiled. He leaned back a bit to give him room to fluff the pillow to his liking. When it appeared that Cas was done he scooped him back into him as his little spoon. Cas let out a contented sigh that melted Dean's heart. Before long they were both sleeping soundly.


	10. Dean Sorts Things Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean needs to figure out what's bothering him and how to deal with it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a quickie in here :)

Dean drifted awake steadily, immediately comforted by the heavy weight curled up against him. They had moved around during the night, creating a tangle of limbs. Dean normally only tolerated cuddling from the women he'd been with. It was never bad but also never really his thing. Somehow it was different with Cas. All Dean wanted to do was cuddle, touch, and stroke him all the time. 

Stress and reality seeped into Dean slowly, cutting away at the comfortable embrace, making him restless. He tried to adjust against Cas hoping he could fall back asleep. No such luck. Instead he found he was getting agitated. Fearing he might wake Cas in his fussing, he gently extricated himself and eased off the bed. Cas' only acknowledgement was a sleepy grumble. Dean found his robe in the dark and put it on. He cast a final glance at Cas sleeping before turning the doorknob to leave.

Dean startled at the rustling sound on the door. There was a bag hanging off the outside doorknob. _Really?_ He thought. He peeked in the bag and saw several different brands of lube. _Oh yeah_ , he giggled softly. As soundlessly as he could he put the bag just inside the door. Then he left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

He figured since he was up he should probably empty his bladder, so he did. Not quite sure what to do with himself he wandered the bunker in the dark, relishing in the solitude for a while. _It must be really early,_ he thought. The bunker had that feel of a world asleep and unaware. There was barely any light so everything was soft and slightly out of focus. Shadowy corners made each room look different, like they were more private or full of secrets. Dean found this quietude exceptionally comforting. Muscles he hadn't been aware he'd tensed were slowly loosening up. He felt like he could finally just think. Empty his mind without distractions or expectations.

_Today we go find Cas' grace. It's not far, it should go fine, so what the fuck is bothering me?_ he thought as he meandered into the library. Not bothering with lights he found a leather wing chair and sank into it. _Cas wants his grace, we are capable hunters, Cas is staying home. Home._ That word hasn't felt that good on his lips in a long time. Cas feels like home. Dean closed his eyes to absorb the peace without disruption. One by one his worries bubbled to the surface of his mind. He tried to acknowledge each one without thinking too hard about it.

First there was the idea that they wouldn't come home. That's always a possibility. And it never mattered until right this very goddamn second.

Next there was the idea that they wouldn't find Cas' grace. Then they would have to continue the search and put themselves at risk some more. 

Dean brought his knees up under his chin. He curled into a ball against the back the chair as if to become one of the shadows in the room.

And the idea that he really had no clue what was involved in the hunt for grace. _I know Sam has explained it, more than once, but I was not listening at all. No, my mind was on how and when to kiss Cas._ For the first time ever he was going into a hunt blind, and that was unsettling. _Easy enough, just ask Sam in the car._ But still. 

That led to the next idea...did he even want to hunt any more? He used to like it, it gave him purpose. Now he wanted to just be with Cas. Doing...anything. Except the 'anythings' that put his life on the line. _Oh my god do I want to settle down like some suburban dude? What the fuck, brain? Isn't that Sammy's thing for fuck's sake?_

Then the biggest bubble rose to the surface of Dean's mind. He hadn't actually used any words to tell Cas how much he means to him. _What words could there be? Are there words big enough? Does he think I'm only interested in the mind-blowing orgasms he provides? Or that I only want him around with his grace so he can fix me up? How do I even ask him any of this? I told him he was important to me, is that enough? Does Cas understand how much I really care? Why is it even important that I say it out loud? What does it matter if he can read my mind? Cas seems to feel the same way....right?_

Dean rubbed his face with his hands. He was tired but not sleepy at all. In the past he would either grab a beer and listen to music or grab a girl and screw her until he was tired. Neither of those things appealed to him at all right now and that surprised him a little. He wasn't interested in having sex with any other person other than Cas for the rest of his days on Earth. And beer would just fog his thoughts, something he thought he liked but right now he wanted clarity. He threw his legs off the chair and sat with his elbows on his knees, head in hands. _Fuck!_ He scrubbed his scalp with his fingers. Everything was just too much. Too much change. Too many new feelings. Too hard. Too much to lose. He could feel his throat closing, trying to choke back the sob resting in his chest. _I'm not gonna cry like some little girl!_ He admonished. _Not gonna happen._ Even as he thought it he could feel the tear slip out and carve a path to the stubble on his chin. 

He jerked himself out of the chair as roughly as he could. _Fuck!_ Head down he took a deep breath to calm himself. Once he no longer felt like bursting into tears he shoved his hands in his robe pockets and left the library. The bunker's quiet air swirled around him as he wandered through the war room. Without thinking of anything at all, Dean meandered from room to room as if to check for safety. There were no windows to lock, but it didn't stop him from letting his eyes sweep around each room. He looked at nothing in particular at the same time as memorizing every detail he saw.

Eventually he found himself back at his bedroom door. He had no idea how long he'd been moping around. Dean opened the door as quietly as he could so he wouldn't disturb Cas' sleep. Not that it mattered, he was sitting up reading a book. 

“Hey,” Cas said quietly, letting the book rest on his thighs.

“Hey. I was...uh....” Dean had no idea what to say. _Wandering around doing nothing? Watching the shadows? Thinking? Checking if the doors were locked?_

“I know,” is all Cas said.

Dean slipped out of his robe, draped it over the foot of the bed, and got between the sheets. Cas put a bookmark in his book, put it on the end table, and turned off the light. Both settled in for more sleep. Dean on his back, Cas curling into Dean's side with his head on Dean's shoulder.

“What do you know?” Dean asked when they were done adjusting themselves.

“I know you wanted to be alone.” Cas stated simply.

Dean took that in. “I thought you didn't have any grace left, how could you know I wanted to be alone?” The words came out more irritably then he'd planned.

Cas thought about it for a moment. “I can still sense things with the residual grace. I went to look for you and caught the feeling like you wanted to be alone for a while.” 

Dean made a noncommittal noise. He wasn't sure how he felt about Cas just 'knowing' stuff. 

“It bothers you, doesn't it.” Cas observed. 

Dean found it a bit infuriating that Cas was correct. “Yes and no,” he hedged. “I guess I should be flattered that you figured it out and left me to it. I'm just used to more privacy is all. Not used to...any of this.” Dean shifted uncomfortably.

Cas took the opportunity to extricate himself from Dean's embrace. He sat up on the edge of the bed facing away from Dean. “I can go to my room if you want. If you think it will help you sleep better.” He made no move to get up or lie down.

Dean thought about that. He did want to be alone but he also wanted to stay within arm's reach of Cas. “I dunno. Maybe? No. Hey...can we talk?” Dean blurted. _Fuck. Now what am I supposed to say?_ He stretched his arm out to drag his fingers down Cas' back where he could reach.

Cas loosened up at Dean's touch. “Yes, we can talk,” Cas assured.

They both stayed where they were, Dean drawing circles on Cas' back, Cas sitting staring at the floor between his feet. Silence fell between them. Silence full of words with no order.

Cas eventually broke it. “One of us has to go first.” When Dean made no sound, Cas jumped in. “One of the things I don't like about being human is how lonely it is. I can only vaguely hear the Angel Radio, some longings, stuff like that. But I'm accustomed to always having other thoughts and prayers in my head like...” Cas gestured, unable to find the words.

“White noise?” Dean provided.

“Yes, exactly. White noise. Without it things are much too quiet for me. I don't like it.” The last sentence was so quiet Dean almost missed it. 

Dean considered that for a bit. “So, when you woke and I wasn't here, it bothered you?” He tried to keep the frustration out of his voice. There definitely were times he preferred being alone with his thoughts.

“No. Well, yes, but no. I mean,” Cas paused as if to gather his thoughts. “I can't hear your thoughts. I know, I shouldn't be listening but sometimes I can't help it. Except...except now I can't hear your thoughts _at all._ And I don't know...how you...feel about what we've been doing.” Cas hung his head and waited.

Dean's hand stilled on Cas' back. His mouth went dry with mild panic. Before he could think about it too much he sat up so he could see Cas better. “How do _you_ feel about what we've been doing?” _Does he want to stop? Is it not what he thought it would be?_

Cas tilted his head towards Dean. “You are the only one I ever wanted to do these things with. I tried being with a woman when I was human. More to see why you liked it than anything else. But...it's always been only you.” Cas admitted in a small voice. 

For a moment Dean couldn't breathe. His first attempt at talking failed, so did the second. Instead of trying again he reached out and put his hand on Cas' shoulder. “Cas,” he finally croaked. “Cas. I...the same way...I...same...” Dean realized he was making no sense. He squeezed Cas' shoulder hoping he would look up, he did. Dean tried again while staring at those beautiful, slightly frightened eyes. “I only want to be with you. Nobody else. I don't want to have any kind of sexual anything with anyone other than you.” Dean watched relief paint Cas' face adorably. Dean gathered his courage from somewhere deep inside. “But it's more than just physical for me. Not just sex. I really....care about you...a lot.” he blurted all at once then held his breath.

Cas moved in to take Dean in his arms. With his face buried in Dean's neck he declared, “I care about you too, Dean. I would like to be your boyfriend, if you'll have me that way.” Cas added shyly.

“Ok,” Dean breathed again, returning the hug. “Yes, I would like that, yeah. That's...yeah. So we're...uh...in a relationship then?” he asked nervously. 

“Yes, please.” Cas gushed. Dean squeezed him a little harder. For a while they simply held each other, breathing each other in. Dean eventually indicated for them to lie down again. The day was catching up with him and tomorrow was going to be difficult. Cas took the lead this time, rolling Dean onto his side, pressing himself up against Dean's back. From there he was able to wrap his arms around Dean to protect him from whatever demons were bothering him.

Dean sighed contentedly. Before giving in to sleep he heard Cas inhale as if he had something he wanted to say and then pause. “Cas, something on your mind?” he mumbled.

Cas nosed Dean's hair. “Why do you like being alone? I find it so empty,” he whispered to Dean's head.

“I dunno. I just...it's like sometimes I can't think. Being alone makes it so I can sort stuff out.” Dean rolled over to face Cas. “Is that a problem?” Dean asked worriedly, searching Cas' face.

Cas smiled a little. “No, I just didn't understand.” He leaned in to kiss Dean lightly. 

The remaining tension eased out of Dean. He drew Cas to him, his lips close to Cas' ear. “I love you,” he confided in a low voice.

“Oh Dean, I love you too,” Cas vowed. 

Dean held onto Cas as he rode the wave of euphoria to sleep.

~~~~~

Dean woke first, feeling extremely well rested. For the first time in a while he was completely relaxed and generally ok with the world. Cas moved in the night and was now Dean's little spoon. Cas was _here._ Cas said he loved him. He told Cas the same thing. Cas was his boyfriend. _Boyfriend._ The word alone made Dean feel like his belly was full of excited bees. He wanted to tell the world that Cas chose _him_ and _him only_...and at the same time wanted to keep that nugget to himself. That way he could relish in the feeling privately, hold it close before anyone could take it away.

He soon realized there was a part of him that was definitely not relaxed. A stiffening part of him that wanted to be stroked by his boyfriend. At first he pressed himself against Cas, hoping he'd wake up. Cas grumbled, burrowing his head into the pillow. Dean was having none of that. Nope. He started kissing Cas' shoulder while stroking his arm. That slowly brought Cas out of sleep.

“What'chu doin'?” came a muffled voice buried in a pillow.

“Waking you up.... _boyfriend._ ” Dean moved his kisses to Cas' neck. His hand found its way under Cas' shirt to explore the planes of his chest and abs. 

Cas moaned slightly as he pushed back into Dean. “Still sleepy... _boyfriend_ ,” Cas muttered.

“You want me to stop?” Dean teased. While waiting for an answer he took his hand from under Cas' shirt so he could cup Cas' lovely behind. “Boyfriend?” After a squeeze or two Dean slid his hand back up Cas' shirt, grazing the waistband of his pants along the way.

“...no...making it hard...” Cas squirmed against Dean.

“That's the idea.” Dean burrowed his head in Cas' neck again, adding gentle sucking to the kisses. Cas shifted to allow better access.

“...hard to sleep...” Cas clarified huskily. Cas reached behind him to move his hand over the hardness in Dean's pants.

It was Dean's turn to moan. He froze for a moment, panting hot breath on Cas' neck while Cas rubbed him through his pants. Dean was surprised at how close to the edge he was getting. “Cas, you better stop,” Dean gasped. Cas stopped and pulled his hand away. Dean's hips followed Cas' hand briefly. Cas re-positioned himself so that he was grinding his backside against Dean's pelvis. “You are not making it easy for me to last, Cas.”

Cas just hummed in response. Without warning he stopped and rolled over. “Naked, please?” Cas inquired in between small kisses on Dean's lips. He was already grabbing at Dean's shirt, trying to get it off. 

Dean separated himself to tear his clothes off. Once his pants were on the floor he noticed Cas had also made quick work of getting naked. “You are so beautiful,” Dean declared, staring at the long muscles in Cas' legs and torso. He ran his hand up Cas' leg, intending to go slow. Cas had a different plan. He pulled Dean on top of him, anchoring him there by gripping Dean around his waist. For just a moment they lay still, feeling the pressure of each other. Dean held himself up by resting on his forearms so he wouldn't crush Cas. 

Cas tipped his head back into the pillow as he slowly started to grind his hips against Dean's. “...love...this...feeling...” Cas admitted while rolling his hips.

“Hey...got an idea,” Dean forced his weight down on Cas so he would stop rutting. Cas whimpered and tried to keep going. “Hmmmm...wait,” Dean slid off Cas, kissing him on his way up. He zipped over to the bag on the floor by the door. Fumbling for a moment he grabbed the first bottle of lube he could find in the bag. On his way back to the bed he peeled off the cellophane wrapper and unscrewed the cap. He managed to get the bottle liner off in one go and put the cap back on. “Ok, you ready?” Dean looked up and lost his breath.

Cas looked magnificent. Tousled hair, pleading eyes, chest heaving, limbs splayed out, hips bucking gently, fingers lightly gripping the bottom sheet. “Dean,” he pleaded. “Come back.”

Dean's breath stuttered in his chest at the huskiness of Cas' words. Remembering what he was doing, he popped the cap and squirted some lube on his hand. He closed the lid, dropped the bottle to the floor, and rubbed his hands together briefly. “Ok, ready?” he asked breathlessly. Cas nodded, looking a bit confused.

Dean moved back onto the bed, straddling Cas. He lined up their erections as best he could, made a tunnel out of his hands, and then slowly pushed his lubed hands down the shafts, circling them both. Cas cried out immediately, thrusting hard into Dean's hands. “Wait... _wait_...” Dean begged. He separated himself from Cas slightly to get lube all around every inch of their hardness before making a tunnel with his hands again. 

“Do it again, please Dean, do it _again,_ now...do it _now_...Dean... _please_...” Cas babbled. Dean obliged. The slickness felt better than anything else he'd ever tried on himself. Cas' hard cock sliding around Dean's as he fisted them both drove Dean wild. He could feel himself thickening with his impending orgasm. _I should have bought lube long ago,_ he thought. 

“Cas, not gonna last...Cas.” He felt two hands join him for a moment and then disappear. Before he had time to wonder what was happening he felt Cas' slick fingers drag across his nipples. Now it was Dean crying out. Between Cas' slippery fingers teasing his nibs and Cas getting harder under his hands he lost it. He tried to keep the rhythm going for Cas as his orgasm ripped through him. Vaguely he heard Cas calling out something in Enochian as he pulsed in Dean's hand, spraying come everywhere.

Dean collapsed down onto Cas, grabbing him with sticky hands while he ground out the last of his aftershocks. Cas met his pace eagerly, seeking Dean's mouth with his own. They slowed down when the nerves became too sensitive for them to continue. “That went a lot faster than I thought,” Dean apologized.

“....felt...so...good...” was all Cas could utter. 

Dean rolled off him and onto his back. “I don't even know how to begin cleaning this up,” he laughed gently. He was sticky everywhere, so was Cas, so were the sheets. He looked over at Cas. “Shit I think I even got it in your hair.”

Cas giggled obscenely as he rubbed Dean's head. “You too, now.”

“All right. Yep. I'm done,” Dean stated with amusement. He used the sheet to get most of the mess off of him and Cas. “Hey Cas, do me a favour today?” Cas hummed a questioning noise as he let Dean clean him up. “You wanna put a load of laundry in so the sheets are clean for when we get back?” Cas hummed his assent. “Thanks, really. Boyfriend.” Dean smiled down at Cas.

Cas smiled back at Dean. “No problem. Boyfriend. Now shower?”

“Yeah, absolutely. Shower and breakfast.” Dean fished for his robe that had fallen on the floor. He shrugged into it and helped Cas into his. One final, long, deep kiss and they were off to get clean.


	11. Grace Retrieval

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam go on a hunt to retrieve Cas' grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam knows who to call for help this time

Once they were both clean and dressed they made their way to the kitchen. “Pancakes?” Dean asked the man holding his hand.

“Yes, pancakes,” Cas answered with a smile. “And coffee. Definitely coffee.” 

“Well, one of us is going to have to let go so that pancakes and coffee can be made.” Dean made no move to take his hand back. Neither did Cas. “Or we could wait for Sam and he can make us cereal and coffee.” Dean reached out and took Cas' other hand.

“You are making this more difficult,” Cas warned with a smile.

Dean made a noise of indifference while he pushed Cas up against the fridge to kiss him. Dean was getting used to small public displays of affection with Cas. Nothing that would scar Sam for life or anything. Just gradually getting more and more comfortable with the idea that it was ok to actually touch Cas in public to show he cared. And now Cas was his boyfriend. Not just screwing around, and not just friend... _boyfriend_. Dean had no idea how much he wanted that until Cas asked. Now his world felt right, correct, and proper. Like everything else that came before was merely preparation to having Cas as his significant other.

“Hey guys, at least move so I can get the milk,” came Sam's voice out of nowhere.

“Yeah, yeah, start the coffee Sammy,” Dean mumbled, breaking away from kissing Cas. “I'm making pancakes if you want any.”

“You are making out, not making pancakes. Do I need to separate you two? Jeez.” Sam grabbed the carafe to fill it up. “And yes, I would like pancakes if you can manage to make them,” Sam laughed.

Dean grinned at Sam over his shoulder. “All right.” He planted one final kiss on Cas' lips before releasing him. Cas moved over to the table while Dean assembled all the ingredients he was going to need. 

“Dean agreed to be my boyfriend,” Cas stated proudly while he waited rather impatiently for the coffee to brew.

“Oh yeah? Not just fooling around?” Sam could not keep the smile off his face.

Dean felt the heat rush up into his cheeks. “Nope. We're an actual couple.” He busied himself with mixing the batter and testing the heat of the pan so Sam wouldn't see the blush.

“I'm happy for you guys, really. It's been a long time in the making.” 

There was a mountain of pancakes by the time Dean was done. “So Cas could warm some up while we are gone,” Dean declared. It was a good call as the three of them tucked away a large number while they were hot.

As breakfast drew to a close Dean felt more and more tension. The closer they were to being done meant the closer they were to leaving. He considered taking Cas with them but he knew that would just distract him and potentially kill him, Cas, or Sam. That would simply not do. So Cas had to stay behind. 

“You guys clean up while I pack a bag,” Dean ordered when he saw nobody had reached for another pancake for a bit. 

“You haven't done that yet?” Sam caught Dean's look. Dean had been busy. Busy with Cas. “All right. Get some clothes in a bag, Cas and I have got this.” Sam started piling dishes in the sink.

“Dean?” Cas asked softly. He reached and caught Dean's hand.

Dean kissed him lightly. “Just...give me a minute, ok? I'll be right back.” He didn't bother waiting for an answer. Instead he turned quickly to get to the bedrooms. Rustling through his clothes he picked out some he didn't care about, knowing they were just going to be wrecked anyway. He crammed his usual bathroom stuff in the bag as well. He was almost done when he realized he was trying not to panic. _It will be fine,_ he told himself. _We've gone on thousands of hunts, this one is no different. It's easy. In and out then back home to Cas_. He took a shaky breath to calm down. _Ok, ok, ok, it's all right. Everything's fine. It's gonna be fine. Ok._ Straightening his back, he grabbed his bag and went back to the kitchen.

Sam and Cas were just about done the dishes when Dean returned. “You ready?” Sam asked.

“Uh, yeah. Ready.”

“Ok, give me your bag, meet me at the car.” Sam reached out to take it from Dean. He handed it over without a fuss, realizing Sam was giving him some time alone with Cas before leaving. “Thanks man.”

Sam simply nodded and left.

Dean didn't know what to say to Cas. _Come with me? Forget it I'll stay home? Do you really want your grace?_ What came out was a small 'hey'. He watched Cas watch him.

Cas put the towel down from drying the dishes. “Hey.” He covered the distance between them and drew Dean into a kiss. Slow, deep, loving-without-sex kiss. “Be safe, ok?” he said when they broke apart for air. 

Dean nodded. “I'll do my best, always do. If Sam is right we will have your grace when we are done.” He watched Cas nod. “This isn't the first time we've left you alone. It will be ok.” Cas seemed to recognize Dean was talking more to himself than to Cas.

“I have my phone on and charged. Call me if you want. Or text.” Cas pulled him in close. 

Dean felt it immediately. He felt Cas doing that thing with the euphoria that helped with his pain. Dean didn't fight it. He let it wash over him and he had to admit, he did feel better. “Ok, I have to go.” Reluctantly, Dean pulled away. 

They walked to the garage together, turning to kiss each other again before Dean got in the car. Dean made sure to look back as much as he could until the bunker was out of sight.

~~~~~

“Hey Sam,” Dean ventured when they were well on their way. “Remember when you talked about stopping. Like settling down?” Dean was grateful to be driving for the distraction.

“Yeah, I remember,” Sam said carefully. “Have you thought more about that?”

“Yeah. Yeah I have. Now that Cas and I are...well, I've been thinking about it more,” Dean admitted.

“Me too,” Sam agreed. “There are plenty of new hunters around to take our place.” Sam tried to catch Dean's eye but it was hard with him driving. 

“Yeah, I thought about that too. Hey Sammy? I admit I wasn't paying attention before. Tell me how this is gonna go down,” Dean finally conceded. At least he remembered the name of the town they had to get to, that was something.

Sam rolled his eyes dramatically. “Yeah, I know. You've been busy. It really shouldn't be too bad. Metatron put it in a private library. From what I can tell it's not well guarded, so it'll go pretty easy.” 

~~~~~

He was so very wrong. It was heavily guarded. At one point Dean lost consciousness. He came around to Sam shaking him hard. “Get up, _now, GET UP!”_ Sam was shouting.

Dean didn't waste any time. He looked in his fist – the grace was still there in its little vial – and got up. A wave of nausea accompanied his vertical attempt. He paused long enough to vomit then followed Sam to the car. 

~~~~~

“I can't drive,” Dean snapped. “Ribs.” Broken? Maybe. Cracked? Definitely. Pain? Intense. The pain was the only thing keeping him from acknowledging that he was unable to keep the world from lurching.

Sam grabbed the keys without a word. He shoved himself in the driver's seat, barely waiting for Dean to get comfortable before slamming on the gas. Dean blacked out again.

~~~~~

Dean woke to Sam pushing on his side. “What the _FUCK?!”_ he screamed at his brother who was crouching next to him and the open passenger door.

“Checking to make sure you didn't break anything you'll need,” Sam snapped. A cursory check revealed nothing fatal. “Lucky, you can do without stitches. Cas'll fix us up. Worried about your head though.” Sam fretted, trying to examine Dean's head.

Dean attempted to yank himself away from his brother only to be greeted with blinding pain. “The hell you mean about my head?” Dean reached up into his hair. His hand came away bloody. “Oh.” He checked his other hand, grace was still there. “How about you? You all right?” Dean wiped his hand on his pants. 

“I'll live.” Sam replied grimly.

Dean really looked at Sam. He had blood everywhere, his clothes were a mess, he had a black eye. “Your perfect hair is messy,” he smirked then sobered up. “Cas. I haven't called Cas yet.” In a panic he jolted hard, twisting to get his phone. His world went dark before he could find it.

~~~~~

Cas stared at the text. **Got your grace. On our way home. Couple hours.** What bothered him was that the text was from Sam and not Dean. He tried to text Dean but he wasn't answering. So he sent off a text to Sam instead. **Are you two ok? How is Dean?** It took a while for Sam to respond. **Hurt. Will need your help.** Ok, that meant they were both alive but how badly was Dean hurt if he wasn't responding to texts. When Cas couldn't stand it any more he went to the garage to wait for their return.

~~~~~

The next time Dean woke it was night. Confused, he looked around. He was in his car but not driving. _Who was driving?_ He couldn't turn his head. “Cas?” he cried.

“No, it's me. I texted Cas for you.” Sam sounded tired beyond all measure.

Dean tried to care about Sam's exhaustion, he really did, but it was too much effort. “You bleeding on Baby?” he joked weakly instead. _Where was Cas?_ he thought groggily. _Oh right, home. He stayed home._

“Not as much as you.” Sam waited for a retort. None came. “Seriously, you ok?” Sam glanced at Dean huddled against the door.

“No. I hurt everywhere. I hurt in places I didn't know I had,” Dean complained. He looked in his fist, grace was still there. “Just get us home, ok?” he rasped.

“Yeah, working on it. Quit passing out,” Sam growled.

Blackness engulfed Dean again.

~~~~~

Cas could feel his grace getting closer. They weren't far now. He willed himself to remain calm while he waited for Dean.

~~~~~

Dean's world swam back into focus. Sort of. Everything was doubled. He reached up to rub his eyes and bumped himself with something hard. Focusing intently he saw it was Cas' grace in the little vial, still in his fist. From far away he could hear his brother.

“Dean? _Dean!_ Stay awake this time. We are almost home. Dean! _Stay awake,”_ Sam begged.

When he looked through the windshield he could see the bunker's garage entrance. “Ok Sammy ok I'm good all good I'm awake ok home soon home home,” Dean babbled in an attempt to stay awake. It worked. He kept babbling until he saw Cas standing near the parking spot. Then he used every drop of energy he had to try to straighten up while staring at Cas.

The car was barely parked before Cas was opening Dean's door. 

“Cas, he's got a head injury. I don't want to be rude, but heal him. Now. Please.” Sam demanded.

“Of course. Dean? Can you look at me?” Cas pleaded.

Dean thought he was looking at Cas. Maybe the other Cas? The blurry one? All these Cas' were dancing around. It was too much. He wanted to close his eyes and sleep for a year. “Grace,” he said. Or thought he said. He wasn't sure any more. Dean felt a searing sensation somewhere inside his skull making his stomach roll unpleasantly. Trying to stop himself from blacking out he dipped his head down to stare at his bloody pants. He felt something trying to take the vial away from him so he clutched it tighter. _Have to get it to Cas,_ he thought.

“Dean, I'm here. May I have my grace please?” 

Cas' voice startled Dean. _Where are we? Did Cas meet up with us?_ Dean slowly lifted his head to meet the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen. _Cas!_ He worked his mouth but couldn't seem to make any sound, so he held up the vial for Cas. The eyes smiled at him. The eyes were attached to a face. Such pink lips. Eyes so kind. A smattering of stubble on a beautiful jawline. Bright light slithered out of the vial and into that perfect mouth. Dean blinked at the flurry of wind that seemed to come from the place where that nice face had just been. The whirlwind became a giant, bright, glow that filled Dean's entire world. It was too bright though, so he lowered his head again. The blackness was fighting for space against the bright light so Dean let it win. Fighting was just too much.

Dean heard an odd snick inside his head, with one blink he was fully aware of everything. He snapped his head up, eyes searching for Cas.

“Dean, it's ok, you are going to be all right,” Cas' voice felt silky smooth to Dean's ears. “Got the head injury, I'll get the rest now.”

“Cas,” was all he could get out. Gratitude overwhelmed him. “Thank you,” he added when he figured out how to talk. “Missed you.” Dean watched Cas' slow smile play out on his lips. The smile didn't get a chance to reach full maturity before confusion clouded Cas' eyes. Pain pulled the smile away, panic lighting up Cas' eyes. 

“Cas? Cas! What's going on? What's wrong?” Dean was practically shouting.

“Something's wrong,” Cas replied in a tight voice. He became rigid, kneeling in front of Dean, features twisting as his back started twitching. 

“Sam?” Dean called out in a panic.

“I don't know!” Sam yelled.

They watched as the twitching in Cas' back became outright spasms. Cas tried to reach behind him as if to scratch and tear at the skin. Finally he stood up and with one giant rolling of his shoulders he released the most beautiful wings Dean had ever seen.

They were huge, so large Dean had to turn his head to see the tips. The feathers almost matched the colour of Cas' eyes but darker, somehow with more depth. As the wings twitched Dean could see a sprinkling of white in them. _Like freckles,_ he thought.

Dean rose from the car seat slowly, mesmerized by how soft the wings looked. He walked towards Cas, wondering what it would be like to be enfolded in the downy softness. _Are they soft on the back side too,_ he wondered to himself. When he was close enough, he reached out to touch them.

“Dean, _NO!”_ Cas bellowed when he saw Dean's arm reaching out. 

Dean yanked his arm back, recoiling slightly. The sudden movement caused his ribs to very rudely remind him that they were cracked.

“Something is wrong with my wings. I don't know what to do. They hurt...Dean they hurt so much!” Cas bawled. Dean watched as his wings quivered, the tips flicking like they were trying to shake something off. Cas was wringing his hands frantically, as if he could squeeze the pain out that way.

Not sure what to do, Dean reached out to take Cas' hands. Cas immediately clutched at Dean, whimpering in pain. Dean almost buckled from the force of it, but caught himself in time. He tried to put aside his own agony in favour of Cas'.

Sam appeared at their side. “I think I know what's wrong. I know someone who can help, ok? We're going to get you help, just hang on.” Sam assured Cas.

“Who? What's wrong? Sammy, tell me!” Dean insisted. 

Sam waved at Dean dismissively before bowing his head and closing his eyes. 

The wave of anger Dean felt for his brother in that moment almost drowned out his physical pain. Almost. Dean heard a familiar fluffing sound. Turning his head he saw who Sam had called.

“Lucifer!?!?!? You brought _LUCIFER here?!?!”_ Dean's anger was rapidly escalating.


	12. Wing Repair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas' wings are broken, Lucifer is called in to help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, wings have light :)

“Why did you bring _LUCIFER_ here!?” Dean raged. He positioned himself so he was covering as much as Cas as he could without forcing Cas to let go of him.

“Dean, he can help,” Sam pleaded.

“Help with what?” Lucifer raised one eyebrow as he sidled over to Sam.

“Cas. His light is missing.” Sam rushed. 

Lucifer eyes didn't break contact with Sam. When he was close enough he put a possessive hand on Sam's hip, holding him in place. From there he pressed himself against Sam completely. Dean watched as Lucifer's other hand cupped Sam's jaw and dammit if Sam didn't lean into it. 

“So it would seem,” he rumbled seductively. “And you thought of me?” Sam just nodded.

“Wait. Light? Cas, do your wings light up?” Dean's anger drained away as he watched Cas struggle to speak.

“Not light up. Light inside. _Hurts._ Make it stop. _Please,”_ Cas sobbed. Dean's heart plummeted at Cas' pain. He did his best to embrace Cas without touching his wings. Cas leaned in, crying into Dean's neck, gripping the back of his shirt. Dean flinched at the pain from the hunt but didn't let go.

“First we have to discuss my terms,” oozed Lucifer. Dean turned his head slightly to see Sam nodding to whatever Lucifer was saying to him. It was when Sam tipped his head to kiss Lucifer, _willingly,_ that Dean turned away.

Dean felt a third hand on his back and a somewhat familiar jolting sensation. He looked around to see Lucifer had teleported them to the largest room in the bunker. All the furniture had been removed except for a simple looking massage chair. It was just a plain seat with a plank attached at a 45 degree angle, all on a metal frame. Dean could see grip handles on the back of the plank.

“Tiny brother, I will need you to remove yourself from your hunter and straddle the chair. Grip the handles. I need access to your back.” Lucifer sounded almost kind.

Dean helped him to walk the few steps to the chair. “You good?” Dean watched Cas barely nod as he settled down into the chair, back exposed, chest against the plank, wings vibrating in pain. Cas clutched the chair against his chest. “I'll stay right here, not going anywhere,” Dean promised. He turned to Lucifer. “Don't you hurt him,” he warned.

Lucifer faced Dean. With a twitch he released his wings. If Castiel's were huge, Lucifer's were _massive._ They seemed to take up all the available space in the room, easily engulfing Castiel and the brothers. Silky black feathers spread wide, lit by a deep red glow that appeared to originate in the hollow shafts of the feathers. While the feathers looked soft, they also had a razor sharp edge to them...which Lucifer demonstrated by dragging the tip of his wing from Dean's cheek down to his jaw. Dean froze in place.

“Beg pardon? What is it, _precisely,_ that you think you would do to me?” Lucifer admonished coldly, flicking his bloodied wingtip. “You are fortunate that my deal with Sam includes not permanently hurting you. Take a moment to re-adjust your attitude and remember, I am here _voluntarily._ There aren't many angels available that would come to Castiel's aid. Not after the things my smallest brother has done.” Rather than put his wings away Lucifer merely folded them loosely behind him. 

Dean felt a coil of fear deep in his belly. Ok, so maybe threatening Lucifer was a bad idea. He returned his attention to Cas. “We're going to get you through this,” he whispered and crouched in front of Cas, kissing him lightly on his forehead.

Cas lifted his eyes filled with unshed tears, but said nothing.

“I may require some assistance from you brothers. You need to be at full strength. May I heal you?” Lucifer purred. Dean and Sam both agreed without hesitation.

Dean refused to look at how Lucifer was healing Sam. He could hear his brother's moan of pleasure and that was quite enough, thank you very much. He felt a hand rest on his shoulder and felt instantly better. Dean closed his eyes in thanks at not having to endure anything with Lucifer that would make him moan like Sam did. 

Lucifer appeared directly behind Cas. “Baby brother, we will need your shirt off.” Dean watched Lucifer flick his hand as Cas' shirt disappeared. “This is why we don't allow our grace to be removed.” Lucifer gently berated Cas.

Dean stood up to see Cas' back. The wings looked like they were infected where they had erupted from Cas' back. Twisting, angry, red welts rose from the back muscles and into the base of each wing.

“Is it bad?” Cas whispered.

Dean considered lying but saw no point. “Uh, yeah. It looks really bad,” he answered apologetically.

Lucifer traced a finger along one welt, eliciting a painful keening noise from Cas. “The light is blocked. It's there, I can feel it, but it is blocked. We will sort it out. Sam, I need you here.” 

Sam immediately went to Lucifer's side, eyes widening as he assessed Cas' back.

Lucifer returned his attention to Cas. “I cannot give you anesthesia as it will interfere with the process, do you understand?” he explained. It looked as if Lucifer was trying to soothe Cas by gently combing his fingers through Cas' hair.

“Yes,” Cas wept. “I will bear it.” 

Dean saw Lucifer's features soften with pity. “No little one,” he said, voice barely audible. “You won't.” Lucifer took his hand back. He put his hands together in prayer position, making the palms glow red. Dean watched Lucifer place his hands on either side of Cas' spine and press down, hard.

Cas let out an otherworldly shriek that tore through Dean. He immediately dropped to his knees and tried to hold Cas, whispering nonsense into his ear. It appeared to calm him slightly, enough that he was no longer screaming anyway.

“Hmmm,” came a questioning sound from above. “Dean, step away for a moment.” Lucifer commanded. Dean looked at Cas' pleading eyes. “I am not asking.” Lucifer stated darkly. Dean did as he was told until Lucifer pressed down again. Cas' eyes went blank with pain a split second before his screams erupted from his throat. Dean dove back to Cas, letting Cas claw at his shoulders. The screaming was reduced to whimpering.

“Fascinating. Sam, these two are intimate, aren't they?” Lucifer actually sounded amused. “They have a bond. Interesting.” He seemed to turn over the possibilities in his mind. “Castiel cannot be anesthetized but he can be soothed,” he muttered to himself. “Castiel. Stand up,” Lucifer ordered.

It took a moment for Cas to find strength in his legs, but he stood. He tried to flex his wings in an effort to balance himself but ended up collapsing in pain instead. Dean caught Cas, allowing Cas to lean on him for support. “It's ok, I've got you,” Dean soothed, trying to calm Cas' trembling.

“Dean. Sit in the chair facing me,” Lucifer put a hand on Cas' shoulder to keep him steady while Dean reluctantly let go of Cas and sat down, his back where Cas' chest had been. For a second he was confused, there wasn't a headrest before. But then, the chair wasn't here before five minutes ago either. “Castiel, straddle Dean like you did the chair.” Lucifer kept a steady hand on Cas until he was mostly in place on Dean.

Cas settled on top of Dean, who quickly ran his hands to the back and top of Cas' shoulders and held on, avoiding contact with his wings. “Ok? You ok? This good?” Dean murmured in Cas' ear.

“This feels...” Cas appeared to search for the right words. He settled for angling his hips down onto Dean a little. “If I didn't hurt, I mean, it's...good,” Cas blushed. He wrapped his arms around Dean as much as he could.

“I know, right?” Dean smiled against Cas' neck. Before Dean could get carried away he saw the look on Sam's face. That _'seriously, now, really?' _look. He cleared his throat and moved his gaze to Lucifer who was waiting as if he had all the time in the world.__

__“Shall we begin again?” Lucifer put his hands together again creating more red light between them._ _

__This time when he pressed down on Cas' back there was no screaming. Just moaning, squirming, and keening. Dean did his best to keep Cas calm by stroking his upper arms and sides gently. He watched as Lucifer massaged the welts firmly, squeezing and pushing at the skin. Dean started to anticipate when Lucifer was about to get rougher. For those moments he trailed kisses along Cas' neck in addition to continuing to run his hands over Cas' skin. Dean watched as Lucifer directed Sam to lift a wing and hold it out of the way. The motion made Cas call out sharply and grip Dean hard. Dean looked at Sam who mouthed _'I'm sorry'._ Dean nodded to his brother in understanding while murmuring comforting words to Cas. Lucifer massaged the seam of Cas' wing/back closest to Cas' side with equal fervor as the seam closest to the spine. When needed, Lucifer would pause with his hands in prayer position to replenish the light before continuing._ _

__It seemed to take a small eternity, but the more Lucifer massaged, the smaller the welts became. Lucifer worked one wing then the other with Sam's help. Dean's neck was soaked with Cas' tears, his ears rang with Cas' cries, his heart crushed at Cas' pain, but he kept mumbling words of encouragement and comfort, kept running his hands wherever he could reach, kept kissing away the pain._ _

__“All right. We are almost done,” Lucifer declared. Sam carefully put the wing down that he was holding up. The welts were gone. The wings no longer shook with pain. Instead they draped limply where Sam had set them down. Dean examined the back side of Cas' wings as best he could from his vantage point. They were the same stunning blue with white flecks as the inside, but somehow with more of a silky texture. _Someday I want to run my hands through the feathers,_ he thought absently. _They look so soft._ Dean picked up Cas' head off his shoulder so he could kiss Cas' lips. “You did so well, so good, almost done,” he soothed in between kisses. Cas sighed lightly, wrung out from the pain. _ _

__Lucifer waited until Dean appeared to be done kissing Cas. “Castiel, hold on to your hunter,” he advised sternly. Cas did as he was told, fear leaking from his pores. Dean felt Cas press as much of himself as he could against him, burying his head in Dean's neck._ _

__Dean watched Lucifer straighten his back, unfurling his wings completely. The light that emanated from the feathers grew so bright it began pulsing through Lucifer's vessel and into his hands. Somewhere in Dean's mind he registered Sam backing up slightly. Lucifer looked positively terrifying in that moment. His black feathers looked like they were bleeding with red light, his eyes were on fire, hands together with brilliant red light between them. Lucifer separated his hands and placed them on Cas' back once again. With one grunt Lucifer pressed down as he became an entity of red light against black feathers._ _

__Dean felt a colossal shockwave barrel through Cas' back. Castiel arched up so his chest was no longer pressed against Dean. A mighty cry roared from Cas as he whipped his wings out to their full width, spreading them far and wide, every feather tensed. Pale blue light burst from Cas' back, pouring through his shuddering wings, blinding Dean._ _

__When Dean felt Cas relax slightly he slowly opened his eyes and was awestruck. Cas was sitting fully upright on Dean with his wings extended. The light in Cas' wings was a shimmering pale blue, accentuating the depth of the blue feathers. As Cas flexed his wings slightly the light reflected in the freckles making them twinkle. “Cas,” Dean barely croaked in astonishment. “Your wings...they're...”_ _

__Cas bent his head down. “Small, yes, I know.” He shifted uncomfortably on Dean's lap._ _

__“... _beautiful._ Cas it's like looking at the night sky without city lights in the way. Are all angel's wings as beautiful as yours?” Dean gaped openly as Cas fluttered the feathers with care._ _

__“I, um, I don't know. Every angel has different wings. Archangels can change them. You...really think mine are nice?” he asked shyly, wings dipping slightly._ _

__“Nice is not the right word, Cas. I don't even know...there can't be any that are better than yours.” Dean thought he saw Lucifer fluff his own wings out of the corner of his eye. _Wait...did Lucifer just fling his feathers back like a pissed off high school girl would fling her hair??_ he thought. “What do you mean that archangels can change them?” Dean asked._ _

__Cas stood up carefully, helping Dean up as well. He then turned to Lucifer. “Thank you for helping, I feel much better,” Cas said humbly._ _

__“You're welcome. Shirt?” With a small gesture Cas was once again wearing his shirt. “And yes, Dean, archangels can change their colours.” As a demonstration Lucifer released his wings again. The three of them watched as the black faded to grey, then white. The light was still blazing red, which made it look like the white feathers were bleeding. From there Lucifer altered the light colour to pink with matching pink feathers._ _

__“Can you make the light a different colour?” Sam wondered aloud as he stroked the feathers lightly._ _

__Lucifer's eyes fluttered at the touch. “No, any spectrum of red, that is all. The feathers can change colour but at rest they are black. Samuel,” Lucifer's voice was becoming dangerous. “A little higher.”_ _

__Sam raised his hand to the upper ridge of the wing. Cupping it firmly he ran his hand as far as he could reach. A groan fell out of Lucifer's mouth as Sam used both hands, one on each wing._ _

__“Stop.” Lucifer ordered. Sam immediately took his hands back. Lucifer brought his wings closer to his body, wrapping one loosely around Sam. “Castiel. Your grace is missing something,” Lucifer declared after a beat. “I don't know specifically what is missing, but it is not complete.”_ _

__Cas sagged slightly against Dean. “Metatron took some for the spell to close Heaven's door,” he confessed._ _

__“Well, it can't be helped now. Show your hunter how to groom your wings. It will help with the healing. Leave them out for the rest of the day and night. We begin rehab tomorrow. In the meantime, I would like my first installment of payment.” Lucifer pulled Sam in close. Dean and Cas watched Lucifer kiss Sam deeply before fully engulfing him in his wings. With a fluff, they vanished._ _

__Dean stood staring at the empty space for a moment. “I am not sure I want to know what's going on between those two,” he commented._ _

__Cas chuckled a little. Dean turned to him with surprise. “You feeling better now?”_ _

__“Much,” Cas grinned. “I am sore and tired, but much better, thank you.” Cas rolled his shoulders and back. His wings rose and fell in cadence with the rolling._ _

__“Hey Cas...how do you make your wings appear while wearing a shirt?” Dean asked._ _

__“Well, it's just molecules. I sort of...move them over so the wings can come out. I don't really know how it works, I can just do it.” Cas stretched his wings high up, testing for pain._ _

__Dean ogled openly. “Wow,” he breathed. “They are so wonderful. I could stare at them all day.” He moved his attention to Cas' face, which was pink._ _

__“Thank you Dean. I'm pleased you like them.” Cas moved them again, somehow rustling the feathers to create a rippling effect._ _

__“Um. Lucifer seemed to like it when Sam touched them...” Dean trailed off, unsure of what he was asking._ _

__Cas brought his wings in close to his back where they folded up tightly. “Yes. They are...very sensitive...sometimes. I've never allowed anyone to touch them like that.” Cas answered, staring at the floor._ _

__“Then how do you know they are sensitive...like that?” Dean asked hesitantly._ _

__Cas was silent long enough that Dean started to wonder if he'd asked the question out loud. “I've...touched them....like that....myself. And it's very...pleasurable,” he finally uttered._ _

__It was Dean's turn to feel the blush creep into his face. “Sorry, I didn't mean to pry.” He watched Cas shrug dismissively. Dean shifted the conversation away from Cas' discomfort. “So, what did Lucifer mean about grooming? Will it help you heal?”_ _

__“Yes,” Cas said gratefully, looking at Dean through his eyelashes. “There are loose feathers, I can feel them. They need to come out so the light can be distributed properly. I can get most of them myself but it would be a lot easier if you would help.” Cas moved his wings away from his back slightly._ _

__“Ok, how do you want to do this? I've never groomed wings before,” Dean mused._ _

__Cas considered. “I can sit in front of you and show you what to do. But maybe in the bedroom?” Cas' wings twitched uncertainly._ _

__“Anything. Cas, anything.” Dean took Cas' hand and they were suddenly in his bedroom. “We could have walked you know, it wasn't that far,” Dean laughed._ _

__“I need the practice?” Cas smiled._ _

__“Before we start I want to change, ok? Your brother healed me but didn't clean me up.” Dean's clothes were bloody and torn. He made quick work of getting out of his clothes and into sleepwear while Cas appeared to test his wings slowly in the confines of the bedroom. Dean sat on the bed, noticing the sheets were clean. “Thanks,” he indicated the sheets. Cas nodded. “So, how do we do this?”_ _

__Cas sat so his back was to Dean and extended a wing. “Do you see the dead feather?” Cas sent a ripple to a small area._ _

__“Oh! Yeah, I do. So I just pluck it out?” Dean didn't move yet, the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt Cas._ _

__“Sort of. Try ruffling the area like this,” Cas folded the wing so he could reach around and demonstrate. He fluffed the area with his fingertips, dislodging the dead feather. “Do you see?”_ _

__“Yeah, ok. Let me try?” Dean waited while Cas extended the wing again, fluttering another small area. Dean raised his hand carefully to the clump of feathers. He gently scrubbed the little patch with his fingers. One lone feather slid out, floating to the bed. “Was that ok?”_ _

__Cas smiled broadly. “Yes, it was painless. Will you start near my back? Look for dead ones and get them out, working your way to the tip. I will do the inside. Is that all right?”_ _

__Dean nodded happily and began grooming, making slow progress. Both of them were too worn out for conversation. Instead they fell into a companionable silence, speaking only when necessary. Dean learned quickly not to stroke the feathers or the top ridge of the wing. While it appeared to bring Cas pleasure, he pulled away each time. When they finished with one wing, they began on the other. When both wings were done Dean noticed the mess of feathers around them. “Um, what do we do with these?” he asked without really expecting an answer._ _

__“I usually collect them so they cannot be used against me.” Cas began sweeping them into a pile. Dean tamped down his curiosity in favour of helping Cas. While Cas gathered them without really looking, Dean stopped to examine each one he touched. Not all of them had white speckles, and some had lots. Some were a paler blue but only noticeably so when held against a deep blue one. All of them were softer than anything Dean had ever touched. Once they were in a pile Cas waved his hands over them and they disappeared. Dean felt a pang of remorse, he would have liked to keep one._ _

__“Hey boyfriend,” Dean relished the way that word rolled out of his mouth. “You look exhausted. Do you want a nap? I could use one,” Dean admitted. He watched Cas nod his head enthusiastically. After a bit of fumbling they figured out how to lie down together with the wings out. Dean on his back, Cas fitted into Dean's side. One wing adjusted so it became a blanket, the other wing flopped onto the floor and curled up against the wall. Dean fell asleep almost instantly, cradled in Cas' warmth._ _


	13. Wing Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some rest, Castiel is feeling better...and horny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut smut everywhere. Plot continues with the next chapter.

A soft touch brought Dean to the border between asleep and awake. He waited quietly on his back to see if the touch would come again...and it did. He felt a caress the base of his neck, slowly working its way up to his ear. Dean opened his mouth to let the little huff of air out. Arousal began to gather, his nipples stiffened as blood began to pulse between his legs.

In an effort to delay reality for just a while longer, Dean refused to open his eyes. For now he wanted to float in a sleepy cocoon where his mind felt safe and loose. Everything was comfortable and easy that way, his whole world was the soft squeezing and stroking around his neck. Dean gasped lightly at the feeling of his earlobe being surrounded. He had no idea that it would feel so good to have his earlobe tugged or the shell of his ear traced without a tongue.

He became acutely aware of Cas' weight next to him. The idea that Cas would gently fondle Dean awake while still being half asleep himself created lascivious thoughts in Dean's active imagination. Suddenly all he could think about was how Cas was teasing him slowly. Knowingly bringing Dean out of sleep in the most delicious way, taking his time exploring his bare skin. Groaning slightly Dean let his imagination swirl around what he would like Cas to do next. As much as he wanted some kind of relief below his waist he also wanted this teasing to last as long as possible.

So he thought of how good it would feel to have his chest stroked, maybe even have his nipples rolled or pinched. The feeling of his shirt dragging across his sensitive peaks with every inhale was starting to drive him wild. _Maybe if I lift my shirt..._ he thought, unable to complete the sentence. Without opening his eyes he slid his hand to the hem of his shirt and lifted it ever so slowly, sending a silent prayer of _please._ Dean felt a flutter as the stroking on his neck ended and the petting of his abs began. His nerve endings created a comet tail, a ghosting of where the fondling had only just left. Every nerve near where he was being caressed sent starbursts of pleasure, electrifying his skin. His mind stopped trying to think, turning itself over to the sensation of being touched instead.

Another soft gasp escaped Dean as he felt Cas rut gently into his thigh...once...twice...and stilled. Dean's felt Cas' hardness outlined clearly on his thigh. Any softness that remained between his own legs vanished. He realized he was panting heavily and tried to calm down. 

Dean lifted the shirt a little higher, exposing one nipple in the process. The fantastic petting continued higher up on Dean's chest, skidding over his aching nub. Each nerve being activated sent a shiver to the hardness between his legs. He found his hips had a mind of their own as they rolled and bucked. It took him a minute to realize the little sounds in the room were coming from his mouth. He did everything he could to quiet down, he didn't want to completely wake Cas just yet.

 _What if....what if I lower my pants,_ Dean thought. Now he just had to figure out how to get his pants off with only one hand. His other arm was still wrapped around Cas (and pins and needly from being crooked oddly while sleeping). Also, he was pinned to the bed by Cas who was curled tight against Dean's side. _If I can get my pants off then maybe_...is all Dean dared think.

Risking showing Cas how awake he was becoming, he slithered his free hand down to his waistband. He was able to pull it down enough to expose his trimmed nest. His nipple was suddenly ignored as the caressing began gloriously slowly, pressing gently at the base of Dean's arousal. Dean couldn't stop the groan from escaping his throat. He tried so hard to keep still but found he was rapidly losing control over his body. Parts of him were starting to demand release, or a the very least, friction.

Cas pressed his pelvis into Dean's thigh again, rutting gently. Dean stilled as much as he could so Cas could take the lead. Cas moaned lightly as his fingers clutched Dean's shirt loosely.

Dean froze. _If Cas' hand is on my chest holding my shirt,_ he thought, _what-_ and he opened his eyes. There was Cas' wing, feathers stroking the base of his cock. _So soft, oh god it's so soft but firm._ He felt himself leak into his pants. _This is wrong, Cas is asleep, I should wake him._ But the wing moved over to Dean's hip on its way back up to his nipple. _Wrong, this is wro-_ his thought process was removed as the wing snaked over his chest. 

Moaning, he tried to use his other hand to wake Cas...sort of. Part of Dean wanted to see where this would go, part of him felt it was too wrong. He remembered that Cas kept pulling away when he stroked his wings, but that memory was very far away at the moment. In a compromise he threaded his numbish fingers through Cas' hair. When that didn't wake him immediately, Dean pulled his pants down a little farther, only enough for the wing to stroke the bottom of his shaft. The wing followed his lead and it was marvellous. The silky feathers built a rhythm of curling around Dean's base, squeezing gently, twisting away, then curling back around again. A long low moan slipped past Dean's parted lips. For a moment he was locked in position, afraid to move or the feathers would stop. Then his hips bucked involuntarily and all bets were off. Suddenly he found himself writhing against Cas. He moved his thigh to encourage his sleepy partner to grind on him. Cas followed his lead with a soft groan. His hand was still gripping the waistband of his pants, he knew that if he let go he would grab himself and be done in two strokes or less. 

Somewhere in the distance Dean was aware that he was pushing a boundary. A tiny part of Dean's mind sparked alive, sending a message to the rest of his neurons. Dean tried to extinguish the negative little thought. The wing felt so unbelievably good. It was when his mind started flinging the word 'consent' around that Dean called on superhuman strength and forced his waistband back up. The wing retreated quickly and resumed tracing Dean's ear. 

“Cas,” he choked. “Cas. _CAS._ Cas? Wake up Cas, _please,_ please _wake up,_ ” Dean babbled. He gripped Cas' hair harder, hips bucking, back arching, free hand grasping at the sheets. 

“Dean,” came a sleepy voice on his chest. 

“Cas, your wing. Your wing woke me up. Cas,” Dean stopped trying to make words. He carefully moved Cas' head enough so he could kiss him. Once Cas' head was tipped enough Dean smashed his mouth against Cas'. He frantically chased Cas' tongue with his own. It took a few seconds for Cas to wake enough to respond and when he did he matched Dean's urgency. The wing abandoned Dean completely, raising itself up, hovering slightly above Cas. The light within the wing brightened and began to pulse.

“Dean,” Cas panted, pulling away slightly. “Dean I had a dream. You were in my dream.” Cas put talking on hold long enough to kiss Dean as though he would die without physical contact. Stopping to breathe he flipped on top of Dean, pressing his pelvis hard against Dean, gripping Dean's shoulders. Dean immediately moved his hands to clutch at Cas' hips. Cas started grinding down with such force Dean didn't think he would last much longer.

“Cas your wing, you-”

“Yes, my dream. Dean you-”

“Real life your wing on me so good!” Dean gushed. The friction was amazing. He could clearly feel Cas' erection deliciously covered in thin, damp fabric. It felt slightly forbidden in that moment, like he wasn't quite allowed to have Cas' bare skin against him. Dean was hurtling towards the finish line before Cas woke up, now he was teetering on the edge waiting for Cas to catch up. Dean looked up at Cas and was met by a burning stare of animal lust that took Dean's breath away. Cas' lips were wet and parted, his hair a mess, his pupils huge with desire, his cheeks ruddy. Dean arched his hips up into Cas harder, he knew he should be doing something to please Cas. Maybe stroke him or kiss him. But all Dean could do was hold onto Cas' hips, grind with him, and stare at his beautiful boyfriend.

Cas' demanding voice broke through Dean's concentration. “Stroke them. _Now_ Dean. Put your hands on the ridge. _Please._ Dean. _PLEASE. NOW.”_ Cas ordered in the filthiest voice Dean had ever heard come from an Angel. Cas fluffed and extended his wings a bit like he was trying to make them easier to reach.

The command went directly to his cock, causing another surge of wetness to escape. Dean's breath stuttered as the damp fabric clung to his erection. Grateful for a distraction, he flailed for a beat, forgetting how arms work. He finally got his hands cupped around the top ridge of Cas' wings near his neck. Not knowing how much pressure or what speed or anything, really, he tried to grip with medium strength and drag his hands along the ridge at medium speed. 

Dean could not pry his eyes away from Cas' face if there was a gun to his head. He watched as Cas fluttered his eyes closed, dropped his jaw, let the rest of his facial muscles go slack....and then let out a guttural scream. Dean felt Cas splash through his pyjamas, creating a huge sticky mess between them. As Cas emptied himself, his wings flung out to their maximum span, almost blinding Dean with the light pushing through them. It was too much. Dean grabbed Cas' hips again and forced them down hard. The warm wetness of Cas' explosion, the pressure of his hips, the wings pulsing, and the look on Cas' face as he finished, all combined to create the most powerful eruption Dean had ever had. He rode the tidal wave of his orgasm as long as possible, crying out until his throat was raw, shamelessly grinding up against Cas to milk out every last drop inside him.

Whimpering because he was quickly becoming over sensitive, he kept rutting on Cas, not wanting the sensations to end. Cas apparently was in the same situation, rolling his hips down onto Dean while he gripped Dean's shoulders. Cas collapsed down, unable to hold himself up. Still rutting his hips he tried to kiss Dean but his mouth was too slack, so he buried his face in Dean's neck and sucked where it landed. 

“Dean... _Dean_...there's more....oh... _more!”_ Cas sobbed into Dean's neck, his hips becoming more urgent, frantically trying to get to the second finish line.

Dean caught on quickly. “I got you, I got you,” he panted. He pushed Cas up slightly and plunged his hand into Cas' pants, gripping him hard through the slickness of his previous orgasm. Cas made a noise of appreciated shock and instantly began thrusting himself in Dean's curled hand, hard and fast. Deciding quickly, Dean reached up with his other hand and grabbed Cas' wing along the ridge. This time he was less gentle as he roughly massaged the top edge, trying to stroke and squeeze in rhythm with Cas' thrusts. It took surprisingly little time for Cas to thicken in Dean's hand, signalling his imminent release. “Come on, Cas, you feel amazing, so hard...”

Cas went rigid above Dean. One hand found Dean's hair, twisting it in his fingers. His hips stopped thrusting so Dean took over with his hand. Once again Cas' wings flung out forcing Dean to let go. Dean closed his eyes against the burst of light from the wings. Cas howled as he hit his peak, spasm after spasm bolting through him. Dean rode him out, draining every last throb he could, getting gentler as Cas came down.

Mewling weakly, Cas finally went limp on top of Dean. Dean felt Cas' fingers relax in his hair. He withdrew his hand, knowing Cas was way too sensitive now. Cas continued to whimper, weeping softly in Dean's neck. Dean calmed him in much the same way as several hours ago; gently stroking his upper arms, cooing kind words in his ear, kissing lightly where he could reach. After a while, Cas settled down. His breathing became less frantic as he returned Dean's kisses. 

“You ok?” Dean asked quietly in between kisses.

“Yeah, yeah I think so,” Cas answered shakily. His wings fluttered lightly as if they were oversensitive. Cas tried to get up but his arms weren't quite working yet.

“Take your time, it's ok. Everything is good,” Dean soothed.

Cas let his body settle back onto Dean's. “We made a mess,” he noted. 

“Yeah, well, I think most of it is you,” he laughed softly.

“Hmmm. Yes,” Cas murmured as he found Dean's mouth with his own. “It feels very nice. Very...wet and warm.” Cas began slowly pumping his hips down on Dean as if to coax another erection out of him.

“Um, Cas? I don't think...I mean....I'm not 15 anymore I can't...” Cas swallowed the rest of Dean's words by kissing him. Dean had to shift slightly so that Cas was pressing more on his thigh than on his tender cock.

Dean responded with as much enthusiasm as he could given that he was completely drained. He let out a surprised grunt when he felt Cas harden again. “Really?” he asked lightly when Cas broke off the kiss.

“Dean,” Cas panted, pressing and thrusting his pelvis. “Dean,” he pleaded. “Please Dean, _please,”_ he breathed just before dragging his now fully erect cock on Dean's thigh. “One more, _please,”_ Cas begged into Dean's neck. 

Surprised, Dean thought fast. “Ok, first can you clean us up?” Dean looked between them at their soaked shirts and pants. _We aren't even naked yet, what the hell,_ he thought. Cas touched his fingertips to Dean's shoulder and they were clean. “Thanks.” Dean tried to hold Cas' rocking hips away from his tender bits. “Cas, I'm too sore. Can you lie on your back with your wings?” Dean asked hopefully.

Cas gasped for breath, coming away from Dean's neck for air. “On my back?” He put his hands on Dean and suddenly their positions were reversed. Cas was on his back with his wings splayed out under him, Dean resting on top. 

Dean carefully sat up so he was straddling Cas, taking care not to kneel on a wing. “Arms up,” he commanded. “Grip the headboard behind you.” Cas did as he was told, eyes on Dean, hips thrusting up, arms straining with his grip. “Gotta get your pants off,” he muttered then noticed Cas was naked. “Sly little angel, aren't you,” Dean teased. He lifted up off of Cas slightly and leaned forward, locking eyes with Cas. Very deliberately, he placed his hands on Cas' chest...sliding them outwards to the wings, hovering just above them.

Cas' wings flapped shallowly at the prospect of what Dean was about to do. _**“DEAN.”**_ Cas commanded. His voice was deep and rough from crying out, making it huskier than Dean had ever heard. There was a thrillingly dangerous look in Cas' eye. Dean paused to wonder how far he could push Cas...and what his reward or punishment would be. He was surprised to feel his cock twitch at the idea.

Dean watched the anticipation build in Cas, revelling in his squirming. Without looking away from Cas' face, Dean put his hands on the inside of Cas' wings near the shoulders and dragged his hands down the vertical length of them, like he was petting a big cat. _So...unbelievably...soft..._ was all Dean could manage to think. He watched Cas come undone, rolling his eyes back, babbling something in Enochian while he writhed under Dean. So Dean kept at it, scraping his palms down Cas' wings, over and over. When the light started to pulse in the wings Dean positioned himself between Cas' legs. On the next down stroke he engulfed Cas' throbbing erection with his mouth. He tried to time petting the wings with sliding his mouth up and down Cas and was mostly successful. It didn't take long for Cas to become hard as cement with his orgasm. Dean hummed appreciatively while sucking, the vibration sent Cas careening over the edge with a scream. His wings went rigid again but this time Dean didn't stop what he was doing. He kept petting the wings and sucking on his cock until he got every drop out of Cas. Dean kept going with his mouth and hands until he felt Cas tremble at the line between 'this is the best feeling ever' and 'every nerve is screaming stop touching me'.

As carefully as he could, Dean moved up so he was face to face with Cas. He put his hands next to Cas' head to avoid any pressure on the wings. “Want to taste?” he asked while lowering himself down onto his forearms. Cas released the headboard to grab Dean's head. Holding it steady he kissed Dean deeply, tongue swiping all around Dean's mouth, moaning with each breath. Dean had to pull away after a minute, exhausted from all the play. He slowly lowered his weight on Cas in a kind of body hug, keeping away from the trembling wings.

They lay silently for a while. Dean rested against Cas while Cas ran his hands up and down Dean's back. “Three in a row. You are amazing,” Dean murmured into Cas' neck. “Don't know how I'm gonna keep up to you.” Dean meant it to sound lighthearted but it came out sounding worried to his ears.

“I don't think this libido level is permanent. I wasn't like this before when I had my grace, so it should calm down.” Cas kissed away the furrow that had developed on Dean's brow. 

Dean relaxed on top of Cas, resolving to do his best to help Cas out in that department as much as he could. After a while Dean's stomach reminded them, loudly and rudely, that it had been a very long time since he ate.

“I'm gonna need some food,” he murmured into Cas' ear.

“Hmmmm. M'ungry too.” 

“Yeah? How about a cheeseburger?” It was Cas' turn for his body to make demanding noises. “We should get clothes back on you,” he said. Cas was dressed before Dean was done talking. “Exercising your mojo?” Dean giggled.

Cas chortled in return. Dean placed a chaste kiss on Cas' cheek and got up slowly. Looking around the room he saw that every surface within wingspan was cleared. The floor was littered with everything that had once been on a surface. “I'm going to have to rethink where I put stuff if this is how it's going to be,” he mused aloud, fishing his robe out of the mess.

Cas sat up, blinking at the mess. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly. 

“Don't be, you are adorable and it was fantastic. Hey, why didn't you want me touching your wings like that earlier?” Dean wondered as he wrestled with the robe slightly.

“They were too sensitive after Lucifer released the light.” Cas answered with a shrug. He held the robe so Dean could find the armhole, smoothing the lapels down when he was done.

“Well that just makes sense now that I think about it.” Dean paused. He was starting to remember that he felt wrong for letting Cas' wing wake him the way it did. “Um. Your wing woke me up. You were...uh...caressing me with it.” Dean's cheeks pinked at the memory.

“Does that bother you,” Cas asked, tilting his head a little.

“No! No. I just...” Dean searched for the right words. “I should have woken you earlier. I kind of...let it happen. And encouraged it. I didn't want you to stop but I wasn't sure if you knew what you were doing.” Dean explained.

Cas considered what Dean meant. “I was dreaming about touching you. In my dream you were...actively enjoying it. I think my wing reacted like this,” he waved at his crotch, “does sometimes. I don't know if I can control it. Usually my wings are put away. Thank you for waking me, but it doesn't bother me that you enjoyed it for a while first.” Cas flexed his wings gently.

Dean felt his cock twitch. “So, if you do it again, do you mind if I just...let you without waking you?” He fidgeted with the robe tie, glancing at Cas through his eyelashes.

“Well, well, boyfriend. Have we found a kink you like?” Cas smiled while Dean blushed furiously. “Yes. Go ahead. Wake me or don't wake me, you choose.” He stepped in to hug the nervousness away. Dean hugged him back as Cas' wings encircled him. 

“I could stay like this forever,” he mumbled from the warmth of Cas' cocoon. “Gotta do some human things though,” he said regretfully as he pulled away.

“Human things?” Cas let him go, moving his wings back behind him.

“Yeah, my bladder's very full and my stomach is very empty.” Dean took Cas' hand to lead him out of the room. “So, bathroom first, then I'll make some cheeseburgers.” 

“With bacon,” Cas stated as they left the room.


	14. Castiel is on the Mend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's grace is back, the light in his wings returned, but some recovery is needed. Lucifer isn't completely helpful in this, there is always a price for his help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: there is some humiliation/shame in this chapter

After a nap and some playtime, Dean and Cas made their way to the kitchen for food. They were barely in the kitchen when they heard Lucifer calling from the common room. “Castiel, I know you are there. Come in here please,” Lucifer's voice crawled over to them, slow and lazy. 

Pulling on Dean's hand Cas turned to go to the common room. Dean resisted at first. “But....food...” being his only comment before allowing himself to be dragged out of the kitchen.

Sprawled on their couch was Lucifer, and in the crook of one wing was Sam. _I didn't think anyone could make Sam look small,_ Dean thought. His little brother looked almost tiny in comparison to the wing. Dean studiously ignored the look of bliss painted all over Sam's face. _Seriously, what the fuck._

“Castiel. Let me check your wings now that you've had a nap and some release.” Lucifer gave Sam a little pat to get him to move out of the enclosure of the wing. Sam huffed out a breath of dismay but did as Lucifer wished.

“...had some release?” Dean questioned to nobody in particular.

“Dude, your boyfriend is loud,” Sam teased. “How're you doing Cas?” He asked as he ambled over to them.

“Better, thank you. Dean? Um, loud?” Cas squinted at Dean. One of his wings sneaked around Cas' front like a shield. The other held close to Dean.

“In bed,” Dean blushed a bit. “You're kinda loud.” Dean caught Sam's look. “Ok, not 'kinda'. But I like it,” he said with a shrug.

“But-”

“Nope. No 'buts'. Don't censor yourself.” Before Cas could retort Dean leaned in and kissed him. A small moan slipped out when Cas' wings tightened around them a little. _Definitely have to see how much Cas wants to play with his wings while they are out,_ he thought. 

“Are you two done? Can we move on?” Lucifer complained from the couch. 

Dean broke off the kiss but didn't move away. “What do you need?” He asked Lucifer with as much patience as he could muster.

“You to step away.” Lucifer finally got up off the couch, stretching his wings up, then out, then folding them back behind him. 

Dean felt Cas' wing move away from him so he could step away. “I'll stay here, ok?” Cas nodded gratefully.

Lucifer came to stand in front of Cas. “Castiel extend your wings completely.” Lucifer unfurled his wings as a demonstration. Once again Dean was stuck by how massive Lucifer's wingspan was. Cas did as he was told, flinching a little in the process. His wingspan was not as impressively large, but Dean preferred literally everything about Cas' wings. Dean watched silently as Cas tried his best but was unable to fully extend them.

Dean made as if to go to Cas but Sam stopped him after one step. “He's fine,” Sam said kindly. “Let Cas show him what he can and can't do.” 

Dean growled slightly but stepped back. “So, what, exactly, is going on between you two?” Dean asked as a distraction. It hurt too much to see Cas in any kind of pain. And he could not believe his little brother would willingly be with Lucifer. There had to be brainwashing involved. There just had to be.

Sam thought about it while they watched Cas and Lucifer move their wings around. “When I was in the cage, he was...I don't know....mean? Yeah, mean at first. But after a while he let his guard down and I got to know him a bit.” Sam shifted his weight like he was getting ready for a fight.

Dean was dumbstruck. “Got to know him?” he asked incredulously.

“Yeah, like, he's not all bad. He never raped me. He has never lied to me. He...I dunno Dean. What can I say that you will accept?” Sam waited, hands curled into loose fists.

Dean struggled. He wanted Sam to be happy, that's all that mattered really. For years Sam put up with his pining and Cas' clinging. Dean could learn to be ok with this. He relented. “It might take me some time Sammy. I mean, it's Lucifer we're talking about here.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. I did not expect any of this. And just so you know, it's not serious like you and Cas. It's just...good sometimes. And it's part of the deal.” Sam relaxed his posture a tiny bit. “Later on I'll show you how to make a sigil for soundproofing your room.”

Dean whipped his head around to stare at Sam. “Deal?”

“Yeah Dean, deal. Lucifer is helping Cas with his wings. There is always a price to pay.” Sam sounded weary to Dean, like he was tired of explaining everything over and over again.

“I didn't think about that, but ok, yeah. I can see that. What...uh....what exactly is the deal?”

“Do you really want the details?”

Dean thought about that for a moment. “No. I really don't. Are you ok with what you agreed to do?”

“I wouldn't have agreed to it otherwise. But it may be a bit...crowded...here for a while.” Sam and Dean turned their attention back to the angels stretching their wings.

The rest of Sam's words sunk in. “Wait, why didn't you say something before? About Cas being loud, I mean,” Dean demanded, not looking away from Cas.

“Not just Cas being loud,” Sam laughed. Dean felt the heat creep back up into his face. “You guys are so new together. And it didn't really bother me, I bought noise cancelling headphones to drown you two out. It's just that Cas was extra loud today. What was that about anyway?” Sam watched his brother fidget.

“Castiel has an extra powerful drive for pleasures of the flesh,” Lucifer announced. “It will pass soon enough. Think of it as a side effect to the light being blocked and released. Castiel, separate your feathers.” Lucifer moved his feathers like thousands of fingers, spreading them wide, making the red light glow brighter.

Cas tried to imitate Lucifer but was having trouble. His wings quivered in pain from the stretching he'd been doing, the light appeared to be a bit dimmer, his eyes shone with unshed tears. Dean's heart squeezed at the sight of Cas trying his best to do as he was told but failing. _Enough,_ he thought as he strode over to Cas, ignoring Sam trying to pull him back. 

“You look like you need a hug,” Dean said quietly. He drew Cas into a light embrace which quickly evolved into a crushing hug by Cas. Dean felt his neck dampen from Cas finally letting his tears fall. Dean rocked him very slightly, trying to give him comfort. 

“One more.” Lucifer moved so he was standing behind Cas. “Castiel, flap your wings, hard.”

Dean felt Cas grab him a little tighter as he tried to follow his instructions. What he ended up doing was more of a pathetic flutter than a flap.

“Harder.”

Cas whimpered in Dean's arms. He tried again and got one stiff movement, like his wings were made of cardboard. 

“Castiel. Are you even trying?” Lucifer argued impatiently, stepping in closer. With a sigh he flicked his hand and suddenly Cas' shirt was gone. Dean watched as Lucifer bent down to examine the wings where they met Cas' back. “Move your wings up. Slowly.” Lucifer commanded. He stared at the base of the wings as Cas got his wings up high. “Bring them down. Slowly.” Cas did as he was told. Lucifer's face was unreadable from Dean's vantage point. 

“What's wrong,” Dean asked, priding himself on not sounding as panicked as he felt. 

“The welts are returning. Interesting. Castiel was there any pain during your playtime with your hunter?” Lucifer waved his hand slightly and Cas' shirt returned to his body. 

“No. None.” Cas' voice was slightly muffled by Dean's robe.

“Did you lie down on your back?” Lucifer probed, watching Cas' wings tremble.

“Um...yes...” Cas quavered. Dean tightened his hold on Cas. _How could I be so selfish? Of course Cas shouldn't have been on his back,_ Dean admonished himself. _Dammit, how am I gonna-_

“So it was you that forced him?” Lucifer flicked his eyes over to Dean.

“What!? No! I didn't – get out of my head!” Dean yelled.

“I'm not in your head. You are just very easy to read. Castiel, we will keep an eye on the welts. Your wings are well groomed so that will help.” Dean straightened with pride at having done a good job grooming them for Cas. “Have you figured out what is missing from your grace yet?” Lucifer asked with mild interest.

Cas hesitated. “I'm hungry, so I must need food. Is that permanent?” Dean could hear the way the words tasted bad in Cas' mouth, as if he was disgusted by the idea that he had to rely on Lucifer for any advice.

“Probably not. Time will tell. Listen to your vessel, whatever you feel you need, get it. Food, sleep, sex, whatever. If you need it then it will help you heal.” Lucifer moved back over to Sam in a way that Dean could only see as predatory. “Stay off your back,” he called behind him.

“I'm sorry, I didn't think-” Dean started, whispering to Cas.

“I didn't either. It will be ok Dean. It doesn't hurt as bad as before.” Cas raised his trembling wings and folded them neatly behind him, sighing slightly once they were at rest.

Dean held Cas for a moment. He wanted to apologize again for making Cas hurt. Actually, if he could figure out how to give one huge apology for every misstep from here on out, that'd be great. Instead he focused on what he could do, right now, to help. “Food now?” Dean asked Cas, who nodded in his arms, discreetly wiping his tears on Dean's robe.

“Yes!” Sam agreed eagerly. “I'm starving. Were you going to make something?” 

Dean risked a look at his brother. Sam was pressed up against a wall by Lucifer who was currently licking his brother's neck. Dean tamped down a wave of disgust that Lucifer would take advantage of his little brother in any way. “Cheeseburgers. If I can, you know, move.” Dean kissed the mop of brown hair attached to his favourite angel. Cas took the hint, releasing Dean from his hold. Dean kept him close for a beat, checking to see if he was really ok. Cas looked drained, but otherwise all right.

“To the kitchen, then.” Dean held Cas' hand in the short trip. “Hey, boyfriend,” he nudged Cas.

Cas looked over at Dean with the most trusting eyes he'd ever seen. Dean felt the familiar ballooning in his chest that appeared whenever Cas looked at him like that. As if Dean could do no wrong. It was incredibly flattering, even if Dean didn't believe it all the time.

“You'll tell me if you need something? Like, anything?” Dean watched Cas nod. “Ok. Good. Um, I need my hands.” Dean smiled as Cas pulled him in for a kiss before releasing him. Cas moved to sit down when Sam and Lucifer entered the kitchen. Cas stayed by Dean's side instead. “You don't want to sit?” he asked as he set the ingredients on the counter and the pan on the stove.

“No. Can I help?” Cas began unwrapping a package of hamburger.

“Sure, yeah,” Dean gave him instructions while he buttered some buns. He tried very hard not to hear the noises coming from behind him. It wasn't as difficult as he thought it would be, not with Cas practically glued to his side. Only once did he open his mouth to ask Cas if something was bothering him, the tiny shake of Cas' head shut Dean up. _Save it for later,_ he thought. Truthfully, he was very distracted at how Cas' slim fingers manipulated the burger mix. How his hands squeezed and squished the meat around the bowl, combining all the ingredients. Deep inside him he acknowledged that he could watch Cas for hours doing the most mundane tasks. Those hands...balling up socks, turning a page in a book, pressing a button on the remote, undoing a button, sliding a zipper down...

“Do I make this into patties now?” Cas asked innocently. Dean brought himself back to reality with a shake. His eyes landed on Cas' and he saw that while his tone of voice was innocent, his eyes were not. Not even a little bit. 

“Patties. Yeah. You have to roll a ball in your palm,” _did my voice just crack? Really?_ “and then press it down, try to keep the edges nice and smooth.” Somewhere in Dean's mind alarm bells were going off. _Why am I getting worked up over hamburger?_ “Just like that. Now try another one.” Dean swallowed. He could feel energy gathering in his lower belly, suddenly he was very aware of how much cling there was to his pants. He readjusted his robe and tightened the sash. Cas plopped another patty onto the plate. Dean watched Cas' fingers slide into the mixture again, curling slightly, coming up with a ball of hamburger. “Cas.” Dean could barely manage a whisper. Cas tipped his head towards him but otherwise didn't acknowledge him at all. Cas kept caressing the hamburger, shaping it slowly into a perfect thick circle.

Dean needed to distract himself. He suddenly realized he was panting through an open mouth. His cock, surprisingly, was fully at attention. He may not have noticed what was going on below his waist if he hadn't kept pushing his hips forward in hopes of friction. Somehow he managed to force his eyes closed – that was worse. Now he had nothing else to think about except how Cas' pink mouth would get swollen from sucking him off. How it would be wet and shining from effort. How Cas' eyes would darken when he would look up at Dean with his mouth working Dean's aching cock. Wrenching his eyes open he turned his head. Bigger mistake. At the kitchen table all he saw was the back of Lucifer's wings. They weren't fully extended...but they were pulsing similar to how Cas' pulse when he was getting close. Over the top of one wing was his brother's face lax with ecstasy. Dean could swear that Sam was almost glowing. He was definitely moaning in between making breathy indistinct noises. Sex noises. Right about then Dean noticed another sound...a familiar sound...the sound of a wet hand slipping and sliding all around a cock. And balls. And maybe even up into...

Dean turned back to face the counter as quickly as he could. The motion made his erection scrape against his underwear enticingly. There was a small moment of horror when Dean felt precome leak out. _Well great, now my underwear is sticky._ He tried to say his lover's name but managed to only mouth it when he saw what Cas was doing. In the bowl of remaining hamburger Cas had formed a cock...and he was stroking it. Swirling his hands around it. Cupping it. Fisting it. Trailing fingertips all around it. 

Movement caught the bottom corner of Dean's eye. Dragging his sight down he lost all his breath when he saw Cas was also sporting a rager. There was a wet spot in the front of his pants that he kept pushing into. Dean's mouth let out a desperate noise. There wasn't any more thinking to be done. Cas' wings extending brought Dean's attention away from Cas' pants. The wings were out only enough to create a shield between what was happening at the table and what was happening at the counter. Dean suddenly had an image of sucking Cas, lapping at him, gripping his hips while he slid as much of Cas into his mouth as he could. With a groan Dean fell to his knees and shifted so he was facing Cas. One last thread of decency made him look up at Cas for permission. As he did he heard a sound that he recognized from so many nights sharing a motel room...his brother was very, very close. When his face was turned up as much as he could he silently begged Cas to look down. What felt like an eternity later, Cas did just that. Slowly he lowered his face to look down at Dean kneeling. Cas' pupils were so huge there was almost no blue showing, his mouth was open and wet, he was panting heavily. Dean could see his arms working and he knew that Cas was still stroking his impromptu dildo. 

“Dean....” was all Cas had to breathe for Dean to yank his pants down far enough to release Cas' erection. With one swift movement he plunged his mouth on Cas. Oh how he wanted to be slow and kind and loving and gentle...but his mouth had other intentions. He licked and sucked and pulled and lapped like the desperate man he was. His fingers dug deep into one of Cas' hips while his other hand fumbled with his robe and pants. He cried out when he finally was able to get his hand around his shaft, curling in on himself slightly at the sheer joy of finally having contact with his throbbing erection. Cas' cock twitched in his mouth, reminding him of his task. He immediately sat up straighter so he could suck Cas while pumping himself. And there he knelt, one hand gripping his dripping cock, his mouth desperately working around Cas' cock while Cas played with a fake dick and his brother was brought to orgasm by the goddamn devil himself.

In the distance somewhere he heard Sam reach his peak. For some reason that did it for Dean too. With a cry he shot all over his hand in his pants like a horny teenager. Cas followed just as Dean was pulling the last drops out of himself. Dean greedily sucked and swallowed everything Cas had until Cas was reduced to whimpers.

Dean kissed Cas' hip when a sound filtered over to him. It was Sam. Sam was here. _We are in the kitchen. I just gave Cas a blow job while jerking myself in the fucking kitchen._ Shame burned through Dean. _What did I do? How could I have done that? What was I thinking?_ He felt hot tears drip from his eyes as he tried to get Cas' pants back up with one hand. _I'm a mess, I messed my pants like a stupid teenager, in front of my brother no less. What was I thinking?_ From above him he heard his name. No way he could look up. No way could he face Cas after what he did. When he heard his name again he simply shook his head and tried to disappear, burrowing his face in Cas' pant leg. He felt a hand on his head and suddenly he was in his bedroom with Cas.

“Dean. Dean look at me.” Cas coaxed. 

It took a while, but Dean finally raised his head most of the way. That's when he noticed his pants were clean. Cas had at least given him the dignity of not having stained pants in front of his brother and Lucifer.

Cas crouched down so he was eye level with Dean. “Dean. That was Lucifer. I couldn't stop him, I'm sorry.” Cas waited for Dean to meet his eyes. “You did very good. It's ok. I wanted you to do what you did, I liked it.” Cas gently embraced Dean. “There was nothing you could have done to stop it. Lucifer is too powerful.” Dean leaned into Cas, finally returning the hug. Cas moved his wings so they were surrounding the two of them. He waited Dean out, let him cry quietly until he was done. Cas murmured praise into Dean's ear while he stroked his hair and held him tight with his wings. Once Dean was calmed, Cas helped him to standing. They took a deep breath together. “Ready to face the world again?” Cas inquired gently. 

“Yeah,” Dean assured. “Still hungry.” He tried to smile. “Um, so you're ok with what just happened?” Dean tried not to fidget. He failed.

“Yes and no. I love touching you in any way. I don't like that Lucifer manipulated us. But I still love you.” Cas let his eyes wander all over Dean's face in admiration. “You are a good man. You _are,_ ” he insisted when Dean opened his mouth to refute the comment. “And I'm lucky that you want to be with me. And Dean? It's ok if you liked that too. It's ok to be aroused by what happened. However you feel, it's ok.” 

Dean struggled with all of that for a bit. “Y-yeah...it w-was kinda h-hot,” he stammered. “But it was weird too.” Dean's brow furrowed. It was just too confusing. “Let's get those burgers done,” he suggested firmly. No matter what, it was going to be uncomfortable looking at Sam for a while. 

Cas zipped them back into the kitchen where Sam was sitting alone at the table with his hands covering his face. “Dean, sit.” Cas commanded.

Sam startled, dropping his hands. “Uh....I'll give you some privacy,” he moved to get up.

“No. Sit.” Sam sat back down. “Dean.” Cas waited until both brothers were at the table. Neither one would look at the other. “Lucifer manipulated us. None of us had any consent to what happened. Do you both understand that?” Both brothers nodded, neither looked up from staring at the table. “Sam. I know you made some kind of deal with Lucifer to help me out, but I don't believe you intended for that to happen.”

“No. No I didn't. I'm so sorry. Cas I-” Sam rushed.

“Sam. I don't blame you. Everything is ok, none of it was your fault. I suspect this was just one way of Lucifer showing dominance over us. I would like to move past this.” Cas decided.

“Yes, yes I would like that, move past it, yes, definitely.” Dean babbled.

“Me too. Yeah. Put it behind us. Not talk about it. Ever.” Sam added.

“Ok. Then it's done. Now, I'm very hungry. Can we please eat?” Cas sounded like he was trying to keep the pleading out of his voice.

“Yes. Cas, you sit, I'll get this done.” Dean didn't think he could handle Cas touching the beef again. Not this soon. While Cas and Sam studiously ignored each other, Dean set about cooking the meat. He took his time even though he really wanted to rush through the whole process. Under cooked meat would be disastrous to Cas' healing. To keep his companions busy he plopped tomatoes and lettuce in front of them, ordering them to prepare them for the burgers. They did as they were told. Hesitant conversation started after that. Dean vaguely heard Cas telling Sam similar things he'd told Dean in the bedroom. When Dean looked over at them he noticed Sam looking less tense. Dean felt the knot in his neck slowly loosen up. _We will be ok. We will,_ he thought briefly.

When the burgers were done they ate quietly. Sam raised his eyebrows at how good they were, Dean puffed his chest with pride, Cas moaned slightly at the first few bites. 

Dean noticed that the more Cas ate the better his wings looked. The pale blue light was returning to its former brightness making the dots sparkle again and the colour was coming back in his skin. “Food did you some good?” Dean chuckled.

“Hmmm. So good.” Cas reached for another when Sam stopped him. 

“Hey Cas, remember what happens when you eat too much.” Sam reminded him. The brothers watched the struggle play out on Cas' face.

“No. I want another. I'm still hungry.” Cas took one, bit into it, and moaned some more.

Sam and Dean smiled a little at each other. Dean wrapped up the rest amid protests from Cas. “If you still want one in an hour or so, then we can warm one up. But I'm not overloading you again.” Dean was firm. “Too much fat in the burgers, let your stomach adjust.” Cas let out a grunt but didn't argue.

“It's still pretty early. You guys feel like a movie night?” Sam asked, his voice trembling a little. 

Dean considered for a moment. It would be good to get used to each other again and not let what happened fester into something irreparable. “You up for a movie Cas?” Cas nodded as his mouth was too full to talk. “All right, finish up and we'll find something. Sam? Where did Lucifer go...and when is he coming back?” Dean almost demanded before remembering he was supposed to be supportive.

Sam shrugged. “He didn't tell me. He will be back to check on Cas but I don't know when, sorry. Probably in the morning, I'd guess.”

Dean's features clouded over. He didn't like that Lucifer was coming and going as he pleased, but he wanted Cas to be better so he'd figure out how to adjust. When Cas swallowed the last of his burger the two of them made their way to the couch. Dean loaded up Netflix on Sam's profile, deciding that Sam should choose this time. Cas was shifting around, trying to get comfortable with his wings out. Dean thought about laying Cas down on top of him but that seemed a bit too intimate after the kitchen incident.

“Pillows on the floor, maybe?” Dean suggested after a bit. Cas brightened at the idea. Dean moved the coffee table out of the way as Cas gathered all the pillows he could find. Once he had a massive pile in front of the couch he rested on them on his belly, wings extended out and relaxed. 

_He looks adorable,_ Dean thought. “Comfy?” he said out loud. Dean settled himself on the floor, back against the couch, legs under one wing.

“Yes,” Cas turned to look at him. With a little flutter of his wings he made the light shimmer in the feathers, causing the spots to sparkle. 

“They are so beautiful Cas, just like you,” Dean admitted before he could stop himself. 

“Thank you Dean,” Cas beamed, giving Dean a personal light show while they waited for Sam.


	15. Dean Loses Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something snaps inside Dean and he loses control, Castiel helps him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - depiction of self harm as well as extreme anger/rage/fury directed at no one

Dean looked up when Sam entered the room with beer. He watched as a small smile crept up on his brother's face at the sight of Cas reclining on his belly on a giant pile of pillows, wings splayed out and relaxed, Dean on the floor in front of the couch with his legs under Cas' wing. “Beer, thanks,” Dean smiled as Sam handed him one. “You can pick the movie after...well, after.” It was going to be a while before the kitchen incident faded.

“You guys comfortable 'cause I'm taking the whole couch,” Sam informed them as he sprawled out on the couch above Dean. “And we're watching a comedy. Nothing with sex.” Sam's tone was final. Dean was grateful. Cas relaxed slightly as well.

Sam clicked on a movie and before long the three were laughing at it. Dean watched Cas' wings about as much as he watched the movie. He noticed that when Cas laughed, the light in the wings pulsed a bit. Dean started to wonder if Cas was sad would the light dim, and what would the light do when he was angry? After a bit Dean started grooming the wings absently. Cas turned slightly to look at him when he started and gave the nod of approval for Dean to continue.

At one point Sam let his hand drape over the edge of the couch and onto the wing that didn't have Dean underneath. With a flick of his fingers he also started to mindlessly groom the wing, seeking out dead feathers. Cas turned to look at Sam questioningly. “Sorry,” Sam exclaimed, yanking his hand back. “Habit when I have a wing in front of me.”

Cas nodded slightly. “I don't mind if Dean doesn't mind,” Cas approved. 

Sam glanced at Dean who gave a dismissive wave. “If it's ok with Cas it's ok with me. Cas does his own on the inside though, so only do the back feathers.” Dean said with a hint of warning.

“Maybe you can help him there, Dean, but I won't.” Sam quipped. “Not even maybe. No. That's much too personal.” Sam saw his brother's brow crease trying to figure out what Sam meant. “It's the difference between me combing the hair on your head and combing the hair around your-”

“Got it.” They went back to searching for dead feathers. “Hey...why does Lucifer have sharp edges on his feathers and yours are soft?” Dean asked after a while, ignoring the movie.

It was Sam who answered. “Lucifer can make his sharp as a weapon if he wants to. But at rest they are soft like Cas'. Different, but still soft.”

“Different?' Cas asked. “And I can make mine sharp too, but I'd rather not demonstrate.”

“Yeah, different. Yours are soft and kind of...fluffy. Lucifer's are more silky I think. Longer for sure.” Sam fingered a longer feather. “Also Lucifer's are straighter, Cas yours are kind of...bendy. Like wavy hair almost. Not something noticeable when you look at the whole wing, but some feathers have a kind of curve. Thanks for not demonstrating the sharpness, I don't really want cuts everywhere,” he added.

“What else is different about them?” Dean added more feathers to the little pile between the brothers.

Sam thought as he groomed and watched the movie. “Colour and size, obviously. I've never seen freckles, though. Cas does any other angel have spotted wings like yours?”

“No, not that I know of. Maybe they do but the spots are a similar colour to the wings. Mine just stand out because the feathers are blue and the spots are white.”

“Blue like your eyes,” Dean mused, examining a feather before setting it down.

Sam cracked open another beer, giving one to his brother as well. “Beer Cas?” He declined.

Sam slid off the couch, tucking himself under the wing like Dean. “Is this ok? I can reach the feathers better this way,” Sam asked a bit late. Cas shrugged and nodded, attention mostly on the movie. 

While Sam groomed with efficiency Dean marvelled at each feather that fell out. Dean was finding it a bit hypnotic to turn over every feather, testing for softness, shape, colour, and speckles against the one he'd just discarded. Dean noticed Sam was watching him examine every feather he pulled out. “What? They're so beautiful, I've never seen anything like them,” he said defensively.

Sam added a couple more feathers to the pile. “Dean. You can't keep them,” he cautioned.

Cas whipped his head around to look at Dean while pulling his wings in tight to his back. “Dean,” Cas warned.

Dean startled. He'd never seen that particular look on Cas' face. His jaw was set and his eyes held a terrifying storm just under the surface. A cold worm of fear worked its way through Dean at the implications of Cas being angry with him. “I just...they're...” he was having trouble assembling his thoughts. “Stop looking at me like that!” he demanded of Cas. There was no change in Cas' expression as Dean removed the feathers he'd been hiding under his thigh and added them to the pile. 

“Is that all of them?” Cas asked in a tight, controlled voice.

Dean simply nodded, too frightened of Cas to speak and too pissed off with himself for being scared. Something pierced the anger brewing in his mind, almost like something was probing him. Immediately he created walls in his mind and shut down his emotions. “Get out of my head Cas,” Dean stated flatly. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sam's eyebrows fly up as he backed away from the two of them slightly.

“Guys, maybe calm down a little,” Sam tried. Neither Dean nor Cas made any motion of having heard Sam.

“You stay out of my head. I said there are no more, so there are no more. You have to trust me.” Dean said through a clenched jaw. 

“Do _NOT_ bring trust into this Dean. You have no idea the wrath that can be brought down if one of my feathers makes it into the wrong hands.” Cas turned to face Dean fully, his wings narrowing in on themselves. 

“Guys,” Sam tried again, taking in the state of Cas' wings. They were starting to resemble two fat, curved swords laying on Cas' back. The feathers lost their fluffiness, now they were sleek and tight against each other so the light barely showed through. Sam watched as Cas created a sharp edge to the feathers.

“Well maybe if you had _told me_ that then I would have _known_ and I wouldn't have tried to _keep them!_ ” Dean shouted. He could feel tears welling up which only made him more angry.

“Maybe if you had _asked_ instead of just _hiding_ them I would have had the _chance_ to tell you!” Cas boomed.

“You know what? Fuck this. I've had _enough._ ” Rage boiled under the surface of his skin. “This has been a shit day. I'm fucking done.” Dean jerked himself upright.

“Really? The first sign of confrontation and you are going to _leave?_ ” Cas was suddenly standing, blocking Dean's path and somehow appearing double his size. “Did I give you _permission_ to exit the room?” Cas asked dangerously.

“Perm- _**what!??**_ ” Dean felt his world rip in two inside him. He was blisteringly angry with Cas and extremely turned on at the very idea of needing to ask permission. For a brief second he was positive his heart stopped beating at the strain of keeping his two worlds together. He saw Sam mouthing something but all he could hear was the roaring in his ears. It was too much. The adrenaline was flooding through him, choking off any thought. Without further comment he backed away, staring at Castiel through a haze of betrayal for treating him this way in front of his brother. When he was able, he turned around, fury propelling his legs to the workout room.

The first thing he did when he arrived in the room was pick up the empty barbell. Holding it like a baseball bat he found himself in front of one of the floor to ceiling mirrors. All he saw was a man with rough edges, sharp corners, ugly features...and then nothingness. Just colour and pattern holding a bar. Nothing of any value was reflected back at him. The tidal wave of rage returned, beginning its ascent in his feet swiftly overtaking his legs and torso. In the seconds it took to reach his shoulders it had become a tsunami. With a cry that tore his throat open he let the rage take his arms and smash the barbell into the mirror.

It was astonishing how satisfying it felt. The shattering glass sounded perfect in his mind. Hundreds, _thousands,_ of bits of glass pounded against each other, destroying each other as they fell to the floor. Perfection created addiction. More was required. Dean spun around and flung the bar into the next mirror. Screaming with violence he aimed the bar at the larger slices of mirror that fell to the floor. Every tinkle, every crash, every shatter, added to the need to hear more, louder, screeching noise. His mind screamed for more sharpness. He flung the barbell across the room in favour of a dumbbell. Holding it vertically he used the blunt end as a manual jackhammer, smashing every last piece of mirror on the floor. He crushed them until the pieces were reduced to grit under his feet, then he finally collapsed on his knees. Unable to hold himself fully upright he fell forward, letting go of the dumbbell and landing on his hands. He only vaguely registered the powdered mirror biting into his palms.

There he remained, breathing heavily, sweating profusely, gently grinding his palms into the grit. The sharp sensation in his palms kept him from completely retreating into his mind. A sob escaped him. The room needed cleaning. He had to clean it. He could not leave it. Resignation forced his shoulders to round down as he got his feet under him. Numbness accompanied him in retrieving a broom and dustpan. Sparks of pain in his palms kept him working to sweep the room. It was not enough. Towels were needed. And so towels were fetched, some moistened, some dry. Using the dry towels he hand swept the walls where there once held reflection. A fingernail wrapped in a dry towel slid through the frame of the absent mirror to collect every shard remaining. Moist towels then cleaned the floor of the dust left behind from sweeping. Setting the barbell and dumbbell in place he grabbed the towels and left the room, not checking his work, not wanting to see the aftermath.

His body dumped the adrenaline and unshed sweat into his bladder, forcing him to the washroom where he did his business. After flushing he stood at the sink and looked at his ruined hands. Bits of mirror were embedded in the callouses, raw pads ached and stung. Knowing there was a mirror at eye level he kept his head down, focusing on the grime that had developed around the tap. His muscles creaked as he reached into the cupboard for the cleaner and a face cloth. His hands screamed as he plunged the cloth under running water and wrung it out. First, the taps needed cleaning. Then the sink. Scrubbing every corner, every plane, every join, he got the sink to gleam. Standing back to see his work he saw the tiles were spattered with bathroom use. 

A shaky sigh was the only noise he made as he sprayed cleaner on the tile, scrubbed, sprayed, scrubbed...until every tile on every surface shone, each shower stall shining, every strip of grout renewed to its whiteness. Knowing he wasn't done he moved his heavy head to the tub and saw the soap scum lining the inside. Grabbing a new face cloth he set to work on making the tub glisten. Exhausted, he sat on his heels and saw the toilets. Holding back a well of tears he unwrapped a new toothbrush to clean around the bolts on the floor, each rib of the water line, and under the rim of the bowls. Finally finished he stripped his clothes off and stepped into a shower to clean himself.

He made sure every square inch of skin was scrubbed raw. Ignoring the constant shrieking of his palms he lathered soap and shampoo, scrubbing and rinsing until there was nothing left to remove. Only then did he turn off the shower, rubbing the walls and taps with the towel first to keep the continuity of a clean bathroom before drying himself. As he wrapped the towel around his waist he saw Sam enter a toilet stall. Defeat tugged at Dean's shoulders, slumping them forwards. He waited for Sam to finish. He wanted Sam to just leave. 

“Dean. Are you ok?” Sam's soft voice slid into Dean's sensitive ears.

Dean knew Sam was being kind and was concerned. He understood that Sam wanted to help. But Sam didn't know. Sam could never possibly know this abyss within Dean, and Dean never wanted to soil Sam with that knowledge, so he nodded. A silent assent in hopes Sam would leave. He kept his eyes on the floor, tracing the newly cleaned area. He made sure his palms remained turned away so Sam could not assess the damage he created.

“Dean. You need to stop.” Sam's voice was firm.

“Yeah Sammy I will,” he croaked, still not raising his eyes. There was a pause, then he heard Sam leave. Dean waited to make sure he wasn't returning, then with robotic movements he opened another toothbrush and cleaned the toilet Sam had used. When he was done he washed his hands thoroughly, making sure to get under the fingernails. Then he gathered his clothes and the towels he'd taken from the workout room and carried them to his bedroom.

He wanted to lie down. On the bed would be ideal. First he had to clean the mess Cas had made with his wings. _Cas._ The sharp beginning of the name opening into a yell and closing with a hiss. _Cas. Cas. Cas._ Something tried to filter up through the barrier he'd erected inside himself. _Cas._ He shoved it down as far as he could. Clothes and towels dumped into a pile he began putting things away. His knives went back on the shelf, largest to smallest, left to right. His books placed back on the ledge, sorted by genre, alphabetized within the genre by author's last name. Miscellaneous items placed neatly, facing forward, spaced correctly. Only then did he notice his bed. His bed had one pillow. There were two this morning. He couldn't stop the tears from flowing so he dressed. Underwear – sob – comfy pants – sob – socks – sob – soft shirt the colour of Cas' eyes – clench. _There will be no more crying. That's enough._

The clothes were dirty. There were dirty cleaning rags mixed in with the clothes. Some towels held mirror dust. One load. No, two. He got everything into his arms and headed for the laundry room, noting Cas' closed bedroom door on the way. Laundry. Easy task, predictable outcome. Sort. Towels and rags. Jeans with towels. Shirts, underwear, socks. Cas' shirt. Cas' underwear. Cas everywhere. He set the machine. He stared at it. Tried to read the mysteries of the universe in the dust particles resting on the surface. Dust. A quick wipe with the towel he'd used on himself. Rubbed the streaks out. Made it shine. 

The feeling washed over Dean like a vengeance. Thirst. Parched. His throat was a desert. Water. He needed water. The kitchen had water. He somehow got himself to the kitchen sink. The energy to fill a glass was almost overwhelming. First he had to find a clean glass. Then turn on the tap. Wait for the right temperature. No. Something else nagged at Dean's mind. Bottle. There were water bottles. In the fridge. So far away from where he was standing. He wanted to collapse to the floor under the monumental task of getting to the fridge. Instead he gripped the sink edge for a moment.

“Dean.” Sam's voice again. It was too much effort to turn his head. Sam would keep talking. “Dean. You need to stop. Now.” Such kindness. More than he deserved. No matter how much he cleaned, he could not erase the damage he'd done to the mirrors. The guilt at the destruction almost knocked him off his feet. 

“I will Sammy,” he said aloud, finishing in his head; _but first the kitchen is dirty. There is scum around the sink. The cupboards need wiping and the floor is sticky in spots. I'll stop. I will. Soon._

Dean remembered his thirst as he heard Sam's footsteps retreat. With a push he got off the sink edge and over to the fridge. Water. There it was. As he reached down his back complained at the angle. Twisting the top off was murderous on his hands. But the sweet liquid sluicing down his throat was bliss. When the bottle was empty he dragged it over to the counter and set it down. The counter where Lucifer did the- _no. Not thinking about that._ An unending wave of exhaustion flowed through Dean but he fought it. _Just for a while,_ he thought. _First, I have to get the sink clean._ He reached under the sink, looking for a cloth, when he heard Cas.

“Dean. Stop. Look at me.” Cas sounded commanding to Dean's ears. Commanding like Dean should obey. Fuck that. Dean wet the cloth in preparation of scrubbing. “Dean.” Cas was closer now. Dean had not looked up yet. Why bother? He knew Cas was angry. He knew he deserved it by taking the feathers. “Dean.” There was a hand on top of his, not allowing him to use the cloth. Dean saw his hand drop the cloth in the sink.

“What.” Dean had no emotion left. It was gone. Only a shell remained.

Cas manoeuvred himself between Dean and the sink, forcing Dean to step back. Dean tried to retreat farther, but Cas used his wings to pin Dean in place. He felt Cas slide his arms around him and pull him into a hug. Dean was shocked at the surge of emotion coming from nowhere and everywhere. _I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry._

“Dean.” Cas' voice rumbled through his chest, vibrating Dean's in return. _I will not cry. I will not cry._ Cas enclosed Dean completely, one arm around his lower back, one arm snaking around his mid and upper back. Dean felt his own arms reach up and grip Cas' shoulders. _I will not cry. I will not cry._ Softness enshrouded Dean. He glanced up and saw the wings were surrounding them completely, cocooning them from the world. His head fell to Cas' shoulder. Cas leaned his head on Dean's and exhaled, long and low. With his exhale Dean felt all the hard, sharp parts of him leave. The levee broke. He cried. Deep, gut-wrenching, forlorn sobs that wracked his body. 

Cas rocked him gently, pulling the hurt out slowly with his grace. When Dean was empty, when the cries subsided to sniffles, when his grip was less intense, Cas flooded Dean with joy. Dean basked in it. Dean bathed in it. Dean accepted all of it willingly. As the hitching in his chest levelled out he heard Cas murmuring words he never thought applied to him. Words like good, kind, love, beautiful, smart, gentle. The words became short sentences that Dean held onto. Sentences like good man, kind brother, protective brother, loving boyfriend, intelligent man, good son. Dean decided in a flash that this was what he wanted to believe. This was what he wanted to become. “Please help me keep this,” he asked of Cas, whispering in case he sounded too demanding, whispering in case it was too much to ask. 

“Of course. I love you. I love you as you are, I love you for who you used to be, I love you for who you will become.” Cas kissed Dean's hair. “I will help you in any way I can.”

Dean slumped with relief against Cas. “I'm so sorry,” he murmured into Cas' shoulders.

“What could you possibly be sorry for?” Cas' wonder sounded genuine to Dean.

Dean let himself be rocked some more while he gathered his thoughts and breathed Cas' scent. “I'm sorry for causing so much trouble. You are trying to heal and here I am making it hard for you. I should be making it easier.” Dean couldn't help the tears that slipped out. He turned his head so that he was facing away from Cas but still holding on tight.

Cas nosed Dean's head until he turned back. Without letting go, Cas leaned in to kiss Dean gently. “You are not making it harder. You have done more than I could ever have hoped. I feel better simply having you in the room.” 

Dean rolled that over in his mind for a while, loosening his grip a little. “Cas,” he asked hesitantly. “Why is your pillow not on my bed any more?” Dean braced himself for the answer that Cas didn't want to share a room.

“You were very angry at me. I thought you wanted to have some time alone. I thought it would be better if you didn't feel like you needed to tell me.”

 _Well, that does make sense,_ Dean thought. “You were really freaking angry at me too.” Dean let his hands slide down Cas' arms, relaxing a bit in his hold.

Cas loosened his grip as well. “After you...left...Lucifer showed himself. He'd been watching. He explained to Sam and I that he needed me to be angry. Very angry. His first thought was to hurt you,” Cas gripped Dean a bit harder, going rigid in Dean's arms for a heartbeat before relaxing again. “But he thought a fight would be better advised.”

“Huh. What an asshat.” Cas hummed in agreement. “Wait. So he manipulated us again? I need to seriously sit down with him and explain what 'consent' is.” Dean released his hold on Cas, who let him go but kept a hand on his arm.

“No need. He said that would be the last time. Sam assured me that he doesn't lie and that he will honour any agreement.” Cas brought his wings down slowly, gauging Dean as he did. “Are you all right?” Cas was staring intently at Dean as he folded his wings behind him.

“Uh, yeah, actually,” Dean looked at his palms. “You healed me,” he said with awe.

Cas smiled, lighting up his eyes. “Of course. Dean? What's wrong?” Cas' brow furrowed at the distant look on Dean's face.

“Nothing. I just...nothing. It's good.” Dean dropped his hands and looked away.

Cas watched him closely. “Did you want the pain?” 

Dean nodded slightly. “It helps me remember,” he mumbled. “But it's ok. It's good.”

“How about next time I will ask if you want to be healed. That way you can keep some of it if you want to.” Dean mumbled his thanks while staring at the floor. “But Dean,” Cas waited for Dean to look up. “I don't like this. I don't like you hurting yourself. Are you willing to find another way?”

Dean thought about it. “Yeah. Yeah I am. With you. Yeah.” Dean fidgeted while he thought about the implications of all that. He never even considered the possibility that someone else would be affected when he gave himself a little pain. “Hey, did Lucifer get what he wanted out of our anger?” Dean asked hopefully.

“Yes,” Cas relaxed some more, slipping his hand into Dean's. “The welts are gone and shouldn't come back. Rehab begins tomorrow after breakfast apparently.”

“Good. I mean, good that he got what he wanted. And good that we can move on, I guess.” Dean squeezed Cas' hand.

“I understand what you meant. Time for bed?” Cas suggested. “It's been a long day.”

“Yeah no shit.” Dean cast a look in the direction of the laundry room. “Um, you go. I'll meet you there. In my room, I mean, if you want. I just want to finish the laundry.”

“Can you leave it?” Cas examined Dean closely through slightly squinted eyes.

Dean shifted around a bit. “No,” he finally admitted. “I need to finish it. There's only one load left. It won't take long.”

Cas' face cleared up. “Then I will wait with you. Come on, the washer's done the load. I heard the timer a while back.”

“Thank you,” Dean breathed. “And thanks for...um...I feel better. Thanks.”

“Anytime,” Cas planted a kiss on Dean's forehead, pulling him towards the laundry room. He stepped aside to let Dean get the load into the dryer and the next into the washer. While they waited for the loads to finish Cas held Dean, stroking his arms and back, kissing him softly. Dean melted into Cas, letting him do as he pleased. In a small corner of Dean's mind he admitted he liked it. He liked feeling as though Cas had everything under control and all he had to do was the task at hand.

When the clothes were all dried and put away, Cas put his pillow back in Dean's room. Dean did his nighttime routine while Cas stayed nearby but out of the way. Back in Dean's bed they curled up again so that Cas wasn't on his back. Cas splayed a wing out as a blanket again, eliciting a small sigh of pleasure from Dean at the feeling of warmth and safety. Cas continued kissing Dean lightly, murmuring soft praises, and stroking his chest and arms until Dean slid into sleep.


	16. Dean's Reward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has done a lot for Castiel lately, Cas wants to thank him for his efforts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wasn't planning this chapter, but here you go. Hope you like it :)

_Something's wrong,_ Dean thought as he woke up. He tried shifting under Cas' wing in an effort to find the pain from the day before. There was nothing. Not a twinge, not a single puncture wound, no burning anywhere. It was then that Dean remembered with disappointment that Cas had healed him after he destroyed the mirrors and scrubbed some rooms clean. It had never really occurred to Dean that the ache from his behaviour would be missed.

He could feel his frustration mounting. Rather than wake Cas he slid out from under the wing, making sure Cas' breathing was still deep and even. No point in both of them being up. Cas seemed cozy enough, so Dean got off the bed without really knowing where he was going. In the few steps to the door he noticed the sigil painted on the inside. _Must be the soundproofing one_. Sam – or Cas – must have done that while he was...busy....yesterday. _One less thing to worry about I guess,_ he thought as he left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Having no idea where he was going he just started walking and wasn't really surprised to end up in the bathroom. As soon as he opened the door he was greeted with the sharp scent of bathroom cleaner, so he stood there a minute and just breathed it in. His eyes scoured the room using the ambient light from the hall. It was satisfying to see the gleaming tile and shining porcelain. The sight of the pristine bathroom combined with the smell of clean comforted him. Like putting on an old, soft shirt that he hated. 

It made him feel better to look at it, to know that he was the one to have accomplished the task. There was a small burst of pride at the idea that he was successful here. Nobody could take that away from him, the results were clear; the bathroom was clean because he cleaned it. The part that bothered him was how and why he cleaned it. Some time ago he'd done some stealthy research online about this sort of thing. While he didn't like what he read, he understood; he felt out of control about something so he needed to put things in order so he could feel better. 

Leaving the lights off he entered the bathroom and wandered around, trailing his fingers over the smooth tiles, thinking about the last little while. It felt like he had been riding a roller coaster with no idea when the hills and valleys would appear. Cas was his boyfriend now, that was awesome. Cas was hurt, not as awesome. Cas was healing, back to awesome. He was learning that it was ok to love a man, even more awesome. His brother had no problem with him loving a man, very awesome. Lucifer manipulated him, not awesome. Lucifer awakened things in him, sexual things, that he didn't know were there, extremely not awesome. Cas was supportive, back to awesome. He liked the feeling of being told what to do, sort of awesome. 

He was always in charge, always making decisions, always responsible for everyone's safety...it felt good to not do that. But it also felt bad, like he was betraying himself somehow, or that he was weak for wanting it. What if Cas didn't want it, what if Cas wanted him to be the one to decide everything? How does this even become something he could talk to Cas about? Or not. Not talk to him at all about it. Maybe it was just a fleeting thing, not real, just a product of the circumstances. _If I say anything out loud I make it real. What if I don't really want to be ordered around like that? What if I want to go back on it?_

“Dean,” Cas' soft voice startled Dean back to reality.

“Hey, Cas,” he answered in a low voice. 

“Come back to bed.” Cas held a hand out for Dean.

“Yeah, in a minute, ok?” Dean took a step back, not sure why.

Cas looked him over, lowering his hand. “No.” 

“No?” Dean felt a tingle of something just below his belly button. “What do you mean 'no'?” 

“Do you have business to conduct in this room?” Cas asked firmly.

Now that he mentioned it, yes Dean did, but damned if he was going to admit that. 

Cas didn't bother to wait for an answer. “Urinate. Meet me outside the door.” That voice again. Authoritative and kind at the same time.

Dean watched Cas leave. For a moment he just stood there. Well, he did have to pee, that was just coincidence, he was going to do it anyway. And besides, he was tired. Bed is a good idea. Cas' rehab starts in the morning, he needs his rest and so does Dean. While Dean relieved himself he noticed he felt a tiny bit nervous. Pushing it away he finished up, washing his hands as more of a delay tactic then necessity. When he couldn't put it off any more, he stepped out.

Cas was waiting. Not good not bad. Just waiting. His wings framed his body, neither loose nor tight, his body not tense but not relaxed either. 

Dean stopped, unsure why, but it felt right to wait. He felt his cock swell slightly under Cas' gaze. Part of him wanted to cover up, a bigger part found it exciting that Cas was staring at it, so he kept his arms loose at his sides.

Cas held out his hand again. “Bedtime,” he decided. Dean took his hand. They didn't say anything in the short walk. When they were both in the bedroom, Cas closed the door and turned to Dean. “It has been a difficult few days for you.” 

There was no room for argument, and it was true, so Dean simply nodded and moved to the bed.

“Clothes off first,” Cas commanded quietly. 

Dean looked at Cas, trying to figure out exactly what was going on. “Cas, is this you or...” he trailed off. Lucifer had done enough damage with manipulation.

Cas seemed to understand right away. “Yes Dean, this is all me. I want to take care of you. I think you deserve a reward for everything you've done to help me.” Cas closed the distance between them. “I want to show you how much I love you.” He put both hands on Dean's hips and leaned in to kiss him gently. Cas broke it off earlier than usual to murmur, “clothes, off, now,” and stepped back again.

Dean stood still, fingering the hem of his shirt. This was new and he liked it. His body was already showing signs of liking this very much. _But what if he wants this all the time,_ Dean thought in a panic. _What if-_

“Dean. I would like to try this. If you don't want to, then we can stop. We can stop whenever you want. You can either say it out loud or I can, as you put it, 'keep my ears on' and listen for it.” Cas' voice was no less commanding, but somehow it was gentler and more comforting to Dean.

Immense relief poured through Dean. _Ok, we are only trying this. It doesn't have to be forever._ “Um...if I want you to stop I'll tell you. Out loud. Ok?” Now he was actively twisting the hem in his fingers.

“Of course it's ok. I want you to be comfortable. I will stay out of your head.” Cas waited. “Clothes,” he reminded.

Dean took a steadying breath then raised his shirt over his head. He clutched it in front of him for a beat, then dropped it at his feet. He hesitated for only a second before pulling his pants down and stepping out of them, taking his socks off as well. He straightened up, placing his hands in front of his pelvis as a reflex.

“No. Take your hands away. I like to see how excited you are for me.” 

Dean watched Cas as he moved his hands away. Cas' eyes softened around the edges as his pupils grew. He watched as Cas' tongue darted out to lick his lips. Cas' wings twitched out slightly before returning to their resting position. It made Dean even harder to see Cas pant slightly through parted lips. 

Cas went to the bed and moved the blankets away. “Lie down on your back.”

Dean did. When he settled himself, Cas moved so he was resting his pelvis against Dean's hip, one leg slotted between Dean's, his body slightly off to the side of Dean's chest, his wings slightly raised, propping himself up on one arm. 

For some reason Dean still felt a bit tense, unsure of feeling so exposed. He was completely naked yet Cas had not removed any clothes at all. Dean brought his hands up to slip them under Cas' shirt with the intention of pulling it over his head.

“No. This is for you. All for you.” Cas directed Dean's hands over his head. “Keep them there.” Cas leaned in to suck Dean's neck, teasing his tongue near his ear. “Nobody is here with us. We are alone.” Cas moved his wings to create a pod around them. “It's only you and me. My entire world is you, only you,” he said softly as he mouthed Dean's neck and ear.

Any remaining tension drained out of Dean. His breathing picked up as Cas moved his mouth on Dean's. Cas took the lead, set the pace neither fast nor slow, neither light nor hard. While his tongue was busy tasting Dean he slid his palm slowly over Dean's shoulder, side, belly, hip, back up and over his arm. Slowly Dean's nerves went from tickling his organs to rising to the surface of his skin. He felt his nipples tighten, aching to be touched. It was starting to drive Dean wild. Cas' firm body pressing against him through clothes was amazing. The pod surrounding them glowed softly between the feathers, so he felt both safe and enclosed. Dean started bucking his hips up and down to feel Cas' clothed erection press against his hip. Before long Dean was whimpering and moaning, shocked at himself for being so aroused with only kissing and platonic touches.

He let out (what he thought was) a pathetic whine when Cas lifted his body weight away from Dean's side. Dean's hip burned with the rush of air where there had once been a hard cock. Cas moved to suck at Dean's shoulder, trailing his tongue and mouth down to his sternum. A long groan fell out of Dean's mouth in anticipation of having Cas put his mouth over his nipples. 

Cas surprised him by lifting off again and reaching for the nightstand. He picked up a bottle of lube, looked at it, put it back, found another that he took out. “Cherry flavour,” he explained to Dean's questioning face.

Dean watched Cas open the bottle and put a small dab on his thumb and set the bottle down. What? He thought as he watched Cas transfer some lube to the other thumb. Cas re-positioned himself so he was between Dean's legs. Dean let out a shocked cry when Cas dragged his wet thumbs over Dean's nipples while mouthing his cock. He had to grab the headboard to keep his hands off of Cas' head. Dean closed his eyes at the overwhelming sensation of Cas teasing his slicked nipples with his thumbs and forefingers while he sucked and licked at the base of his cock. He desperately wanted Cas to engulf him completely, instead Cas moved his mouth around as if his cock as if he was tasting Dean's neck. It was agonizing how Cas would lick a stripe and miss the head, or slide his pursed lips over his crown enough to moisten but not enough to send him over the edge. Cas let his tongue caress Dean's tight balls while his fingers pinched and twirled his nipples. Dean could no longer control the gasping sounds or how he writhed under Cas' touch. It was as if he was both boneless and electrified at the same time. He felt the familiar building in his lower belly when Cas lifted off again, abandoning his cock. 

He was about to beg Cas to return his mouth to his cock when Cas took one hand away from his nipple and plunged his mouth down on it. He lapped and sucked until all the lube was gone, then he switched sides. Dean's hips desperately sought Cas' but Cas held himself just out of reach, moving so that one knee was between Dean's legs and the other was on the outside of his thigh. Dean started using his heel as an anchor to try to press up into Cas.

Cas took the opportunity to take his hand and slide it down Dean's back, down between his cheeks, and press slightly. Dean thrust back into Cas' hand. “Cas! Cas...I've never...” Dean lost the words. He wanted more, so much more, but also wanted to let Cas know to slow down a bit.

“I know. I haven't either. We will go slow.” Cas stopped long enough to soak his fingers in cherry lube. After setting the bottle back down Cas brought his eyes back to Dean's. “You have to tell me if it's too much.” 

Dean just nodded under the weight of Cas' stare. Cas pressed his body up against Dean again as his mouth met Dean's and his wet finger slid around Dean's entrance. Dean felt his legs fall open for Cas, giving him better access. When his finger breached the opening Cas had to bury his face in Dean's neck where he let out a long low moan. Dean gasped at the intrusion, clenching around Cas' finger, sweaty hands slipping on the headboard. Cas began to slowly thrust his finger in and out, moving his pelvis against Dean's hip in time with his finger. Dean matched Cas' thrusts with his own, pressing against Cas' hand. Dean felt a wet spot develop on the front of Cas' pants, his wings began to rise and pulse with light. “So good,” Cas murmured in Dean's ear. “You are so good. Such a good man,” Cas praised as his finger slid in and out.

Dean felt the words dance over his skin and settle somewhere warm. He felt Cas pull his finger out, only to replace it with two. Dean hissed at the sensation, distracted slightly by Cas rutting on his hip. He wanted to kiss Cas so badly, partly to swallow the words, partly so his mouth would be on him again. Without thinking Dean let go of the headboard so he could grab Cas' hair, moving his head in for a kiss.

Cas returned the kiss...and suddenly pulled off. He slid his fingers out and sat up, straddling Dean's thigh. His wings calmed down as well. “Dean. Your hands are to stay above your head,” he demanded, eyes betraying how worked up he was.

Dean's hands flew back up, searching for the headboard. “Please don't stop. Please,” he begged, staring at the front of Cas' pants. His arousal skyrocketed at the sight of Cas' precome soaking his pants. He flicked his eyes around to see Cas' hair wild, his wet fingers glistening, his wings flapping slightly. A loud groan escaped him as he moved his thigh up into Cas, any kind of friction with any part of his body was better than nothing. He felt a drop of his own precome drip off the tip onto his belly. “Cas please, please, Cas, more please,” Dean's voice hitched in between words.

“You didn't obey. I will have to be less gentle.” Cas pressed two fingers against Dean's hot opening, pausing long enough for Dean to take in a deep breath before plunging his fingers in, hard. Dean arched up off the bed, the feeling was exquisite. Cas remained sitting on Dean's thigh, working him with his fingers. When Dean calmed down from the initial thrust, Cas crooked his fingers and found Dean's prostate.

Dean screamed. He had never felt anything like this, ever. When Cas moved his fingers around inside Dean, opening him up, Dean couldn't take it any more. “Cas! I need you inside me...now, Cas _now!”_

“You aren't ready Dean,” Cas could barely talk, his wings were flapping wildly, the pulse getting stronger with every upsweep.

“Cas, do it, I want the burn, _do it,_ do it Cas, now, please, Cas,” Dean begged “I'm not gonna last please Cas please _do it!”_ Dean felt the fingers leave and heard the squirt of more lube. He hadn't realized his eyes were closed until he opened them in time to see Cas position himself between Dean's legs. Cas' clothes were gone, no doubt with the help of his mojo, Dean could feel the blunt tip of Cas pressing on him. Cas raised Dean's knees and pressed them to Dean's chest for better access. Panting heavily, Cas paused to let Dean relax a little. 

_Oh, he's too big, he's too big, this is gonna hurt-_ and it _did._ Dean couldn't breathe at the feeling of Cas breaching him, stretching him out farther than he'd ever known. Just when he thought it was too painful, the pain receded a bit and he opened up a little more. Cas didn't stop at all, he kept his slow, steady pace as he inserted himself fully, balls coming to rest against Dean's cheeks. Cas' hands kept going from gripping the sheet below Dean to pushing down on Dean's knees to grabbing Dean's hips. Dean could hear Cas trying – and failing – to control his breathing. Dean finally found his breath and exhaled, his body trying to figure out this new sensation of simultaneously being filled by the man he loved and being split in two by the intrusion. 

“Move,” Dean pleaded. “Cas, move, _please.”_ He felt his own hips roll up into Cas while Cas' hips remained still.

Cas tipped his head to look Dean in the eye. “Dean.” Cas' voice was tight and small. He blinked and tried again, “Dean. You. _Feel. SO. **GOOD** ,”_ Cas growled. “So tight,” he gasped. “I'm inside you,” he panted with wonder. “I can't..believe...Dean. _Dean._ ” Cas struggled to get control again. Dean vaguely watched Cas' wings flapping harder, the light pulsing faster. Cas was grabbing at whatever his hands could reach.

“CAS,” Dean grabbed two fistfuls of wings when they came close enough. He twisted and twirled his fingers in the sensitive feathers until he had a good grip. “ _Fuck me. **HARD** ,_” he commanded through clenched teeth, curling himself up by pulling on the wings.

Dean watched the the dam break beneath the surface of Cas' eyes, making them dangerously stormy. Cas let out a guttural roar, grabbed Dean's hips, pulled out halfway, and slammed back into Dean, nailing his prostate. Dean yelled and gripped the wings harder. This seemed to spur Cas on. He lunged forward, making Dean drop against the bed. Cas adjusted his grip on Dean's hips, blunt nails biting into the skin. Once he had a good grip he held Dean in place while he pounded hard, making sure to slam his prostate as often as possible. Dean didn't even try to keep up or match Cas' pace. Instead he gripped Cas' wings and lost himself in the feeling of his lover manhandling him, pumping for his own pleasure, chasing his own release. Dean barely acknowledged he was feeling _used_...and _adored_ it.

Almost as an afterthought, Cas took one hand off Dean's hip to fist his cock, getting only one clumsy stroke in before Dean exploded everywhere without warning, screaming Cas' name. Dean felt himself clamp down on Cas as his orgasm ripped through him. Cas got in one more good thrust before freezing above Dean. His wings thrust out as wide as they could with Dean's hands tangled in the feathers, the light from inside the wings burst out, blinding Dean while Cas emptied himself deep inside of him. Cas' hips stuttered as his orgasm ran its course, his breathing rough and uneven. 

Dean collapsed completely as Cas neared his end. He let go of the wings muttering a vague apology for clutching them so hard. Cas released his hold on Dean's hips only to embrace him completely with his arms. “So good to me,” he whispered to Dean, breath hitching in his chest. “Thank you Dean, thank you for letting me try that.” Cas curled his wings around the two of them as much as he could.

Dean rode the wave of post orgasm euphoria. He registered Cas talking but was unable to respond. Instead he relished in the feeling of how he burned as Cas softened inside him. He could feel every fingernail mark on his hips. _That's going to hurt. I'm gonna bruise for a while,_ he thought dreamily. 

“Dean,” Cas lifted his head up from Dean's shoulder. “Are you ok? How do you feel about...what we did?” Cas asked cautiously.

He tried to form complete ideas but it was too much work. “Head, look in my head,” he asked instead. As soon as Dean felt Cas gently probe his mind, he unleashed his rapture. He made sure to focus on his sore points and how they made him feel marked and loved at the same time. 

Cas slipped out of Dean's mind and hugged him tighter. “I love you so much,” he said quietly.

“Love you too Cas,” Dean croaked. “Water?” Dean felt Cas fluff away and return before he could register Cas had left. Cas helped him to sit up, pausing when Dean hissed at the soreness when sitting. Once he was reasonably comfortable, Cas helped him with the water bottle. “Shower,” he asked wearily, not sure if standing was really possible.

“No, maybe next time I can clean you up more tenderly.” Cas waved a hand and they were clean and clothed.

Dean huffed a soft laugh. “Mojo has its uses.” They settled back into bed to sleep off the rest of the night. “Cas? Um, did I hurt your wings?” The last thing he needed was to cause Cas more pain than he already did.

Cas considered. “It was rough, but in the moment I didn't mind. Was I...too rough...with you?” Cas' voice was tentative.

“No. I liked it. I really liked it. Not every time like that, but I liked it.” Dean realized he was starting to babble. “Don't heal me, ok? I want to feel it tomorrow.” Dean fingered the growing bruise on his hip. “Hey, um, why did you, well, it started to hurt a lot, then it um-” 

Cas rescued him. “You weren't ready so I used my grace to assist in the entry.”

Dean smiled in the low light of Cas' wings draped on top of them. “Thanks I think.” Cas squeezed him in response. “I'm gonna have to clean my room again, aren't I,” he teased when he remembered hearing his things fly off the shelves from Cas' wings flapping.

“Maybe I'll help. In the morning.” Cas leaned over to kiss Dean deeply. “Sleep now,” he ordered softly.

Dean slept easily the rest of the night.


	17. Rehab Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's wings are almost healed, but first some flying lessons are needed. It gives Dean and Sam some time to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut in the next chapter :)

Dean woke to the tickle of feathers on his face. “Cas,” he reprimanded sleepily as he brushed the wingtips away from his nose without opening his eyes. The feathers fluffed up only to settle back down on Dean's mouth and nose. Dean waved them away again while wondering how feathers could be tickling him. _Should be the ridge, not feather tips,_ he thought. “How are you even-” he finally opened his eyes to see Cas holding his wing above Dean, dangling his feather tips over Dean's face. “Cas, what-”

“Waking you up,” he said with amusement. “Good morning. Boyfriend.” Cas was sitting up beside Dean, sleep rumpled and smiling widely.

Dean looked at Cas' giant smile. “Really hard to be mad at you when you smile like that,” he chided. “There are better ways of getting my attention.” Dean looked pointedly at Cas' hip area. Now that Cas moved the wing out of the way Dean took the opportunity to stretch, exposing a slash of skin, grimacing when parts of him remembered the night's activities.

“We did that in the middle of the night, if you recall,” Cas said in a smoky voice. “Besides, I figured you'd be too sore for another round.” 

Dean felt more than saw Cas watching him for pain. “'S'ok Cas, I'm fine.” Dean went to pat Cas' hand as a reassurance when he saw the look of concern on Cas' face. “Seriously Cas, I really am ok. I like it, I showed you, remember?” he mumbled the last few words. 

Cas nodded slowly. “As long as you know that this is your kink, not mine. I don't like to see you hurt.” He gently brushed his fingertips against Dean's exposed hip.

Taking a breath Dean continued, “I'll let you know if it's too much. But really, why are we up so goddamn early? I could use another hour or two.” He rubbed his eyes and tried not to get too grumpy. He really was tired.

“Rehab. Lucifer will be here soon if he's not already. And I'm hungry. Waffles would be a good option,” Cas said with hope.

“Well, can't you go without me? I mean, I don't do anything anyway. Your wings are mostly healed so there should be no pain, and I'll be right here,” Dean tried to burrow back down into the memory foam, snuggling his face into the pillow. When there was no immediate response he glanced back up at Cas. His wings were tight to his back and he was staring at the blanket. “Cas? What is it?” Dean felt a stab of worry. Suddenly it dawned on him how Cas behaved whenever Lucifer was around. “You don't like being alone with him, do you?”

Cas shook his head. “No. But you are right. I don't have any pain.” He moved to get off the bed.

Dean whipped his hand out and caught Cas' wrist., preventing him from leaving. “Cas.” Dean dragged himself closer to Cas without letting go or getting up fully. “What is it? Why don't you like being alone with him?”

Cas looked at Dean's hand on his wrist. “I have lived several millennia following orders. No matter how much I've evolved, I immediately fall right back into taking orders without question when he's around.” Cas gently shook off Dean's hand. “When you are there, I am reminded of how far I've come, and to not slide so far back.” Cas still wouldn't look at Dean, opting instead to smooth a wrinkle in the blanket.

“Crab bucket, huh,” Dean said quietly, letting go of Cas. 

A furrow appeared between Cas' eyebrows. Dean felt his stomach flip when Cas scrunched his face up adorably while he tried to figure out what Dean meant. “This has nothing to do with crabs-” Cas finally turned to Dean.

“No, not- wait.” Dean sat up gingerly, wincing slightly. “Imagine there is a bucket of crabs. None of them can get out on their own. They don't like the bucket, they don't want to be in the bucket, but they are. When one tries to leave the others panic and pull it back down. They would rather live in misery and not let one leave than try to work together to find a way out. Crab bucket.” He shifted slightly, taking the weight off his butt. 

Cas squinted, turning it over in his mind. “A metaphor. So, Lucifer is one of the crabs.”

Dean nodded. “And every time you get close to your family it's easy to be pulled back into the bucket – back into old habits – they mean well, they do. Maybe even love you, but they don't always see they are hurting you or holding you back or that you are better off without them.”

“Dean.” Cas looked expectantly at his boyfriend. “You are aware that you and Sam are-”

“Nope, Sam is different. It's time for a shower. Didn't you say something about waffles?” Dean slid off the bed carefully and stripped down. He fumbled with his robe while Cas smiled and watched.

Cas walked over and helped him into his robe, then found his own. “Kiss me.” Without waiting for an answer he leaned in for a chaste morning kiss. Once he was also wearing only a robe they made their way to the shower, slowly for Dean's benefit.

Thankfully, Sam wasn't in the shower when they got there. Cas waited patiently, adjusting the water temperature in the shower, while Dean did his usual human morning routine before entering the spray of water. “Water's perfect,” Dean mumbled. The water did feel excellent pounding on his sore muscles. Some of the tiredness was already sliding down the drain.

“May I wash your hair?” Cas was looking at Dean with giant blue puppy dog eyes.

“How can I possibly say no to that look,” Dean laughed. He closed his eyes so his whole world was Cas' slender fingers massaging his scalp, then tipping his head back to rinse. Cas took advantage of his exposed neck, sucking small areas slowly. Dean felt the beginnings of arousal stir in his belly. “Do you wanna wash my back too?” he asked as he handed Cas a cloth and soap.

“Of course. I will wash all of you.” And he did. Slowly and tenderly he rubbed every inch of Dean's skin with the soapy cloth. He paused only to kiss the bruises on Dean's hips, nicely avoiding Dean's growing interest. Dean watched Cas' wings periodically flutter and flick off the water like it was an annoyance. 

“Do your wings need washing? Ever?” Dean asked as he watched Cas ruffle his feathers like an indignant bird.

“Not really. As long as they are well groomed it's not a problem. My 'mojo' as you put it, cleans them nicely.” Cas rinsed the cloth out and set it aside. 

“If you two lovebirds are done, we can begin,” Lucifer's chilly voice filled the room.

Cas was lightning fast in pulling Dean up against him, belly to belly, wrapping his arms around Dean. Instinctively, Dean rested his hands on Cas' hips as his arousal vanished. Cas' wings whipped around them, forming a hard shell of protection. The sound of the water hitting the wings was different, like the droplets were striking a tent. “We will begin after breakfast,” Cas' tone met Lucifer's. “You can wait for us in the kitchen.”

Dean wondered if the feathers were as smooth as they looked. Running his fingertips along the grain of the feathers he was surprised they felt like one single unit, like embossed metal. 

“Little brother. You do not have any authority to give orders to me.” Lucifer sauntered over to the pair. “Your wings look good. Nice form. Could make the edges sharper, though.” He ran his fingers over the outside of the wings, poking a bit as if to test for firmness. “What- Castiel. Really.” Lucifer held his hand up to show bloody fingertips.

“You wanted them sharper,” Cas stated flatly.

Dean had to turn his head away to hide his smile.

“Well done,” Lucifer responded lightly. “You are better at controlling your wings. We will continue after breakfast.” Dean turned to him in time to see Lucifer smirk and fluff out.

They stayed as they were for a moment, waiting for the residual tension to seep out. “Your wings must be soaked,” Dean thought out loud. 

Cas nodded with a faraway look. “Are you done with the shower?”

“Yeah, I'm done.” Cas opened his wings so Dean could turn off the water and reach for a towel. He started drying off but was distracted by Cas who had opened his wings completely. As Dean watched, Cas fluffed and rustled his feathers, snapping them to get as much water off as possible before refolding them on his back.

“Sam is almost here,” Cas warned, slipping into his robe. Dean took the hint and covered up as well.

“Hey guys, I'm not interrupting anything am I?” Sam said sleepily, running his hands through his messy hair.

“No, we're done. Lucifer is here.” Dean tightened the tie on his robe.

“Shit. He told me he'd stay out of our heads.” Sam's forehead creased in concern. “You guys ok? Did he do anything?”

Cas shook his head. “Not really. Nothing terrible. Dean is going to make waffles for breakfast,” Cas added to change the subject.

“Cool. I'll be there in a bit, need to condition my hair you know,” Sam teased, tossing his hair back with his hand.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah. We'll be in the kitchen.” He was going to add some snarky comment when Sam dropped his robe, giving them an eyeful of his backside. Dean simply grabbed Cas' hand and led him out of the room in a huff.

*

After they were both dressed, they went to the kitchen to find Lucifer patiently waiting at the table. “Do you have anything better to do?” Dean demanded. Lucifer just sat back and shook his head. “Cas, want to grab the milk and eggs,” Dean asked the angel glued to his side.

Cas nodded, staying near Dean, helping him with breakfast. When the first batch were done Dean turned in time to see Sam kissing Lucifer. “Really? Really.” He dropped the syrup and butter on the table.

“Right. Like you two never make out anywhere but your bedroom,” Sam laughed. He shifted to allow Lucifer to play with his hair. 

Rather than answer, Dean poured more batter into the iron, trying to work around Cas.

After coffee was made, waffles eaten, and dishes cleaned, Lucifer asked if Cas was finally ready to begin. Cas reluctantly nodded. “Outside we go, then.” Cas took Dean's hand as Lucifer laid one hand on Sam and the other on Cas. In a flash they were all in the field above the bunker.

“Castiel, come here.” Lucifer dropped his hands and moved several feet away.

Cas turned to Dean first to hug him. “Thank you for being here,” he murmured into Dean's shoulder. 

“Anytime, sorry I made a fuss earlier.” Dean pulled back to kiss Cas, long and steady, until Lucifer sighed mightily. “Love you,” he said before letting him go to Lucifer.

Dean and Sam watched the two angels run through a series of wing extensions. “Sam? How is nobody going to notice two angels in a field showing off their wings?”

Sam laughed lightly. “No doubt Lucifer has a spell around us or something. Invisibility maybe? Or maybe people see them and immediately forget about it,” Sam reasoned.

“Like the Silence on Doctor Who?” 

“The what on what?” Sam looked confused.

“The Silence. On Doctor Who.” Sam didn't look any less confused. “Doctor Who is a TV show that was on Netflix. Cas, well, you know.” Dean shrugged. “So, did the soundproofing sigil in my room work?” Dean wiggled his eyebrows at Sam.

“Why- never mind.” Sam held up his hands. “It must have if you need to ask. Is that why you are walking...differently?” he teased.

Dean gave him a smile and half-shrug. They turned their attention back to the angels. Lucifer was trying to get Cas to fly but Cas was having trouble getting off the ground.

“Hey Dean. About the other day,” Sam started.

“Sammy. Leave it,” Dean warned.

“No. Dean, I haven't seen you that bad in a while. The mirrors were destroyed in the workout room.” Sam waited for any kind of response. Dean's jaw clenched but that was it. “Fine. I just hope it was ok that I sent Cas to get you to stop when you wouldn't listen to me.”

Dean chewed on that for a while, watching Cas get a foot or two off the ground. “Yeah, it was ok,” he barely spit out. “Cas...helped.” Dean pretended to scratch his hip so he could press on the bruise Cas left.

“Good,” Sam said quietly, watching his brother closely. “You know, you can talk to me if you need to. About anything.” 

“Yeah yeah.” Dean said dismissively. He watched as Cas tried to get off the ground again, trench coat flapping in the breeze. Lucifer was not giving Cas much time to rest in between attempts. “It's just been stressful lately.” _What I feel for Cas is too big, I can't hold it. I keep waiting to see what else I'll fuck up. Or when I will hurt Cas next,_ he thought. “Everything is too much,” he said out loud to the ground. 

Sam watched his brother avoid watching Cas fail at flying. “Maybe we should take a break from hunting for a while,” he offered. “I want to digitize all the reference material in the bunker anyway.”

Dean's head snapped up. “All the stuff?! Do you know how much stuff that is or how long that will take?” Dean shook his head slightly at the sheer size of the task.

“Yeah. There's a lot of it. Charlie can help with designing the database or website or whatever. Then it's just a matter of creating .pdf copies of the books.”

“Yeah but,” Dean hesitated. It would take a while. A long while. And it would be like sorting or organizing stuff. “Sounds like a lot of work. You sure you want to do that?” Dean's mind was already turning over how to start, which books to select, what the database should have, how much they could get done, and on and on.

“Yeah. Yeah Dean I do.” Sam looked back over at Castiel and Lucifer. “You could help. So could Cas.” Sam's face crinkled in concern. “He looks tired,” Sam indicated Cas with his chin.

Dean pulled his full attention back to Cas. _He looks so drained already, why is Lucifer pushing him so hard?_ “You two almost done?” He called out loudly.

Lucifer gave a dismissive wave to the brothers. Dean watched as Lucifer suddenly grabbed Cas and flew high into the air. “Sammy,” Dean said in a small, tight voice. “What-” he couldn't continue. When the tiny dot was almost invisible, it split in two. Dean craned his neck and watched, horrified, as Cas plunged to the ground.

Vaguely, Dean felt a hand grab his shoulder. “He'll be ok, he will, he'll be ok,” Sam chanted quietly.

They watched as Cas tried to right himself. His wings flapped uselessly as he got stuck in a tailspin. Dean held his breath. _You can do it Cas,_ he prayed. But he was approaching the ground much too quickly. Out of nowhere Lucifer swooped in, capturing Cas about twenty feet off the ground.

Dean could see Lucifer talking to Cas but couldn't hear anything. They hovered in the air for a few minutes, then up they went again. Dean held his breath as the two angels became tiny dots again. “Cas...” he whispered, not knowing how to finish the sentence. He felt Sam's hand tighten on his shoulder.

“He'll be ok,” Sam repeated.

Cas plunged to the ground again, this time preventing the tailspin. Dean exhaled when Cas got control of his wings, hovering for a beat before flapping hard enough to rise. “Oh thank god,” Dean almost buckled with relief. They watched Cas fly upwards in a large spiral, back up to Lucifer high in the air. “He's beautiful,” Dean murmured, forgetting for a second that his brother was standing next to him to witness his chick-flick moment.

“Yeah, he is,” Sam stated, smiling a little at the blush creeping up Dean's neck. 

Dean watched in awe as Lucifer put Cas through a series of flight patterns, never allowing him to get below around 50 feet off the ground. At one point it looked like they were going to collide, hard, but Cas managed to turn sharply. He became more and more nimble as Lucifer chased him across the sky, ducking and swooping around like they were on an obstacle course.

“I should probably warn you...” Sam started, eyeing the angels coming in for a landing. “Flying can make them...” Sam paused, making eye contact with Lucifer.

“What Sammy? Spit it out.” Dean watched Lucifer land delicately while Cas skidded slightly. As soon as Cas was fully on the ground he snapped his wings and marched over to Dean, eyes flashing bright blue with grace.

“Dean,” Cas' throaty voice carried across the small distance. Without taking his eyes off Dean, he loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. “How sore are you.” It wasn't a question. Cas closed the distance, placing one hand on Dean's hip, raising an eyebrow. “My grace can assist if necessary.”

Dean barely registered Sam's muffled moan next to him, then a whoosh of air as Lucifer winked out with his brother, leaving Cas and Dean alone in the field. Dean pushed his pelvis against Cas to demonstrate where the majority of his blood was flowing. “Don't know if you will need to use your grace,” he challenged.

Cas growled low in his throat before grabbing the back of Dean's head and forcing their mouths together.


	18. Flying While Visible = Horny Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After flying around to strengthen his wings, Cas finds himself extremely horny. Dean discovers new and sexy things about Cas' wings.

In the field above the bunker, Dean's hands immediately slid under Cas' coats to grip the back of his shirt as his pelvis pushed against Cas'. He wanted Cas to keep kissing him like this, like his tongue was specifically designed for the inside of Dean's mouth. Cas' hand on Dean's hip clenched briefly before skating down to cup Dean's ass while Cas' other hand twined his fingers into Dean's short hair and tugged slightly. Dean surprised himself at the needy whimper that vibrated in his throat at what Cas was doing, although it seemed to excite Cas if his fluttering wings were any indication.

Cas started rolling his hips against Dean's while his hands squeezed and clenched at him. “Dean...Dean....need you...” Cas gasped as he tore his mouth away only to find the spots on Dean's neck that made Dean's knees weak. Cas' wings started snapping and flapping, like Cas was having a difficult time controlling them. The light inside was already pulsing, a sign Dean had come to learn meant Cas was rapidly approaching his orgasm. Dean remembered Sam's brief comment about what flying sometimes did to the angels. _It must be something about flying while still visible, not like winking in and out of a room,_ Dean thought vaguely, deciding that increased libido was a good side effect.

A breeze picked up, ruffling Cas' trench coat gently, reminding Dean quite thoroughly that they were still outside. On the surface of his mind he understood the warding was still in place to hide them, but deep inside he felt far too exposed to really enjoy what Cas was doing. “Need me?” Dean teased gently, enjoying Cas' mouth all over his neck. “Need me to what, play with your feathers?” Dean slipped his hands out of Cas' coats so he could thumb the underside of the top ridge of Cas' wings, knowing how sensitive that spot was.

Cas buckled at what Dean's hands were doing. “Dean...” he breathed, hot and wet on Dean's neck.

“Hmmmm...” Dean questioned, taking a feather in each hand and stroking them with the tips of his fingers. 

“Need....Dean....please...” Cas begged, panting into Dean's neck. Cas adjusted his legs so he was straddling Dean's thigh, where he started to actively grind when Dean lifted his leg ever so slightly.

“Need what Angel? Need your wings in my mouth?” Dean's right hand gripped the wing ridge and started sliding his hand along the edge. Cas anticipated what Dean was doing and brought the tip of the wing within reach. Dean hesitated for only a second before taking the tip in his mouth and sucking.

Cas thrust into the crease where Dean's hip met his leg while gripping Dean tighter. The loud moaning told Dean that Cas was extremely close...so he let the wing tip fall from his mouth, leaving it soaked and dripping. “Want more?” Dean gave a throaty chuckle while straightening his leg. Cas made a mewling noise of assent, clamouring for more friction. “Then we go inside. To our bed. Where I can properly suck you,” Dean promised while licking Cas' ear.

Cas whined loudly, clearly wanting a finish right now. “Inside,” he groaned as he brought the wing tip close to Dean's mouth again. “Please....” he begged, letting the feathers ghost across Dean's wet lips. 

Dean pulled away from Cas' ear so he could look him in the eye. He watched Cas' irises flash with grace as he opened his mouth to receive the feathers. When he closed his mouth he sucked loosely and gently, rolling his tongue along the feathers, letting his eyelids flutter to half mast, not looking away from Cas. Dean watched as Cas' mouth dropped open in a silent cry just before Cas ducked his head down on Dean's shoulder. With a flutter Cas teleported them...to the kitchen.

The unoccupied wing thrashed about, clearing all the surfaces within reach as they tried to gain some balance as Cas bungled the landing into the room. Cas was still gripping Dean's hair and butt, pulling him closer to try to grind against him. Dean moaned around the feathers in his mouth, one hand wrapped around Cas' waist for stability while the other hand buried itself into the feathers just over Cas' shoulder. Cas found his voice as they stumbled around the kitchen, calling out Dean's name.

“Missed,” Dean mumbled around a mouthful of wing, “not the bedroom.” They managed to get some balance, Cas thrusting Dean against the fridge door. Cas grabbed Dean's hips with his hands to prepare for the next teleport, just as Dean leaned in to kiss Cas, feathers still in his mouth. Cas screamed into Dean's mouth as Dean poked the feathers with his tongue, forcing them into Cas' mouth too. Dean felt the world drop away again to find they reappeared in the common area, crashing into something on the couch as Cas botched the landing again.

That 'something' turned out to be a giant wing. Lucifer had created a pod around him and Sam on the couch while they watched TV, both their heads poking up from the top of the wing pod. Dean barely registered his brother's shocked face as Sam took in what Dean was doing with the wing tangling between the two tongues. Cas' other wing flapped around, knocking over a reading lamp and scattering throw pillows everywhere.

“That's obscene,” Lucifer observed with interest, sitting up slightly. Dean didn't have time to react. Cas teleported them again, this time reappearing in the hallway outside Dean's bedroom with a landing that was only slightly better. They both crashed into the wall, Dean releasing his hold to fumble for the doorknob while still sucking at the feathers between their mouths. Finally finding it, Dean flung the door open, Cas pushing them both in until Dean landed on his back on the bed, Cas right on top of him.

“Clothes,” Dean gasped, plucking at Cas' shirt, letting the feathers dangle from his mouth. In a flash they were both naked, Dean sending a silent prayer of thanks for angel mojo. 

Cas hovered just over top of Dean, almost like he was trying to calm himself down. Dean took the opportunity to run his cupped hands over the ridge line again in soothing, long strokes...adding pressure with each pass. While Cas stared down at Dean, grace barely visible in the blue ring around his huge pupils, Dean let one hand run the entire length of the wing. Cas helped, raising his trembling wing to keep it within Dean's reach. Cas' panting began to stutter as Dean turned his head, exposing his neck, as he took a clump of the feathers at the wing tip in his hand and slid the bundle into his waiting mouth. Treating Cas' wing like he would Cas' cock, Dean hollowed his cheeks and sucked, tongue swirling wherever it could. Dean moaned loudly around his mouthful as he caressed the underside of the wing ridge with his other hand.

Cas fell apart. He dropped himself down onto Dean, writhing his hips around, unable to set a steady pace. His hands scrambled over Dean, looking for a good resting place while he ground his cock on Dean's. Dean felt Cas' open, wet mouth start to suck at his neck but after a second all Cas could do was ramble on in broken Enochian. Cas' hands gripped where they lay, one on Dean's side the other on his shoulder, as he stiffened up. Dean gave the wings extra pressure as he felt Cas explode between them, screaming Dean's name. Dean barely remembered in time to close his eyes against the blinding light from the wings as Cas rode out his orgasm.

As Cas rutted on Dean, milking out every last bit of his finish, Dean held his own orgasm back. He released the wings as Cas slowed down a bit, petting the inside feathers softly to help Cas calm down. “Cas,” Dean groaned. Cas' mess between them was acting like lube, making it very difficult for Dean to not finish. “Is it like before? You have another one?” A part of Dean desperately wanted Cas to say 'no', that he was done so Dean could let himself go and finish. Another part was hoping there was more so he could get Cas inside of him.

Cas moaned into Dean's neck, already sucking and nipping at the pulse point. “More....Dean....need to....come again....” Cas brought one hand to Dean's nipple and pinched. Dean had to force Cas' hips off of him in order not to finish. 

“Inside me,” Dean whispered. “Get me ready,” he begged, slipping his hands off Cas' hips and plunging them back into the wings. Instead of petting, he wiggled his fingers until they were probing the complex webbing at the base of the feathers. 

Cas yelled and curled in on himself, gripping Dean tight enough to leave bruises. _“DEAN,”_ he bellowed as his eyes slid shut and his hips stuttered, rutting back onto Dean. 

Dean kept pushing his fingertips into Cas' wings, moving his fingers wide and narrow against the feather base. He tilted his head to suck and lick at Cas' neck while Cas drove into Dean's hips frantically with his own. Cas let out a string of Enochian near Dean's ear and Dean's hands suddenly felt slick in the wings. “Cas...” Dean pulled away from Cas' neck, trying to look at his hands over Cas' shoulder. “What...” he didn't even know what to ask. He took his hands from Cas' wings, noting the slippery substance was warm.

“Oil....wing oil....normal....” Cas moaned, grinding himself against Dean. “...please don't stop....” he whimpered when Dean didn't continue.

Dean stared at his hands covered in wing oil. They were shiny, slick, and warm. There seemed to be an aroma as well – something sweet and musky at the same time, very much like the taste of Cas. He squished his hands deep into Cas' wings again to get more oil, making Cas create the most sinful noises Dean had ever heard. Dean took his hands away and brought them to his face. Cas whined at the loss of contact with the wings as he pushed himself up so he could look at Dean.

Very slowly, knowing Cas was watching, Dean slid a finger in his mouth to taste the oil, eyes fluttering shut at how good it tasted. Dean let his mouth remain slack while his fingers and tongue slid around each other, liking off as much oil as he could. He opened his eyes to see Cas staring hungrily down at him, so he did the only thing he could think of: he slid his other sticky hand over Cas' lips.

Cas' eyes rolled back in his head as his mouth accepted Dean's fingers. Cas moved his mouth around Dean's fingers, licking and sucking up the oil. Dean watched the light in Cas' wings pulse faster and got his eyes closed just in time. Cas' orgasm rolled through him, soaking their bellies again, mouth dripping around Dean's fingers.

“That is so hot,” Dean rushed as he opened his eyes again, breathing to control his own orgasm. Cas had not let go of his fingers. Dean could feel Cas' silky tongue sliding around and watched the moisture drip from Cas' pink lips. Cas started making little breathy sounds as Dean positioned his hand so Cas was licking his palm. It was too much, Dean had been hovering too long. He felt his balls pull up and his cock thicken. “Cas,” Dean begged around his fingers, “don't let me come Cas, please, stop me, please Cas, please.”

Dean felt a slim finger dance across his forehead and the urge to finish was shoved away. Weak with relief, Dean asked the only thing that had been on his mind since he discovered Cas' wings had oil, “Cas, can we use the wing oil as lube?”

Cas paused long enough to look Dean in the eye like he was the most wicked man in creation. “Oh yes....yes we can....” Cas reached behind himself to collect some oil. 

Dean stopped him. “Here, let me,” he whispered, kissing Cas as he thrust his hands deep into the feathers again, feeling Cas melt against him at the sensation. When his hands were good and soaked he pulled them out of the wings and broke off the kiss. “Sit up,” he commanded. 

Cas instantly obeyed, flipping them so that Cas was up against the headboard while Dean straddled him, come dripping down their torsos. Dean rewarded Cas by taking Cas' hand between his and slicking it up with the oil. “Open me,” he demanded in a low voice, moving Cas' soaked hand between his legs. Dean lifted himself up off Cas slightly so Cas could get his hand where it needed to be. Cas immediately breached the entrance with one slim finger, making Dean grip Cas' shoulders and moan with delight. The oil felt different than lube. It was warmer and somehow tingled wherever Cas rubbed. In no time at all Cas was adding a finger, scissoring them around, causing the oil to tingle and Dean's cock to weep. Dean's hands slid on Cas' shoulders from the residual oil. He gave up trying to get a better grip. Instead he hooked his arms around Cas' neck and let his hips roll onto Cas' fingers while he tried to kiss Cas.

The kisses ended up sloppy, Cas' wings pulsing fast again. “Ready? Dean please....ready?” Cas pleaded. Dean nodded so Cas dropped his hand to his own cock to coat it in oil, wings stiffening as Cas staved off his orgasm. 

“Ok....I got you....come on...” Dean positioned himself over Cas' cock, letting the head punch in. Dean cried out at the sensation of Cas' hot, hard cock slowly pushing up into him, the oil making if feel like extra nerves were created so he could feel every vein, every pore, every pulse of blood in Cas' cock. Once he was fully seated on Cas he paused for a breath. The look of absolute awe on Cas' face almost did him in. He felt Cas' hands tremor as they rested on his hips like he was trying very hard not to grab Dean and slam into him like a toy. “Do whatever you want,” Dean ordered and felt Cas thicken inside him, “but bring a wing close and don't let me come,” he decided.

Cas immediately brought a wing closer for Dean, who opened his mouth and wrapped his lips around as much of the ridge as he could, swirling his tongue on the sensitive underside. With a roar Cas got up onto his knees, Dean automatically wrapping his legs around Cas. The hands on Dean's hips dug in as Cas pulled out only to pound back into Dean with force that shocked Dean. From there Cas set a brutal pace, holding Dean in place as he pummelled Dean while Dean's mouth sucked and licked at the wing ridge. He tasted the light before he saw it – oddly sweet – pulsing so fast it was almost a solid glow. The oil in the wings warmed up and began to drip down Cas' feathers. 

Even though Cas was thrusting hard, it was as if he was going in slow motion for Dean. He felt every drag of Cas' cock inside him, every pulse, every time the head widened the path for the shaft, every time Dean's body tensed around Cas. 

The light grew to blinding again, Dean closing his eyes in ecstasy, swallowing oil as it poured from the wings, dripping down his chin as Cas shot deep inside Dean. Cas let Dean get to the edge of his orgasm but didn't let him fall over, his grace stopping the flood. While Dean was grateful he also wanted to ride that high forever – Cas buried inside him, sweet wing oil coating his mouth, his cock screaming for release.

Spent, Cas toppled forward, catching himself at the last second so he wouldn't crush Dean. In the process Cas' wing got knocked out of Dean's mouth, making Dean whine slightly. The movement also caused Cas to very rudely exit Dean, which Dean hissed through. Gentler would have been good, but the burn was good too.

He let Cas lay on him and breathe for a moment before snaking out from under him. “Dean?” Cas questioned when Dean lay a hand on his shoulder.

“You stay on your belly. My turn, now move your wing...please,” Dean murmured. Cas dutifully lifted his wing so Dean could duck under and sit up on the back of Cas' thighs. “Cas,” Dean hesitated, one hand palming Cas' beautiful butt cheek.

“Hmmmmmm?” Cas sang.

“Can I...can I be inside you?” Dean held his breath. Now that he said it out loud he realized how much he wanted it.

Cas groaned and rolled his hips down into the bed. “Yes please....use the oil,” Cas growled while clutching the blankets.

Dean's cock wept with relief that Cas was on board. “Let me come this time,” was the last thing he said before wetting his lips so he could suck at lick at the seam where Cas' wing met his back. He felt Cas arch up into him and heard the strangled cry of want as he moved his mouth up and down the tender seam. When he was done with one side, he paused, then plunged his mouth down on the other side. Cas writhed under Dean, grinding his pelvis down into the bed for maximum friction. Dean took his tongue and prodded the wing where the upper ridge met the seam, eliciting sweet porny sounds from Cas. While he mouthed that little area, Dean moved his hands and buried them deep into the feathers, soaking them with oil. 

Cas was alternating between shoving his cock into the bed and thrusting his hips up for Dean to finger his hole. Dean finally rewarded Cas, not taking his mouth from where he was sucking, and slipped his slippery finger around Cas' entrance. Dean had to stop sucking and put his head on Cas' back as he moved his finger inside Cas. “So hot....Cas....so good....” Dean praised, voice barely above a whisper. The oil warmed in his hand and he felt Cas open for him, so he slid in another finger, practically coming at the sounds Cas was making. Dean lifted his head and realized Cas had stopped rutting and was just thrusting back onto Dean's hand asking for more. So Dean gave him more. Three fingers in and Cas was begging Dean for his cock. Cas raised himself on his knees, hips angled back, chest against the bed, cock dripping between his legs. Dean swirled his fingers around and found it, that lovely bundle of nerves. Cas' wings tensed, light pulsing strongly. He was roaring something in Enochian while gripping the sheets like he'd fly away otherwise. Just to make things last a little longer, Dean played with Cas' prostate, trying to learn if he liked it rough or gentle. 

Dean couldn't stand it much longer. Cas felt fantastic around his fingers, Dean's cock kept brushing against Cas as Dean leaned forward to suck at the wings. “Ready?” Dean asked in a shaky voice, hand already sliding around his cock. The oil made his cock feel divine. Enough that he was worried he wouldn't make it it before blowing his load. He vaguely heard Cas beg for him to get inside so he lined up the head of his cock to Cas' entrance. A burst of precome burbled out when Dean looked down at his shiny cock nestled between Cas' cheeks. Very slowly he slid himself in, not wanting to hurt Cas. The heat and snugness of Cas caught Dean off guard and his orgasm rushed to the forefront. “Shit,” he uttered through clenched teeth. He felt Cas' grace fight it, leaving Dean on the edge. “Tell me when I can move,” Dean whimpered, collapsing slightly onto Cas' back, head lolling on Cas' spine, hips grinding into Cas.

“Now. Dean move. _NOW,_ ” Cas raged. Dean rolled his head and got his mouth to where the seam separated from the top ridge of the wing. As he pulled out of Cas, he plunged his mouth on the spot, sucking steady and firm. He matched thrusting his cock with the sucking of his mouth, barely able to hold on. His hands moved under Cas' wings so he could use his thumbs on the seams farthest from Cas' spine. Dean became aware that the keening noise in the room was him, overstimulated from how fantastic Cas was at clenching himself around Dean's cock on each thrust. The wing oil started dripping again, getting sweeter. Dean felt Cas' grace slither away, leaving his orgasm teetering on the edge.

 _“Deeeaaannn,”_ Cas moaned as he clamped down on Dean with his orgasm, coming so hard Dean could hear it hitting the blanket. At this point Dean couldn't stop his own finish either. With a scream he poured into Cas, trying to bury his dick as far inside of his angel as he could. He kept trying to suck at the wing crease while thumbing the seam as the final pulses pushed through him, feeling Cas shudder with every stroke. After all the aftershocks subsided, Cas lowered his bottom half back to the bed. Dean rolled into him as much as he could, drunk with joy, casually liking the oil off the feathers closest to him. After a while he opened his eyes to see Cas' wings glittering with oil. The little white freckles seemed to dance in the deep blue feathers, light a steady glow beaming up through the beads of oil.

They lay tangled, Cas on his belly, wings spread wide and limp, Dean draped on Cas' back, both sighing softly, rolling gently. Dean closed his eyes again and let his mind fly away so he could float on the waves of pleasure. After some time, a noise brought Dean down from whatever cloud he seemed to be on.

“Guys?” Sam's voice was gentle but insistent. “Guys. You left your door open.” His voice was closer.

Dean reluctantly opened his eyes to see his brother crouching near the bed, Lucifer behind him. “Sammy,” he warned, but he couldn't summon the energy to be really angry. If Sam wanted to see him naked, so be it.

“Dean. Sit up. Drink this,” Sam tugged at Dean's shoulder. Dean let out a groan of impatience as he tried to get himself moderately upright. He felt more than saw a towel or something being draped across his pelvis. When he was mostly off of Cas and three quarters up he felt Sam's strong arm wrap around his torso. Sam placed the tip of a juice bottle on his lips. Dean took the plastic bottle tip in his mouth and with one suck discovered it was Gatorade. Next he found he was sucking it back like he had been in the desert for weeks.

“Luci, clean them,” Sam ordered. When nothing happened right away, he heard Sam's threat of not putting his mouth anywhere near his wings. Suddenly they were clean and wearing sleep pants. “Sheets too,” Sam ordered. There was a heavy sigh and nice, warm, cozy sheets beneath them.

“Sammy...” Dean began, not even trying to struggle away from Sam's strong arm.

“I know. We will pretend like this never happened,” Sam vowed. “Close your door next time. And keep water or something on your bedside table.” 

“They will sleep now. For a long time,” Lucifer predicted. He gently assisted a very drunk looking Cas in turning himself around so he was lying in the bed properly. “Beautiful wings tiny brother,” he complimented as his eyes raked over the glowing feathers that had a healthy sheen of oil. Sam carefully lowered Dean on the bed next to Cas, where Cas and Dean tangled themselves up in each other, Cas' outstretched wing blanketing them.

Dean vaguely heard Sam set the Gatorade on the end table and leave, closing the door on his way out. When they were alone again Cas leaned over to kiss Dean, slowly and tenderly. Dean returned as much as he could before slipping into sleep. They slept the rest of the day away and right through the night.


	19. Dean Learns Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean learns he has a new kink, wing sex ensues. Mostly just porn.

Dean woke with the fierce need to pee. Having no idea what time it was, or even what day it was, Dean listened for any sounds in the bunker. The only one of any importance was coming from right next to him; Cas' soft, even breathing as he slept. As much as Dean wanted to simply lay in Cas' arms, he really, REALLY needed to get out of bed. 

Slipping out from under Cas' wing was easy enough. Cas didn't even stir. Dean stood up, noting that the pants he was wearing were actually Cas', and that's when the events before sleeping crashed through him.

They had amazing sex. Mind blowing, Earth shattering, fantastic sex. It was what happened afterwords that gave Dean a shiver. He grabbed a shirt from the floor and tugged it over his head as he remembered Sam helping him drink the Gatorade and Lucifer cleaning them up. Dean rushed to the bathroom in a cloud of shame for his brother seeing him so fucked out that he couldn't even hold the bottle to his own mouth to drink. It didn't even bother him that Sam did that for him, not really, it was that he _liked_ it. 

As Dean stood in the bathroom waiting for his bladder to get the message that it was safe to empty itself, Dean remembered that Sam said they wouldn't ever talk about it. Yep, he could handle that. Almost groaning with relief at his bladder relaxing, Dean tried to put the whole thing behind him. It was weird, but over. A small eternity later he flushed, washed his hands, and made it back to his room, making sure to shut the door this time. No need to have Sam poking his head in again.

“D'n?” came a sleepy voice when he crawled into bed.

“Had to pee,” he whispered, gently snuggling back under Cas' wing, Cas still on his side, Dean on his back next to him. Cas slid his arm around Dean's torso again, pausing at the fabric that wasn't there before. He sat up slightly, pulling at Dean's shirt. Dean looked and saw Cas' furrowed brow. “I wanted a shirt,” he defended.

Cas simply nodded but still looked confused. “Is something bothering you, Dean?” Cas asked, voice barely audible.

Dean fidgeted for a moment, deciding to rest his hand on top of Cas' so he would stop playing with the fabric. “Kinda....I'm a bit weirded out by Sam....when he....” Dean felt himself blushing furiously. “Never mind. I'm tired, sleep time, ok?” Dean resolutely closed his eyes, trying to force himself to sleep.

Cas lay quiet for a while, Dean knowing full well he wasn't asleep either. Eventually, Cas kissed Dean's forehead and whispered, “it's ok to let other people take care of you, Dean.” With a slight shift, Cas got an arm and a wing under Dean, who was almost instantly pliant in the hammock of Cas' wing. He curled his knees up slightly and let them fall against Cas, folded his arms loosely over his belly, and dropped his head down so he was slightly under Cas' chin, feeling wonderfully protected and safe. And incredibly thirsty. He sighed lightly and prepared to roll over to grab the bottle of Gatorade Sam had left behind.

“Are you thirsty?” Cas murmured, arm tightening around him, not letting him move.

Dean's heart pounded for reasons he couldn't quite name. “Yeah,” he nodded, staring at the smooth skin of Cas' chest. He felt Cas sit up slightly and reach, then come back. Dean lifted his head and saw Cas holding the bottle. He went to reach for it with 'thanks' on his lips, but Cas pulled it away. Dean brought his eyes to Cas', silently asking what was going on. Cas was simply looking at him, his features soft with tenderness. Cas pulled himself up a tiny bit, elevating Dean's torso in the process. Dean started to hold himself up, until he saw Cas arch one eyebrow at him. Very slowly, Dean let Cas' strong arm and wing bear his full weight. He felt Cas re-adjust the wing a little, then bring the tip of the bottle to Dean's lips as if it was a baby bottle. Since the tip had that non-drip opening, it needed Dean's suction to release the fluid. 

Dean hesitated, watching Cas' expression for ridicule or humour. Finding only affection looking back at him, Dean opened his lips and accepted the tip of the bottle in his mouth. He saw Cas' pupils dilate slightly, and when he took the first tentative sip, Cas' lips parted with a tiny huff followed by a sharp intake. Dean struggled with his breath as he tried not show he was becoming aroused. He squirmed slightly as he took another sip.

“Shhh....shhhh...” Cas soothed, leaning in to kiss Dean's forehead again. “So good for me, drink up...shhhh,” Cas alternated between kissing and speaking softly in Dean's hair. Dean relaxed immediately into Cas and took another sip of the bottle. Dean's world sharpened its focus down to Cas' little words of praise, his light kisses, the feeling of the juice filling his mouth and slipping down his throat...and the storm gathering in his lower belly. 

Dean whimpered as he felt himself get rock hard in record time, squirming a little in embarrassment. _What kind of sick freak am I?_ He chided himself, sipping from the bottle. He heard Cas shushing him again, soothing him with light kisses, and he slowly relaxed again. He let his erection strain against his pants while he drank a little more. All he could feel was Cas' warmth enveloping him, his wings cradling Dean like he was tiny, and how every nerve was begging for him to touch himself. 

Without thinking, Dean raised one trembling hand and rested it gently on Cas' holding the bottle. He felt Cas turn his head away, rest a cheek on Dean's hair, and moan softly. When Cas got a hold of himself he turned back to kiss Dean's forehead, their eyes meeting for a beat. Dean let out a little whimper around the bottle when he saw Cas' eyes glittering with desire. Dean had to stop drinking while he controlled his breathing. When he felt like he wasn't going to accidentally inhale the Gatorade, Dean suckled at the tip some more. 

“So....so good....for me...Dean....such a....good....boy,” Cas panted, valiantly attempting to hide his own arousal. 

Dean whined at the sight of Cas trying to keep control. He couldn't help it, his hand floated down to rest on top of his erection. Dean let out a little moan at the sensation of his heated cock pressing up into his palm as he opened his legs slightly. _Maybe Cas won't notice me playing with myself,_ he thought fleetingly, hoping the wing on top of them hid his movements. The hand resting on Cas' tightened slightly when Cas praised him some more, his other hand warming his cock, his mouth sucking at the bottle. He felt the arm under him tense slightly, and the hand at his side clench briefly as Cas told him again how good he was being.

For a flash, Dean let himself go completely. He let himself feel the guilt of being aroused while being praised as he drank from the bottle Cas was holding. Part of him wanted this feeling to last forever; his warm hand on his cock making it throb pleasantly, giving himself over completely to Cas, having to do nothing except relax and drink his juice. He tried to only take little sips so it could last as long as possible. Before long, he noticed Cas was rocking him slightly with his wing. Dean couldn't help the whimpers and moans he was making with each sip.

Cas, in turn, was breathing heavily, having to pause frequently to catch his breath. When Dean's thumb traced the part of Cas' hand it could reach, Cas whimpered and buried his cheek in Dean's hair. Dean felt his nipples stiffen and his balls tighten. He closed his eyes for a moment, lifted his hand off his cock slightly, and let his lips go lax around the bottle while he calmed down a little.

Cas noticed he stopped drinking and moved the bottle side to side to encourage him to drink again. “....be good....Dean....drink.....show me....how good....you are....” Cas panted as his thumb started making circles on Dean's side, encouraging Dean to continue.

Dean let out a low whimper and sucked at the bottle some more. He very slowly moved his hand under the waistband of his pants, cock straining for his touch. Rather than give in, he crept his hand in the trimmed nest of hair at the base, teasing himself. Every time Cas would plant a kiss on his forehead or hair, Dean would mewl around the bottle. When he couldn't stand it any more he let his fingers dance over his shaft just enough to spark his nerves but not nearly enough to orgasm. 

Dean felt the world fall away. He felt safe and protected in Cas' embrace. He didn't have a single thing on his mind except how good his hand felt between his legs, how Cas' wings felt surrounding him, how Cas' kisses warmed his forehead, and how strong Cas' arm was that held him up. With one last suck off the bottle he emptied it, a shiver of disappointment coursing through him.

Cas carefully pulled the empty bottle from Dean's lips, Dean's hand fluttering down to his chest. “Such a....good boy....” Cas panted. “Doing so....well....” he paused to shift his hips a bit. He kissed Dean's forehead again and leaned over to set the bottle on the nightstand. Dean reacted on instinct, turning his head into Cas' chest to find his nipple. As soon as his lips found it, they tightened and he started sucking, swirling it with his tongue. Cas gasped, clutching the sheets with one hand and pulling Dean closer with the other. 

“Dean....oh Dean.....” Cas moaned as he grabbed Dean's hip and turned Dean toward him. Dean didn't pull his hand away from his cock in time. There was no way Cas couldn't feel Dean's hand in his pants slowly moving over is weeping cock. He felt Cas wedge his leg in between Dean's and push up, giving Dean something to grind on. Dean let go of Cas' nipple to groan, tongue darting out to flick the little nub. Cas pressed his own arousal against Dean with a soft cry. “So good....for me....” Cas breathed. “Do you...want....me....to help...with this...” Cas gasped, slipping his hand in between them, resting over Dean's pants to cup Dean's hand.

“.... _ohhh_....yes....please Cas....” Dean moaned, thrusting his hips up into his palm and reaching for Cas with his other hand.

“No,” Cas moved his hand to catch Dean's. “Let me...just....” Cas had to pause. Dean felt him shift slightly. Cas let go of Dean's hand and tugged his own pants off. “My wings will...touch you....only skin...” Cas brought his lips to Dean's and gave him a deep kiss.

When he broke off Dean was panting hard. He looked at Cas as he let go of his cock and pulled his shirt off, tossing it to the floor. Immediately Cas' top wing slid between them and started to caress the bare skin. “Cas...” Dean gasped, “...any bare.... _oh!_ ” Cas' wing found Dean's nipples. It swished over the hardened nubs while Dean grabbed his own hair to stop from clutching onto Cas, who was busy mouthing the front of Dean's throat. “....pants....please Cas..... _please_....” Dean begged. A second later he felt Cas' long fingers in the waistband of his pants, pulling down. Dean helped as much as he could, kicking them down past his knees and off onto the bed. The wing from below pulled up, molding itself to Dean's body, probing the cleft of his butt. “Cas!” Dean shouted as his legs opened. He tried to grab at Cas again but Cas was having none of that.

Cas stopped Dean's hands. “Dean....let it....happen....” Cas rolled his hips down to push himself into his wing. “....if you.....relax....will....be better....” With a growl he lifted himself up, pulling his arm from under Dean. He interlaced his fingers with Dean's and pinned them to the mattress above Dean's head, straddling Dean without resting on him. His wing fluttered between them, cushioning them both, stroking them both. “.... _aahhhhh_.....let the....wings....do.....the work.....” Cas dropped his head on his arm.

For Dean it felt like thousands of soft-but-firm fingers were sliding all over his body, pressing on Dean's most sensitive parts. They slid up his back, between his legs, around his cock, over his nipples. He had no idea the space where his inner thigh met the cradle of his pelvis was so sensitive until the feathers caressed there. As they moved around, it's like they learned where Dean liked more pressure and where he liked less. When a small group of oily feathers slid inside him he couldn't take it and tried to thrust back.

“....relax....trust me...” came Cas' strangled voice next to his ear. 

“Cas! They....your feath- _oh!_....inside me.....” Dean tried to say in a breathy voice.

“...me....too....insi- _aaahhooohh_....” Cas thrust his hips forward, dragging his cock on the feathers above Dean. Cas re-positioned himself so Dean could let his knees fall open, allowing the feathers better access. Dean took a few deep breaths and tried to just go limp. As soon as he did the feathers encircled his cock and balls, stroking with a twist, pressing his cock on Cas'. He felt pressure and saw Cas was resting some of his weight on the feather pile on Dean.

The feathers inside him found his prostate and started to massage it, oil heating up and creating sparks where the feathers touched him. He could feel the tingly path of the wing oil sliding across his nipples at the same time, as well as coating his cock. “ _Caaaaass...._ ” Dean moaned, practically floating with euphoria. “...gonna.....Cas...I can't.... _CAS_....” Dean tried to hold himself back without tensing up too much. Every time he tensed the feathers would back off, when he relaxed they continued.

“Oh _yes!_ ” Cas pleaded, “come....in my wings....Dean.... _come_ for me....don't fight it...” Cas moved his head so he was gently licking Dean's ear. “...in my _wings_...” he whispered.

That was all the encouragement Dean needed. He commanded his body to be pliant as he felt the first wave of his orgasm rush to the surface. The roar that erupted from his throat was not something he was expecting but it he didn't bother stopping it. The feathers pulled his cock, stroked his prostate, and pinched his nipples with each pulse. It was as if the feathers were milking the orgasm out of him instead of him having to punch it out. Before Dean was finished spilling huge amounts into Cas' wing, Cas started soaking him from above, his come dripping through the feathers onto Dean. “....you're so....good for....me....good.....” Cas praised as he emptied himself.

Very gradually, as the orgasm ran its course, Dean felt the feathers backing off so they wouldn't overstimulate him. He simply lay there and let it happen, feeling Cas put his full body weight down and release his hands as well. It took longer for Cas to get control of his breathing, so Dean brought his hands down and stroked Cas' shoulders and arms to help calm him.

“That was intense,” Cas mewled, rutting gently into the wing between them.

Dean made a noise of assent, far too exhausted to try to form words into coherent sentences. 

“Dean....” Cas ventured, “can we....stay like this for the rest of the night?” he asked shyly. Dean agreed, already slipping into sleep.

~

Something woke Dean. As he shook off sleep he felt it was Cas rolling into the wing between them. Dean ducked his head to see Cas was still asleep, soft smile on his face, panting slightly. Instead of waking him, he watched Cas' face as he brought himself to orgasm while dreaming, coming into the wing between them. Dean felt his cock stiffen again, feathers starting to work at him again. Dean punched out a gasp as he pushed up into Cas, trying to seek his own release without waking his boyfriend. When he felt the feathers, trapped between their chests, rhythmically pinching his nipples while stroking his cock he let out a small cry and came into the mess. The feathers then stroked the rest of his muscles until he relaxed, letting sleep take him again.

~

Dean woke feeling itchy and sticky. Unpleasantly sticky. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he put the events of the last while back together in his head. “Hey Cas,” Dean nudged the sleeping angel sprawled half on top of him, wing tucked between them. “Morning, time to get up.”

Cas grunted something and simply shifted. The shifting caused the sticky feathers to drag on Dean's skin.

“Cas. Up. C'mon.” Dean pushed harder on Cas. “I'm sticky. Need a shower.”

The grunt was louder this time, and a little less patient. “Tired.”

“I'll make coffee. But I need a shower. Like right now Cas,” Dean plucked at the wing to try to unstick himself.

“Coffee?” Cas mumbled, finally lifting his bedhead up. “Sticky,” he commented as he fumbled around to stretch his wings.

“Yes, that's what I've been saying,” Dean laughed, shifting himself to let Cas pull his wings out from under him and between them.

With a sigh, Cas cleaned them both and his wings. 

“Love your angel mojo, but an actual shower would have been fine,” Dean smiled. Cas gave a half-smile in return. “Want some coffee,” Dean asked as he leaned in to kiss Cas' mussed hair.

“Coffee. Yes. Lots. Now?” Cas rubbed his eyes then stretched his body out fully. Dean watched as Cas then arched his back and stretched his wings wide. 

Dean stared openly until Cas tucked his wings behind him, finally sitting up. “Ok, toss me some pants and a shirt-” suddenly Dean was wearing clothes. He huffed a laugh. “Too impatient to wait for me to dress?” he teased.

“Coffee,” Cas reminded Dean firmly, fully dressed in his usual outfit. Cas pulled himself off the bed and held a hand out to Dean, which Dean took immediately.

“Um, Cas?” Dean hesitated. Cas grumbled, scratching adorably at his hair. “The things we did, um, they're, uh...”

“Private,” Cas finished. His features softened as he met Dean's eyes. “It's only between us. I can keep it a secret.” 

Dean sagged with relief. Cas pulled him into a tight hug and with a jolt they were in the kitchen. “Coffee,” he commanded.

Dean laughed into Cas' neck. “Yeah, all right Mr. Impatient Boyfriend. Fill the carafe, I'll get it ready.” Cas broke off, grabbed the carafe and went to the sink. Dean watched him, heart filling with joy, before tending to the filter and coffee grounds.


	20. Dean Gets a Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean spoke out of turn, now Castiel must teach him a lesson. No smut in this chapter, sorry :)

“All right, coffee's brewing,” Dean announced to Cas who was already approaching the pot with a mug. “You have to wait Cas,” he teased gently. Cas grumbled something unintelligible as Dean moved to lean on the counter.

“Hey guys,” Sam chirped as he came into the kitchen. “Had breakfast yet?” He grabbed a mug and went to the coffeemaker. Cas looked at Sam like he would smite him if he disrupted the brewing. Sam raised his eyebrows at Cas. He set his mug down as he backed off, going over to Dean. “What's up?” he asked Dean quietly.

“Grumpy this morning, dunno why,” Dean kept his voice low. _Please don't let it be because of all the things we did,_ Dean prayed. “We haven't eaten yet. Any ideas?”

Sam poked his head around in the fridge. “We need to go shopping again...but we have some sausages and some fruit salad. And a few eggs.” Sam brought them out and set them on the counter. 

“Want to help Cas?” Dean asked as cheerfully as he could, cracking the eggs into a bowl.

Cas barely waited for the coffeemaker to finish before he was pouring himself a cup. Once he added sugar and a bit of milk he finally gave a shake of his head. He sat at the table, wings twitching slightly, hands around his warm mug.

“Cas, are you all right?” Dean asked, hands frozen in place while he watched Cas' wings.

“Yes. No. My wings ache.” Cas grouched.

“Probably from keeping them out so long,” Lucifer suggested, appearing suddenly behind Cas. “And possibly from misusing them.” He gently pulled on Cas' wing.

“'Misusing?' Do we need to itemize the things you've done with yours?” Cas responded coldly.

Lucifer's hand faltered. “No. We do not. Extend your wings so I may check them.” Cas took his time sipping his coffee before relaxing his wings, opening them for inspection.

“So...you guys...with wings...” Dean murmured to his brother as he nodded over at Lucifer.

Sam's face turned pinkish. “Well, after you and Cas crashed through the place. I mean, I hadn't thought to put them in my mouth.” It took a minute, but Sam met Dean's gaze.

Dean let out a low laugh. “And in your....” his eyes glanced down at his brother's backside and flicked back up to his face. Sam turned a bit redder. 

“Yeah. Man. The oil. It's.....something else,” Sam breathed, eyebrows shooting up. He turned toward the counter to pop some fruit in his mouth. 

“No shit. The way it ting-” Dean froze when he noticed the two angels staring at him. The hard, steely look on Cas' face told Dean he'd said something profoundly wrong. He found himself pressing into Sam slightly, who'd turned back and gone rigid next to him for the same reasons.

For a second, the only sound was Sam audibly swallowing the fruit. Cas broke the silence with a frighteningly flat voice, “Dean. That was private.”

It felt like the floor fell away from Dean's feet. He gripped the counter behind him just as Sam moved slightly in front of Dean's arm.

“You should have considered that when you flaunted it in front of Sam and I,” Lucifer said mildly, going back to examining Cas' wings.

Cas' eyebrow arched in acknowledgement. Dean felt a shiver of relief zip through him. Lucifer was right, but so was Cas. What they did was private and he shouldn't have spoken to Sam about it without talking to Cas first. Dean busied himself with breakfast while he watched Cas with one eye. 

Sam managed to get around the two angels and get his own coffee, offering some to Dean as well, who gratefully accepted.

“Your wings look excellent, Castiel,” Lucifer finally said after checking his wings thoroughly. “You may put them away now. How is your grace? Did you figure out what is missing?”

Cas rolled his shoulders and his wings disappeared. Dean felt a pang of loss at not being able to see them, he'd been getting used to having them out. But the look of relief on Cas' face was enough to keep Dean from complaining.

“It seems I still need sleep. And occasionally food,” Cas admitted with a frown.

“Well. It can't be helped now. That might correct itself over time. Or not. Either way, it seems you won't be needing my help any longer.” Lucifer left Cas to sip his coffee, coming over to Sam and Dean at the counter. 

“Hey, uh, Lucifer,” Dean croaked. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Thanks for, uh, helping Cas. Really. Thanks.” Lucifer nodded to Dean in acknowledgement, then cupped Sam's face in his hands.

Dean decided he didn't really need to actually see Sam say goodbye to Lucifer, so he brought all the food over to the table, as well as plates and cutlery. “Want some, Cas?” he asked softly, sitting down next to him.

Cas simply nodded, taking a plate and putting food on it. Dean took half of what was left, leaving some for Sam, who slid into a seat across from them. Dean took a moment to look around but didn't see Lucifer anywhere.

“Can I hope that Lucifer won't be back? Ever?” Dean asked hopefully.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Probably. How're you doing Cas?” Sam piled food on a plate and dug in.

“Better, thank you. I hadn't been aware that having my wings visible would cause such discomfort.” Cas chewed thoughtfully, turning slightly to look at Dean. “Sam. Why don't you prepare a list. Dean and I can go shopping today.”

Dean's head snapped up. “Yeah, uh, that'd be good.” Something about the way Cas was looking at him was making him feel a bit uneasy. He ended up pushing his plate away without finishing his breakfast.

Sam moved his eyes between the two of them. “Sure. I need to talk to Charlie about setting up a database anyway. It would be better without being interrupted. You going to finish your eggs, Dean?”

“No I'm good.” Dean drained his coffee while Sam snagged the eggs.

Dean washed the dishes while Cas had more coffee and Sam wrote out a shopping list. Dean took the list and stuffed it in his pocket. “Ready to go, Cas?” he asked, trying to tamp down his nerves.

Cas nodded. He put his empty cup in the sink and followed Dean to the garage. When they were in the car and out of the bunker, Dean finally asked if everything was ok.

Cas took a moment to consider. “Yes. I don't like you sharing personal details, but I understand that you and Sam are...unusually close.”

Dean shifted in his seat a bit. “Yeah...um...sorry about that. I really didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I didn't know that doing stuff with your wings was...uh....”

“Frowned upon?”

Dean blushed. “Yeah. That.” He took a deep breath, hoping to put it all behind them.

“There is a store I'd like to visit. Turn here,” Cas instructed.

“Ok. Where are we going?” Dean asked absently, making the turn.

“You will see when we get there. Turn right at the next set of lights please.”

Dean glanced at Cas, who looked as cool and composed as always. He followed Cas' instructions and found he was parked in front of a store. A store that sold sex toys. 

Dean's thoughts crashed against each other in his head, creating a tangle that he couldn't completely undo. “So our sex life isn't enough for you, Cas?” he tried to joke. 

“Stoplight,” was his only response.

“Um....what?” Dean fidgeted in the driver's seat, casting quick glances at the store's front door and frosted windows.

“Stoplight. I have been doing some reading. Some of the things we have been doing have echoes of a Dominant and submissive nature. When engaging in this type of activity, a safe word is needed. Do you know why?”

“Um. Yeah....in case things get too intense?” Dean tried to assemble his thoughts in some kind of coherent order. “Like...if one of us wants to stop or something.”

“Yes. The submissive is always in control. Always. You like it when I provide you with instructions or orders, sexually and otherwise. If you feel the need to slow down or stop, you use the safe word and I will stop. Immediately. It is part of building a safe and consensual experience.” Cas reached over and placed his hand on top of Dean's.

Dean immediately relaxed at the touch. “So...stoplight?”

“Yes. As in colours. So if everything is good and I ask your colour, you say 'green'. If you need to slow down a bit and regroup, then 'yellow'. If you need to stop completely, then 'red'. Do you understand?” Cas gave Dean's hand a little squeeze.

Dean exhaled a breath he didn't know he was holding and nodded. “Doesn't the submissive usually pick the save word?” Dean started to fidget with Cas' fingers.

“Usually. Do you want a different system or word? I selected this system so that I can ask your colour throughout the experience. But I am more than willing to use whatever words you prefer.” Cas' fingers gently stroked Dean's, calming his nervous tics.

Dean considered his options carefully and found he was more comfortable with it all than he would have thought. “No. It's good. But....I can tell you a colour even if you don't ask?”

“Absolutely. As a matter of fact, I will need you to. As soon as you feel you need to slow down or stop you must tell me.” Cas waited for Dean to ask anything else. When he didn't, Cas asked, “Dean. What is your colour right now?”

“Y-yellow,” he choked, twisting his fingers in Cas'.

“What do you need?” Cas' voice was tender, his eyes focused on Dean.

“Wh-why are we h-here? I kn-know I don't have any....um...experience with m-men but I thought you liked...I mean...toys? What...” Dean flung his eyes around the front of the store and tried to keep the wave of inadequacy from taking over.

“Dean. Look at me.” Cas paused until Dean met his eyes. “Breathe with me,” Cas inhaled and exhaled slowly until Dean's breathing matched his. “I love everything we do.” Dean felt tears of relief prick at his eyes. “We are here as a kind of punishment. You explicitly asked me not to reveal the things we did in private, and then you discussed some of those things with Sam without my consent.”

Dean swallowed thickly. “'m sorry,” he mumbled. But at the same time as admitting he was wrong, he kind of wanted the punishment. Cause and effect. Consequences. He wanted to show Cas that he could take his punishment, show Cas that he can be good. “I can be good,” he said out loud.

“Yes, you can. You are good.” Cas squeezed his hand again. “Will you be good for me in the store?”

“Yes,” Dean answered without hesitation.

“Thank you. I know you are uncomfortable with even going inside, which is why this is a punishment for you. So I want you to remember some things, ok?” Cas waited until Dean nodded. “First, everyone else in the store is doing what we will be doing, looking at sexual aids. So they will not judge you for being inside the store. Second, there is no shame in looking at or buying things that you might like to try. And third, we will not buy anything that the other person does not want. Can you repeat those three things for me?”

“Um...there's no judgment. It's, uh, ok to um, like something I see. And um...we won't um, force each other to, uh, try something?” Dean looked over at Cas and saw his boyfriend beaming at him. Suddenly it was easier to breathe and his shoulders didn't feel like he was wearing them as earrings.

“Excellent. See? You are already showing me how good you are. I'm proud of you. What's your colour now?” he asked gently.

“Green,” Dean said, realizing he was feeling more curious than nervous at the moment. 

Cas nodded and let go of his hand. “Let's go inside then.” Cas opened his door and got out, Dean following closely behind. 

All the curiosity fled and nervousness poured back in when they entered the store. There was just so much stuff. Toys everywhere, lingerie, some kind of wedge thing with a mannequin on it, DVDs, leather stuff that he couldn't identify, and that was just what his mind registered. The rest was lost in a sea of shapes and colours. He felt Cas discreetly take his hand, which helped his breathing return to somewhere closer to normal. 

A woman approached them, Dean flicked his eyes over her without really seeing her. Suddenly the floor pattern was very interesting to him. “Welcome,” she said in a soft voice. “Just so you know, the items on the right are primarily for men. The left hand side is mostly women's items. But some are interchangeable, those are more in the middle of the store. If you have any questions, please ask. Ok?”

“Thank you,” Cas said warmly, again squeezing Dean's hand in reassurance.

Dean only vaguely noticed her leave. He raised his eyes enough to see the DVD stand and felt some relief. Porn he could deal with. Porn was easy. It was all the other stuff that was just weird to him. He heard a giggle off to his left and without thinking he turned his head to see where it came from. Over near the vibrators was a man and a woman holding several options. She was giggling at the way one of them moved in her hand. _Ok, vibrators_. He'd dated several women that owned them. Some even wanted to use them on him but he'd always refused. _Ok, not too weird,_ he thought as he started to get a bit more comfortable. He hadn't realized it, but Cas had pulled him over to the men's area and was standing in front of a wall of Fleshlights.

Dean immediately blushed as he took in the wide range of styles. He let his eyes roam over the different shapes and suddenly choked. Completely forgetting where he was, Dean picked up a blue Fleshlight. “Alien?! What...” He turned it over in his hand, trying to find the appeal. It was very blue, and from the cutout design on the label he could see the texture would be interesting.

“What's that?” Cas asked. “Why is it blue?”

“Well, I think it's sort of like....did you see the movie 'Avatar'?” Dean leaned closer to Cas so he wouldn't be overheard.

“Yes. With the big blue -oh!” Cas let out a little laugh. “So your penis would go in here,” Cas pointed to the tip. “Is this something you would like to try?”

“No! I mean, not really. Not my thing. I think I wouldn't last with something like this. Maybe. I don't know. It's weird. There's different kinds. Like a mouth. Or lips. But I don't know. It's. Like. Odd?” Dean realized he was babbling and set the Fleshlight down. 

“Maybe something over here?” Cas moved them down the wall a bit where there was a truly amazing selection of butt plugs. Every size, colour, shape, and texture imaginable. 

“Someone must have put a lot of thought into this,” Dean mused as he took in the selection. “Like, who would think you could get them with little nubbie things on it or that wide?” Dean pointed discreetly to them. 

“I wouldn't suggest trying a large one on your sub. Not if it's his first,” came a husky voice out of nowhere.

Dean snapped his head around to see a large, hairy man wearing a red plaid redneck-style jacket over a black t-shirt and jeans. He was the exact opposite of anything Dean would have conceived of as a Dom, if he'd ever given himself time to think about it. Next to him was a similar man with a really impressive beard and bald head. For some reason, Dean immediately dropped his eyes and tilted his head down slightly. 

“Good sub you've got there,” hairy man commented. Dean felt a burst of pride and tried to remain still and relaxed for Cas.

“Do you have any suggestions?” Cas asked Hairy.

“There's a couple of trainer packs here,” Dean could hear something being removed from the pegboard. “These are good quality. Good silicone, dishwasher safe. Nice shape.” Dean barely listened to the rest of the conversation. He could feel the embarrassment beginning to coil in his belly. Out of the blue he found himself wanting to bury his head in Cas' coats and press his body against Cas in an effort to be invisible. Dean sensed more than saw the space open up beside him, the pair of men apparently had left.

“Dean?” Cas said softly to Dean's ear. “Colour?”

Dean took a few deep breaths. “Y-yell-no g-gre-en um,” 

“What is it? Can you tell me?” Cas' voice felt good in Dean's ear. Deep and reassuring.

“Just a bit f-freaked out.”

“Why?”

Dean squirmed for a moment, studying Cas' shoes. “I liked when he said. Um. The thing. About. Me,” he tried.

“Can you be more clear for me?” Cas ducked his head to meet Dean's eyes.

Dean tried to avoid Cas' beautiful blue eyes but found the concern comforting. _He cares, he wants me to be ok,_ he thought. So he took a breath and looked at Cas. “When he said I was a good sub. I liked that. I like being good for you.”

“Thank you for telling me. You are good for me. Why did it freak you out?”

Dean felt his discomfort melt away at Cas' compliment. “'cause....I never thought...I mean....I always thought subs were...weak?”

Cas nodded. “Have you done any research on it? Or been involved in it before us?”

“Well no I just- ok. Yeah. Fine. I don't know where the idea came from,” he admitted. 

“Dean. I love you. You are one of the strongest men I know, and I have watched a lot of humanity. None of this makes you weak. It makes you strong to admit you like it.”

Dean felt the blush creep back in. “Cas,” he said, hearing the combination of embarrassment and warning in his own voice. One arched eyebrow from Cas was enough to make him change tack. “Are you going to buy those?” Dean indicated the package of plugs in Cas' hand.

“Yes. I would like to. Do you have any objection?” Dean shook his head 'no'. “Come. Let's see what's over here.” Cas led Dean away from the plugs down the wall to some cock rings and vibrators. 

Cas let go of Dean's hand so he could take things off the pegs to have a closer look. _I just want to leave,_ Dean thought. _Like, now._ He knew that Cas would keep him in the store until he was good and ready to leave. Part of the punishment, he figured. He looked around the store and saw that nobody was paying them any attention. There were some people milling around, some singles, some couples, one threesome of men. _Huh, Cas was right. Nobody cares what anyone else is looking at._ Thinking maybe it wasn't so bad, Dean wandered a little away from Cas to a table of lingerie. _I thought all the girly stuff was on the other side,_ he thought then saw the sign reading 'Men's Lingerie'. _Seriously?_ Dean let his mind wander back, way back, when Rhonda made him try on her panties. He remembered how satiny they were. They felt kinda nice. But they pinched him unpleasantly. _Probably because they weren't meant to house dicks,_ he thought. _I wonder if these-_

“Dean?” Cas' voice sent Dean flying through the roof in shock. He dropped the panties he was looking at like they were possessed and spun to face Cas.

Cas simply stared at Dean for a moment before saying, “choose three pairs. Make sure you get your size.”

Shame flooded Dean from his hair right down to his toes. He couldn't even be completely sure what was shameful. Panties? That Cas caught him looking? That in his deepest, darkest closeted thoughts he imagined the slide of satin on him? That he deliberately stole a girl's panties and masturbated until he was raw once? That he didn't want Cas to see him as anything less than the manly hunter that he met?

“Dean.” Cas' voice came from far away. “Look at me Dean.”

It took a minute to focus his eyes and blink back the tears. “Yellow,” he whispered, wondering briefly why he didn't say 'red'. 

“Dean,” Cas' voice was closer and softer. “Breathe with me.” Dean did as he was told, the world slowly coming back to him. “Tell me what's wrong.”

“I don't know,” he squeaked. 

“Do you remember the three things we discussed in the car?” Cas stepped closer and took Dean's hand.

Dean struggled to remember. “That....nobody cares....and....it's ok to like something....and....and no forcing.”

“Excellent. You are doing very well. Take a deep breath for me.” Dean did and felt immediately better, but not anywhere near ok. “Now look over at the till and tell me what you see.”

He did as instructed, neck creaking as he turned. “The big hairy guy is buying stuff.”

“What is he buying?”

Dean felt like his eyes were going to pop out of his head. “Panties,” he whispered, “and the biggest dildo I have ever seen. And I don't even know what that purple thing is.”

“It's a prostate stimulator. When he leaves this store, do you think anyone would know what is in that bag?” Cas nodded to the plain, black bag the clerk had opened up.

Realization dawned on him. He could buy literally anything and the only people that would know would be him, the clerk, and the strangers in the store. And if he timed it just right, there wouldn't be anyone else in the store at the time of purchase. “Oh,” he said in a tiny voice. _I can do this. Cas won't make fun of me,_ he thought. Very slowly he turned back to the display table. 

“Tell me your colour first,” Cas rumbled, soft and supportive.

“Green,” Dean breathed. “Cas...could you. Just. Stay right here. Not leave. Just. Um.”

“Yes.” Cas agreed as he pressed a little closer to Dean, creating a man-sized barrier between him and the rest of the store.

Dean's eyes skittered over the selections, at first all he saw was colours and patterns. Very slowly he noticed there were piles of panties sorted by colour and style. Then he noticed a blue pair that resembled Cas' eyes. They were all satin with a tiny white bow sewn on the waistband in the front. He surreptitiously checked the size and moved them so they were on the table directly in front of him. Having gotten over the first hurdle, he was able to actually pick up a lacy pair. The lace felt scratchy in his fingers so he set them aside. A flash of red caught his eye so pulled out a pair with lace trim but primarily satin. He set them gently on top of the blue pair, noticing Cas placing an apple green satiny pair on top.

“I might like them too,” was all Cas had to say on the subject.

Dean resumed his search, knowing he had one left to choose. He let his fingertips graze the small piles of soft fabric, letting out a tiny gasp when he found soft lace. They were the colour of fresh cream and lace all over, but the lace was different than the scratchy one he'd found. These felt amazing between his fingers and made the mistake of wondering what they'd feel like between his jeans and his skin. Suddenly there was a part of him that was standing up, taking a clear interest in the shopping. “Dammit,” Dean muttered, scanning the area to see if anyone noticed how bulgy the front of his jeans were looking.

To Dean's shock, Cas turned slightly and pressed his own erection against Dean's hip. “It's ok Dean, nobody is paying us any attention,” he informed Dean in a throaty voice. Cas moved back a bit. He saw the cream coloured lacy panties and fingered them, making a noise of approval. He reached over and found the same lacy pair in pale pink and added them to the pile. “Dean. We are done here. Please take these selections and follow me to the till.”

Dean wasn't completely sure he could actually do that. One look into Cas' kind eyes and he scooped the panties up and followed his boyfriend to the mercifully empty counter. He dropped them on top of the butt plug pack that Cas had chosen and reached for his wallet. The clerk was swift and businesslike, informing them of the 'no returns' policy on the items they'd chosen. It occurred to Dean that she probably has seen a lot stranger than two men buying butt plugs and panties. His cheeks didn't stop flaming though, even when they were both seated in the car.

Before Dean could turn the key, Cas stopped him. “Do you understand your punishment?” Dean nodded. “Explain it to me then,” Cas ordered. “When I have a satisfactory explanation, then you may start the car and this will be over.”

Dean took a moment to compose his thoughts, dropping his hand away from the key in the ignition, staring at his lap. “I told Sam about what we did with your wings. I should have talked to you about it first to see if it was something that you would want to keep private. Like when we...with the Gatorade...um....so you took me here. So I could see that there was nothing wrong with what we did, but the world doesn't need to know. Like the store is ok, there's nothing wrong with it, but nobody needs to know what we bought. Or that we were even inside.” He looked at Cas, who was beaming with pride.

“Yes, Dean exactly right. You have learned your lesson, I think. Now. Why don't we get the things on Sam's list so we can get home. I would like to try on some of the things we bought.” Cas rested one hand on Dean's thigh and indicated he could start the car.

There was a heartbeat where Dean almost leaned into Cas for a kiss. Then he remembered he was sitting in a very visible car, in public, in front of a sex store. _Someday,_ he thought, squeezing Cas' hand. _Someday._ He turned the key and off they went to the grocery store.


	21. Panties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas bought some men's lingerie, Dean wants to try it out :)

Baby slid into her spot almost as if she knew the way. The back seat was practically bursting with bags from the grocery store. Dean even bought every leafy green item Sam had requested, plus a few. Cas had searched recipes on his phone for some pies for Dean to bake, so those ingredients were included as well. And among all the white plastic bags was one black bag. From the _other_ store. That black bag seemed to take up more and more space the closer and closer they got to the bunker.

“Hey Cas....” Dean started, unsure really what he was about to ask. He turned the car off and sat staring out the windshield. 

“Would you like me to put the black bag in your room?” Cas asked with a raised eyebrow.

Dean nodded, blushing slightly. “Please,” he managed to utter just as Cas vanished. 

By the time he reappeared, Dean had the rear door open and was staring at the contents. He absently wondered if it would be too much to ask for Cas to just mojo the bags to the kitchen instead of manually carrying them. _I've already asked for enough,_ he thought as he reached in and started loading up his arms. Between him and Cas they (barely) managed to do it in one trip. When they stumbled into the kitchen, Dean called out for his brother as loudly as possible. Dammed if he was going to put all this shit away himself.

Surprisingly, Sam didn't mind. He even thanked Dean and Cas for getting everything he'd asked for. In between emptying bags, Sam explained his plans to digitize the entire library in the bunker, and how Charlie had helped set up the database and website. Private website though, Sam assured Dean, no need to give strangers access to all the information.

Dean was barely listening, nodding where needed, making the right noises when asked. His attention kept turning back to the black bag. They didn't buy much, but Dean could not get the idea of the panties out of his head. _Would they feel satiny? How would they fit? What about the lacy ones? Would the air slip through the mesh? How would Cas look in the blue satin pair?_ That last thought made Dean have to grip the countertop briefly and wish his growing problem to go away. And the plugs. Dean had never had anything other than fingers and Cas up there, what would a plug feel like? Again, Dean had to control his breathing and pay closer attention to whatever Sam was babbling about.

“Will you make chili for dinner?” Cas asked sweetly, holding up some beef they'd bought.

“Yeah. Sure. Chili. I can do that. Yeah.” Dean pulled out the slow cooker while Sam and Cas put the stuff away. As he browned the beef he did his absolute best to push all the naughty thoughts out of his head. He was mostly successful. By the time the chili was mixed and warming in the slow cooker, he'd almost been able to clear his thoughts. The chubby he was sporting refused to leave, though.

For the rest of the day Cas and Sam took the lead on figuring out the digitization process, Dean helping where he could. He elected himself to man the phones they'd set up as an homage to Bobby's system, which was badly needed for the last few years. So many hunters posing as so many officials and needing verbal confirmation created a need that Dean didn't mind filling. Hunting was great for exercise and to keep up on the nastiness of the world, but Dean and Sam were starting to feel a bit too old to be flung about by some monster. And the Wayward Daughters were developing under Jody and Donna's wings. Dean had a soft spot for them and wanted to help without interfering, and he liked to see the softness of Cas' face when he talked about Claire and keeping her safe while standing back to let her be her own person. So he could be an information source, absolutely, today it was mostly so he didn't have to strain to keep conversation going with images of Cas' cock all satiny in his head.

Throughout the day he kept trying to sneak off to try the panties on, but Cas intercepted him every single time. _It's like Cas is doing it on purpose,_ Dean thought after a while. And he suspected that if he actually told Cas what he was doing then Cas would stand aside and leave him alone. But he didn't think he could actually say the words out loud, so he stopped trying after a while. 

Eventually they had their chili and beer, Dean still having trouble keeping his chub from growing to full size. Sam suggested a movie night to wind the evening down, Dean went along with it thinking it would distract him from himself. It really didn't work. He had no idea what they were all watching. At one point he realized he was so distracted that he hadn't noticed Cas pull him closer so they were almost cuddling on the couch with Sam right there. As soon as Dean noticed he stiffened up, not sure if he was ready to outright _cuddle_ on the couch in public. Ok, in front of only Sam, but still. Public. Cas just gave him a squeeze and pulled him closer, so Dean tried to let his muscles relax into he cuddle, grudgingly admitting to himself that it felt really nice to just be in Cas' embrace without sex. 

Just when Dean was starting to finally relax, the movie came to an end. Sam said he was off to bed so he could be well rested for his morning run, leaving Cas and Dean on the couch. “Bed?” Dean asked, turning his head so he could see Cas.

“Sounds good,” Cas smiled. Dean extricated himself, instantly missing the warmth of his boyfriend. He tended to what Cas lovingly called his 'human needs' in the bathroom, found his comfiest boxers, and slipped into bed where Cas had been warming the sheets. By that time, Dean had almost forgotten about the panty issue. Almost.

The instant that Dean had settled down into his memory foam, Cas rolled into him, planting his hand on Dean's left side, his thumb dangerously close to his nipple, which hardened instantly. “Hey there, boyfriend,” Dean murmured as he felt Cas' body lean into his. Dean tipped his head up, guessing where Cas' mouth was in the dark. He got it right, melting into a warm kiss while his left hand slid up Cas' right arm, over his shoulder, and into that wonderful mop of hair. His other arm was mostly trapped under Cas' body until Cas shifted so he was propped up on his elbow, allowing Dean's right arm to snake around to slide over the muscles on his back. For a while they barely moved, Cas' thumb pressing slightly almost-but-not-quite grazing Dean's nipple, Dean's hand cupping Cas' head while his other hand made lazy strokes over Cas' hard back muscles, mouths firm but gentle. Dean could not get over how good Cas' lips felt on his, how Cas seemed to know exactly what to do with his tongue to have Dean moaning softly and breathing faster.

Before he knew it, he was gently bucking his hips up, searching for any kind of friction on his lazy erection. Every time Cas' hand offered a tiny bit more pressure near his nipple he let out a small whine into Cas' mouth, breath huffing out through his nose. He shifted a little under Cas, who was maddeningly not progressing things past kissing, and felt his underwear tighten further. Suddenly he had an image of soft, silky panties sliding over his pelvis. He immediately pressed his hips down into the bed and brought his knees up slightly at the thought, grunting into the kiss.

Cas broke away from the kiss long enough to murmur, “something you want?” against Dean's mouth. Dean felt Cas' hot mouth work away at his jaw, moving south to his neck. 

Dean squirmed a little, partly to try to get some attention on the iron rod in his underwear, partly because he really did not want to say anything out loud. He stalled by trying to get his mouth on any part of Cas but Cas had managed to position himself so that it wasn't possible.

“Tell you what,” Cas rumbled in Dean's neck, “you can have anything you want, but you have to ask for it, or take it.” He stopped licking and moved his head close enough so Dean could kiss him, if he wanted.

Dean fidgeted a bit under Cas, twisting his fingers in Cas' hair and rolling his pelvis to feel the fabric stretch over him. _Screw it,_ he thought as he pulled Cas down for another deep kiss, _I'll just try them on another day._ He moved his other hand to Cas' hip and pressed firmly, indicating for Cas to roll right on top of him. Cas got the message quickly, Dean opened his legs and Cas settled in between them, bracketing Dean's head with his forearms. Dean pushed up into Cas, letting him know rutting would be more than ok. Again, Cas caught on very fast. He rolled his hips down into Dean, who could now clearly feel Cas' excitement. Dean trailed his hands up and down Cas' sides, pausing occasionally to grip and squeeze at his shoulder or hip. _Can you imagine how good this would feel in panties?_ his brain teased. Dean had to break off the kiss to gasp for air as he felt a burst of precome soak his boxers. Both hands immediately went to Cas' behind, stilling him for a moment while he tried to catch his breath. “Cas,” he said, barely audible, “I want....” His throat choked off the words as his thighs squeezed Cas.

Cas' chest heaved along with Dean's. He leaned down to Dean's ear, “anything,” he whispered, his tongue trailing a hot path on the outer shell of his ear.

Dean bucked up into Cas again. “Cas...” _just say it_ “will you....” _SAY IT_ “fuck!” He nibbled at Cas' neck and shoulder, grateful for the darkness. He started sucking a hickey where he could reach, swirling his tongue to make Cas moan. _Goddammit, take a goddamn breath and tell him what the fuck you want,_ his brain chided. “Cas....” he swallowed thickly as Cas sucked his earlobe. He could feel Cas making tiny rutting movements against him, causing the wetness on the front of his boxers to spread. His fingers gripped Cas tight on his sides as he pressed his chest up into Cas, giving his nipples some much needed attention. Before he could stop himself, he blurted “Iwannatryonthepantieswebought” and squeezed his eyes shut to wait for the laugh. He buried his head in Cas' shoulder and was shocked to hear Cas' low moan near his ear. 

“Oh _yes_ Dean,” Cas moaned, dragging his pelvis on Dean's for emphasis. “May I put them on you, or would you rather put them on yourself?”

“You...I hadn't even thought....you....want you to,” Dean babbled, releasing Cas from his hold. “Satiny ones....the blue....ok?” Dean whispered as he felt Cas lift off and grab the waistband of his boxers. Cas slid them off of Dean, getting off the bed to get them past his feet. Dean heard Cas shimmy out of his as well. While he waited for Cas he reached over and turned the lamp on the lowest setting. “I want to see,” he offered although Cas hadn't challenged him. Dean took note of which drawer Cas had put them in and watched as he pulled out the blue pair and the green satiny pair. Before coming back to the bed, Cas stepped into the green ones, gasping slightly when he tucked himself inside them.

“Oh Dean,” he breathed, squeezing and stroking himself through the panties, “these feel.... _oh!_....so soft....and....slippery.” Dean lay on the bed transfixed at the sight of Cas' hand roaming between his legs, creating a small wet spot on the front. The green satin glowed slightly in the low light in between Cas' slender fingers. He watched as Cas massaged himself, almost like he was trying to show off the outline of his cock to Dean. A whimper escaped Dean as he saw Cas' tummy clench just as a burst of precome bloomed on the front. Cas' slim fingers went down to cup his balls and press on his base as he held still for a moment.

“Cas,” he whispered, desperate to feel it as well. He watched as Cas put one hand on the bed as the other started slipping around the front again. “Cas please,” he begged lightly.

“Dean...feels so....good...” Cas breathed. His eyes opened half way to look at Dean, his hand still gripping himself. Just as Dean was about to reach out and grab Cas, Cas took his hand away from himself, planted it on the bed, and breathed deeply. Dean stared at the bulge in the front of the green panties, mouth watering at the sight. 

“Be good for me,” Cas sort of asked as he threaded Dean's feet through the leg holes and slid the silky blue panties up Dean's legs. When he got to Dean's hips he didn't need to ask, Dean simply raised his pelvis up so Cas could dress him properly. Dean couldn't stop the small gasp as Cas arranged him in his panties and then sat back on the bed.

It felt unbelievable. So much better than Rhonda's way back when. These didn't pinch or bunch up, they just rested on his body. Dean rubbed his hips back and forth on the bed just to feel how slippery they were on his ass and was shocked at how the little motion made them pull across the front. His erection strained in them but stayed contained instead of spilling out obscenely. He closed his eyes and brought his hands to his hips, smoothing his palms over the sides. He moaned with pleasure when his hands slid over the front, dragging across his cock, making it twitch and bounce. With a small grunt he let one hand slide between his legs as he drew his legs up, feeling the satin on his balls and perineum. Gasping for breath he pushed one finger to his hole and discovered with a shock that there was a split in the back of his pair. _Oh god Cas can fuck me without taking them off,_ he thought as he pressed one finger in dry while slowly moving his other hand all around the front. His hips bucked gently as he rocked back on his hand, thinking of how good it would feel if it was Cas' hands instead of his. He pushed his feet down on the bed and let his knees splay out while he bit his lip and wished he had a third hand for his nipples. Dean could feel his back arching as he started gathering momentum with his finger and hand. When his knee knocked against Cas he suddenly remembered he wasn't alone in the room.

He felt the heat creep in his face and neck when he realized he was giving Cas a show. “Cas,” he called softly as he opened his eyes. The sight of Cas kneeling near the foot of the bed, palming himself through his panties, eyes dark with lust, nearly threw Dean over the edge. He yanked his own hands away and grabbed at the sheets, leaving his legs where they were. “Come back,” he whispered through his heaving chest.

Cas moved incredibly fast, fitting himself in the cradle of Dean's hips, hands on either side of Dean's head. The first touch of them sliding over each other made Dean cry out and grip the sheet harder. Cas waited, pelvis pressed against him, poised for Dean's next request. Very slowly, Dean canted his hips up, pushing against Cas and moaning long and low, silently asking for him to get back to grinding. Cas dropped himself down to press as much of his body against Dean as he could as he began to rut against him. Dean took the opportunity to run one hands over Cas' ass, feeling how it moved under the satin with every grind. 

Dean realized he was getting louder, calling out nonsense words into Cas' shoulder. He badly wanted to kiss him but couldn't figure out the mechanics of it so he hooked his feet around Cas' legs and tipped his hips for maximum friction. At some point he managed the words 'kiss' and 'chest', Cas obeying immediately by putting his hot mouth back on Dean's and one hand massaging his pectoral, swiping the nipple often. Dean was only vaguely aware that Cas' other hand was buried in his hair, dragging his nails over Dean's scalp. 

Cas pulled his mouth off to moan “going to come if we keep this up. You want to come like this?” He punctuated his words with a particularly filthy hip roll, grunting and moaning on Dean's lips.

“Want you to fuck me,” Dean gasped, all sense of shame having flown out the window. “Want you inside me so bad. Wanna feel your hot cock pounding me.” Cas pulled himself off long enough to grab the lube on the nightstand, Dean's hands flying to Cas' sides. “Oh god Cas wanna ride you.” Dean's hips kept grinding on Cas while Cas fumbled with the lube. “Want to sit on you with your huge cock up my ass with my panties on.” He let out a cry when Cas moved away from him, only to roar when Cas pressed his slick fingers against his hole through the part in the back of the panties. Dean raised his hands to grip the headboard behind him and fucked himself hard on Cas' fingers. “More....add more Cas...” he commanded and suddenly felt the glorious stretch of two fingers.

“So tight,” Cas grunted, moving his hand in rapid circles, trying to get Dean loosened up fast. He pulled them out only to add a third slowly. Dean was having none of that, he slammed his hips down on the three fingers, gasping like he'd forgotten how to breathe. When Cas got too close to the bundle of nerves inside him, Dean cried out “no Cas don't wanna come yet don't make me come Cas don't touch.” So Cas dragged his fingers everywhere except that one place, making Dean writhe under him.

For Dean the sensation was beyond anything he had ever thought possible. Every time he jabbed himself on Cas' hand his cock would bounce and glide inside the satin. It was incredibly frustrating and unbelievably good at the same time. By not touching his prostate, Cas was keeping him firmly on the edge while Dean twisted and writhed uncontrollably. He wanted to be on top of Cas but for the life of him could not figure out how to form words, so he used one leg to push on Cas' side, hoping he'd get the message. 

He did. Cas leaned forward and slid a strong arm under Dean's torso. Dean let go of the headboard in favour of clinging to Cas, who kept his hand between Dean's legs as he gripped Dean and flipped them both over. As soon as Cas was on his back and Dean was straddling him, Dean sat up and found the head of Cas' cock and tried to sit on it. Cas pulled his fingers out and must have held his cock steady because suddenly Dean was sinking down onto it, grateful that Cas must have slicked himself up at some point and removed or pushed his own panties down. When he was almost seated he lifted up slightly and sank the rest of the way down with a tiny “oh!”. For just a heartbeat, Dean stared down at Cas' face, hands braced on Cas' chest. Then he slowly dragged his pelvis forward, forcing his panties tight against his cock, balls slipping in the fabric as it dragged over Cas' trimmed nest. 

He watched as Cas pushed his head back in the pillow, mouth open in a silent scream as his eyes fluttered closed. He felt Cas' hands rest on his hips before sliding up to his chest to play with his nipples. Dean kept sliding back and forth like women used to do to him, now understanding that it helped get used to something so large invading his insides. When he couldn't stand it any more, he sat up completely, Cas' hands dropping to his hips. He lifted almost all the way off of Cas and slammed down. Somewhere on the edge of his awareness he heard Cas calling out his name as he set a fast pace, pounding Cas into him. It only took a couple of thrusts for Dean to find the right angle and give his prostate the attention it had been demanding. Screaming his throat raw he bounced as hard as he could, wishing he had something to hold on to over his head so he could pound harder. At some point he managed to form the words to demand that Cas grab his cock, and gasped loudly when Cas obeyed. The sensation of the satin caressing his ass while he rode Cas while Cas palmed his cock was just about too much.

When Cas growled, “you going to mess your panties? Going to come in them? Soak them?” Dean completely lost it. The orgasm tore through him like a hurricane, whiting out his vision and making him forget how to breathe. Never had it felt so good to shoot so hard, pulse after pulse bursting from him until he collapsed on top of Cas, who had gone rigid under him as he filled Dean with his own orgasm.

For a while Dean whimpered, grinding on Cas even though he was oversensitive, feeling like another orgasm could be had but knowing there was no possible way. He kept going anyway, holding Cas' shoulders, head buried in Cas' neck until his body shook from the feeling of the hot wet satin massaging him. “Here,” Cas whispered, kissing his head. Suddenly Dean's nerves were alive again long enough to give him a dry orgasm, thrusting down into Cas, clenching on Cas as he softened inside him. Gasping, Dean lay trembling on top of Cas, completely unable to get his limbs to move. Even his eyes couldn't be forced to open at this point. He felt Cas slip out as he flipped them again, this time much more gently.

Somewhere on the edge of his awareness he felt Cas get up. His panties were removed and a warm, wet towel took their place. Cas cleaned him gently, murmuring praise the whole time. Dean felt Cas slip a pair of boxers on him, lifting his hips so Dean didn't have to move. Then, with more tenderness than Dean ever knew, Cas lay next to him and moved him on his side to be the little spoon. A warm blanket was pulled up and Cas' chest pressed against his back. Before Dean could say anything, he passed out.


	22. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrap-up to end the story :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time I put this story to bed but I didn't want to leave it 'as is' so....this little wrap-up was in order :)

Dean woke slowly, comforted, as usual, by the weight of Cas against him. _As usual,_ he thought to himself with a chuckle, _I can barely remember life without Cas as my boyfriend. I mean, who ever would have thought that and angel of the Lord would even be interested in me? Who would have thought that this naive angel would teach me stuff?_ Dean felt Cas shift against him and knew that Cas was verging on waking. He thought about pretending to be asleep so Cas could sleep more, but that never worked.

“Dean?” Came a sleepy question against his chest.

“Hmmm?” he returned.

Cas stretched out, then curled back against Dean. Somehow, he knew not to make eye contact yet, and that Dean wasn't quite ready to start the day. “Your mind is active,” he said instead, leaving it for Dean to decide how much he wanted to say.

“Yeah? I guess. Just thinking,” Dean said softly.

“Obviously,” Cas retorted gently. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Dean shifted, snuggling back into the divot in the mattress. “Just thinkin' about how lucky I am that I have you.” He leaned over slightly and kissed the top of Cas' head. “And I wanted to let you know that I really....I dunno....appreciate everything you've done.”

Cas made a noncommittal noise and kissed Dean's chest in return. “Like what?” he prodded slightly.

“Well....like not laughing when you found out I like panties. Or....letting me....be....”

“Submissive?” Cas offered.

“Yeah. That,” Dean said with a smile. “And being patient while I got used to being with a guy.”

“You still aren't totally used to that,” Cas admonished without any venom.

“Better than I was.”

“Better than you were,” he conceded.

Dean felt a lump develop in his throat. “You make me a better man, Cas, I don't even know how to thank you for that.”

Cas was silent for a while, tracing Enochian symbols onto Dean's chest. “You have always been a good man, you just didn't see it for yourself.”

Dean opened his mouth to retort but thought better of it. Instead he kissed Cas' bedhead again and squeezed him tenderly. “I love you Cas.”

“I love you too Dean,” Cas returned. 

Dean knew that they would have to get up soon – bodily urges will become urgent, the day will demand attention – but for the moment he simply relished the feeling of his angel lying against him.


End file.
